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In memorium
Zeitgeist |
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"I have touched Zeitgeist.
And I have touched the future.
And the future is X-forcce."
-Edie Sawyer |
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So who exactly was Zeitgeist? Well his real name was Axel Cluney and he was 27 years old when he died and he was the leader of a mutant superhero group called X-force. See Axel was a mutant. When Axel was 14 years old he and a 13 year old girl were drunk off tequilla and went down to the beach to have sex. That's when his mutant powers developed and he speewed acid out of his mouth all over her face. It turned out Axel had the mutant ability to spew gelatinus energized ooze from his mouth cavity. The discharged ooze can eat through or dissolve almost any substance in the world.
Of course Axel realized that with this awesome ability he could become a superhero but he was afraid that the mutant hating world he lived in would make his life very difficult. Rather than just become a lame-ass hero that risks his life and limb for a public who hates him, you know like that weird web masocist in the red and blue spandex, Zeitgeist became a celebrity. The answer was so simple. America's disgust for differences is outweighed only by its love for celebrities. So being a celebrity made Axel's mutantness cool rather than scary and the American people loved him and his newly formed superhero/celebrity team X-force. |
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Axel hooked up with super Billionaire Spike Freeman and former super hero the Arm, now known as the coach, to form the first ever media friendly super hero mutant group. X-force featured Sluk, a face hugging freak, and Gin Genie, an alcoholic hottie. There was also three unnamed mutants who quickly faded away. Like most teams X-Force did super missions. Unlike most teams they did it as celebrities and partied it up for the camera. Their missions were captured on tape by a weird camera man creature named Doop. So X-Force was like hero meets reality tv only they were cool and reality TV isn't. |
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X-force was a huge sucess and Zeitgeist became super famous. Every girl wanted a piece of him and he had a pieve of most of them. X-force were instant celebrities and they were on all the celeb shows like Leno, Star TV, and even the news. X-force stores and products popped up all over america. A young Edie Sawyer was drawn to Zeitgeist and his X-Force and showed up to a press event dressed as U-Go Girl. Zeitgeist recognized here talent and her T&A and let her join the team. the two began dating publicly but were not exclusive. |
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Following U-Go Girl's arrival, the team also recieved replacements for the three unknown mutants. Battering Ram, La Nuit, and Plazm joined the team but they were nothing special. Zeitgeist continued to lead and be super cool and famous. His Romance with Edie made her famous but everyone else were just mild celebrities kind of like Kevin Bacon or Tiffany Amber Theisan. X-force kicked ass all over the world and wore black leather doing it. Unfortunatelt with fame comes problems. Axel began to dream about his night on the beach and could not remember the girl's name. The dream haunted him so he began sleeping with a lot of women at once. |
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After an incident in Africa were Sluk was killed the Coach brought in a new Mutant, Tyke "The Anarchist" Alicar. Tyke clashed with Axel. Tyke was trying to out style Axel but it wasn't happening. However, X-Force was having other problems. Gin Genie was boring, Battering Ram was whining, Edie had slept with Axel and was now in love with him, and the others just weren't getting mass appeal. So the Coach planned to have terrorists kidnap boy band sensation Boyz R Us and arranged it so that X-Force would go in for the save but only Tyke and Zeitgeist would servive. Axel was hesitant but could see no other way to save X-Force's name. |
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Okay something must have happened because the team raided the tower and kicked the terrorists asses but only Edie and Tyke survived. Perhaps Zeitgeist decided he could not sell out his team or maybe he decided it was better to burn out than to fade away. Well either way he was blasted to bits by some sort of super weapon in a helicopter. Gin Genie, Battering Ram, La Nuit, and Plazm just fell down dead but Zeitgeist struggled to perservere. Zeitgeist died in Edies arms but found peace because as he reflected on his life he was able to recall the name of the girl on the beach, Felicity. |
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So the question is did Zeitgeist really die? It seems unlikely that he would have been killed so easily and it is unclear why he would have been killed what with his prearranged knowledge of the incident. Perhaps Axel simply faked his own death like so many heroes, villains and celebrities have done before. Is Zeitgeist dead or just another Wolverine, Magneto, or James Dean? Only one man knows for sure. |
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