CHILDHOOD PART ONE 2001



Intoxicated long before the tiny interuption of drugs.
Lost in the distance ‘twixt candlelight and mirror.
Imagining the size of the cosmos every night, till a dizzy head spun me to dream.
Or else a new film would unfold, improvised at evening
when making two hour theatre with toys before sleep.
I recorded scripts, sound effects in one perfect take, designed stage sets in miniature
and not once did continuity slip...

Match boxes with changeable panels were TV sets, a tiny magazine kept the schedule.
My bicycle was my horse, spoken to with words of encouragement on great journeys
(down the half mile to shops for sweets and comics.)

Primary school, learning with the Rainbow books, where I shot forward towards the indigo,
the silver and gold, only to be told ‘We’re not sure you understand what you read’
Describing myself as the artful dodger as I weaved between the crowds at hometime.
Becoming a petty thief for two years, being caught by the Headmistress
and instructed while crying and scared that mine were crocodile tears.
(Ten years later this would be repeated when
I admitted fear to a desk sergeant and was told, ‘You’re lying, you’re not afraid.’)
Wondering at how telling the truth could be disbelieved, still so innocent......

Wind in the trees was a river, an ocean. Fire, the fallen rain of the sun.
Early winter mornings to school, breakfast with Radio Three in the kitchen
dark skies with Venus shining......
Sometimes the feeling of being FLUNG into deep space as if by the arm of God,
incredible pressure of speed and into the galaxies.....
Other times the sense in vision of all objects being twisted up like newspaper.

Scoring the winning run in rounders on the Isle of Wight, knowing I would before I did.
The same with winning the 100 metres at Sport’s Day, but unpaced for the 800.
This was the year of kissing girls and story writing, pages from nothing - no plan
just watching them unfold as with the toy theatre before.
Getting gold stars for them and poetry (The Long Fall, The Stormy Sea and The
Diamond Rocket. )

Dressed in dark blue or brown courdroy flares,a velvet jacket
bright pink or paisley shirts with wide lapels and a bowl haircut
which would bouffant when washed.
May God have mercy on my parents.

Lying pretend dead on the sitting room floor for an hour
to see how it felt and waiting for a reaction - nobody came to see.
The invitation card with twelve puppies thrown away after the event -
shredding my heart with the first realisation that not even the one closest to me
could understand the importance of my sentiment.
This pattern has also been repeated to the same reaction many times since.




Visiting an Italian friend’s house and watching his younger sister tear down a poster,
her calling to the parents that I had done it and me having to make an escape on the bike
as an air rifle fired past my shoulder.
Leaping off coal bunkers in the garden as Spiderman
( May Marvel comics live forever. )

DURING THE FOURTH YEAR AT MIDDLE SCHOOL
GOING TO FETCH THE REGISTER, OUTSIDE ALL LESSONS
SUDDENLY THE SENSE OF TOTAL FREEDOM
BEYOND THE NORMAL AND INTO THE MAGICAL.....

Barbara Yalden, your name forever within my heart. For you I joined the Choir
for you I joined cookery class to see more of you. The first I loved
and the first rejection, which altered my adoration not at all.
‘Saving’ my Grandfather’s life when a small tree fell headwards
(written as my good deed for the day in my book which included
self drawn political cartoons. )
Him tapping my nose with every new cigarette before lighting.
Empty fairy liquid bottles used at bath time for ocean liners.

Hanging off the top of the giant slide with one hand for ten minutes
trying to convince a friend to go for help -
another scam for attention from disaster.
Liverpool, Mossley Vale where everything was green.
Granny’s mole which became a bell, porridge and pantry smells.
Going to Cornwall and Devon, stone stairs and dog smells.
Weeping over the tombstone poetry in the graveyard behind the garden
Holidays in Wales where it rained.
And rained and rained and rained and rained.
The school music festival where the Choir sang Captain Noah’s Floating Ark
and it rained for forty days and nights thereafter.

This
Convinced me of the reality of magic.