HEAL MYSELF 88



One man and a woman
He, desperate with stress
Avoiding eye contact
A blink from collapse

I must remember my training
Re-heal myself
I lie beside her
Silently praising her patient courage

I float, with
The empty company of ghosts
Who desert me at morning
Like a child abandonned to relations

Pain maintains
Nightmare days drag
Into dead futures
From hollow past lives

I cannot wait for these three weeks to end
A terrible present, given by doubt

Slow swimming horror
I think and question
I should never do this again
I must act, justify, rationalise later

Impure lover’s terror
Anarchy against myself
Everything I knew
Now alien once more

In years of sickness to come
I will already be strong
Having passed these grades
Of inititiation.



/// Another filled with panic attacks and fear of the next.
I had a few years convinced a breakdown was useful - for the
learning it imparted. Yes it was, but the scars are bad.
In the same way I thought everyone should trip once.
I do not think this now.///.