TALKING FIRST ARREST BLUES 85



Well I'd been jamming for most of the day
But I needed a drink and I had to get away
So I went to the Beehive, had myself a jar
Then to Hillside to play some more guitar
But everyone was sad coz they hadn't any beer
And everyone was low coz they'd smoked all of their gear
So I borowed Bernie's bicycle and his coat of chamois leathers
From Edgware upto Stanmore, trying to keep it all together
I had two pairs of jeans with tears down the front
And Bernard's sheepswool jumper that hadn' t been washed for months
I peddled up the high streets singing about the holy Pope
I had my hair - a flapping like a horse’s mane of rope
On my mission to go home and return with more than hope
I was coming back to jam again with half a key of dope.

Well I was riding up the highway, the road they call Marsh Lane
I'd just got upto the post box with speedtraps in my brain
When I saw a funny man who looked just like a cop
His car had a flashing light, so I thought I'd better stop
He said, 'Just on your way home now are you James Hunt?'
I said sorry for riding on the pavement, thinking ‘what a c**t’
'Can you prove that the bicycle which you are currently riding on without breaks,
Lights, tax disc, insurance and disreguard for the Highway Code is yours, SIR?'
So I told him I'd borrowed it from a friend and he said, ‘Right - you're arrested
For looking like a hippy' (and so, I protested)
Well he searched through my pockets and he searched through my hair
And he looked around the ground - but there was nothing there
So he sat me in his car and he called us up a van
And we both drove off together to the Metropolitan Wealdstone land

There he searched the car and took me to a room of charge
Where in came a real Gent, whose first name it was Sarge
So I sat there in my; John Lennon wig and glasses, my Pete Murphy face
My nowhere speedfreak stare, my two pairs of flares, (with tears)
That stinking sheepswool jumper, my coat of many chamois leathers
My aroma of patcholi oil, and.... big red suede boots
Well he saw my face was pale and so he asked me why
So I told him I was nervous which he told me was a lie
I told him out the same story then I told him it again
Leaving out the name of Hillside (‘coz it's an opium den)
And on that day in question just by coincidental chance
One room was like a jungle, growing marijuana plants

I had some sheets with songs, coz I was playing a gig the next day
(Down inside old Bunjies- Mr Tambourine Man, I'm So Illegal and The Pusher )
The good Sargeant read them and remarked I must be a poet -and did I know it
He blew it. He asked for my date of birth, I said two four six six six
He said 'So you're twenty eight are you?' That's a truth detector trick
So I looked suitably confused and said, 'Well I'm just 18'
The PC looked at the Sargeant and said 'We'd better strip this boy clean'
So they took me to a cell and I took off all my clothes
And they just stood and stared - they're ‘like that’ I suppose
Then they tried not to fall about, when I pulled up my pants and my dick fell out
Well I don't like policemen when they just laugh at me
So I politely informed them, 'You are just what you see'
Then they left me for all of three long hours
With bloodstains on the walls and no sign of flowers
Then some man came, just to check my name and said he’d reliably been
Informed that I had lost my driving licence.
(I can't drive a car, but I have been endorsed for speeding) 

So after all that time, my story was verified, I apologised and I lied
And the pigs went round to Hillside –took Bernie for a ride
And he bailed me out at three o clock in the morning
Well I’d sat there in that cell and swore that I'd atoned
But the next day I played my gig and then I got reeeeal stoned
Round at old Grange Hill, with nitrous gas, hash and pills
I didn't feel too ill, I got reeeeal stoned
Now if there was a point to this all this song then please tell it to me
Because it's gone on for so damn long and dope kills the...
Dope kills the...dope kills the memory!


///Exactly as it was, as it happened, man. Lucky for me I didn’t get stopped
on the way back from my house eh? I don’t smoke now, but I loved it
when I did. Grass and hash have far more good uses than booze.///