Oscar Medleys - 2003
Like Billy Crystal's Oscar Medley's? Wondering what the lyrics were? Here ya' go:
MYSTIC RIVER (to the Tune of "Old Man River")
Mystic River
That Mystic River
It's dark and murky
As mom's chop liver
That Mystic River
It's just keeps rolling aloooooooong
There's a shooting
And there's a beating
It's like a Disney and Eisner meeting
But Old Man Eastwood
He just keeps rolling alooooooong
(spoken: Oh Clint!)
You've made hits
You don't make schlock
You've performed withs monkeys
And Sandra Locke
You produce
You write the scores
You sang in Paint Your Wagon
Don't you sing no mooooooore
We get weary
And sick of tryin'
Most men your age are either dead or dyin'
But not Clint Eastwood
You just keep rolling along!
LOST IN TRANSLATION (to the tune of Maria from West Side Story)
Sophia
I just saw a film by Sophia
The credits made me cheer
Scarlett Johansson's rear
Thank you
I just loved that film by Sophia
Bill Murray showed his range
To hell with Charlie's Angels 2
Sophia
Now you're here in your Oscar finery
While your dad's stomping grapes at the winery
Sophia
Yes, Oscar may call out Sophia!
LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING (To the tune of My Favorite Things)
Hobbits with feet big and hairy and smelly
More epic battles than Gest and Minelli
Ian and Viggo, a queen and some kings
This is the gang in the Lord of the Rings
Frodo and Sam on a mystical planet
Then Smeagol pops out like the right boob of Janet
Britney and J-Lo brought both of their flings
They thought it was called the Return of the Rings!
Lithium, Saki, some pills and peyote
Moonshine and Ritalin from Truman Capote
J.R.R. Tolkien was taking these things
When he conceived of the Lord of the Rings
Peter Jackson
Made this trio
He sure got it right
I loved every frame of the Lord of the Rings
So I downloaded it
Last night!
(All night, it took all night, it's so damn long!)
SEABISCUIT (To the tune of Goldfinger)
Seabiscuit
He's a horse, the horse Oscar may go to
Or else he's glue
He'll make a nice brisket
Will he win, or will he lose by a nose
Let's ask Pete Rose
'Cause only he knows
Ooh, Pete Rose
Watch his nose while it grows
All the bookies he owes
Might just cut off his toes
Poor Pete Rooooooooooooose
Yes!
MASTER & COMMANDER (to the tune of Come, Fly With Me)
Come, sail with me
The boat is Russell Crowe's
It's his damn ship, so don't give him lip
Or he'll punch you in the nose
He's master and commander
Thar she blows!
Once he got me out there
On the far side of the world
Sails unfurled
I just hurled
He may get you out there
When a war involved the French
And there ain't no wench
But don't cry boys, next port: San Francisco!
Hey Oscar Man, it's time to start the games
Djimon Honsou, Shoreh Agdashloo
Hope they can pronounce your names
Yeah, once a year
We choose to cheer at these best made flicks
And so shut off your damn cellphones
Bring out the drums and big trombones
'Cause Oscar, yeah you're seventy-six!
If you have any corrections or additions to these lyrics, please send them to me.
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