Hi! I have been asked to proofread the following essay. Firstly I need to clarify what I am doing to your essay. While I wouldn't consider myself correcting it at all, I will make a little suggestion for, or provide alternatives to, the passages. Whether you'd use the original text or the suggested text is up to you to decide. Secondly, I must regret I don't have enough time to proofread your whole work. As a result, only the introduction and part 2.1 are proofreaded as of now.

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Topic: A comparison of Ocean Park and Hong Kong Disneyland

(1)Introduction

Recently, most of[many] Hong Kong citizens like to compare[Chinese colloquial usage?? i.e.��N�h���; why not try "often compare"] Disneyland with the others[other] theme parks. They may even compare the[whose?? better use "its", "Disneyland's"] theme, facilities or staff with [add "that of"] Ocean Park. Indeed it[this "it" is confusing; it can refers to both Ocean Park and Disneyland] was criticized[tense; has been criticized] by the public until now[what do you mean by until? Disneyland is no longer criticized now? You can use "so far, as of now"]. Some of them argue that there are more incentive games in Ocean Park. While[no full stop; link the two sentences with while!!] the others claims that Disneyland[add "'s games"] are more diversification[diversified]. However, it��s[this "it" needs to be specified; e.g. the issue is under debate] under the[redundant "the"] debate.

This essay is divided into four parts. First, we will explore the theme of Ocean Park and Disneyland. Then, we will investigate the facilities of both parks, before looking at the[whose influences? The facilities? The Parks? The debate?] influences to Hong Kong society. Finally , we are going to establish[wrong word; do you mean evaluate? Better use "look at"] the staff of both park before reaching a conclusion.

(2)Differences between Ocean Park and HK Disneyland

2.1 Theme

First of all we will analyze the theme of both parks in more details. Most of the people know that Ocean Park is the largest marine life world of the[in] Asia. It doesn��t only focus on [the] seas and [the] oceans, but also the[redundant "the", better add an "on"] environmental protection. Atoll Reef, Shark Aquarium and Ocean Park Tower are the examples. Not only knowing more about the marine land but also the ecological environment[missed subject in the sentence]. You also can learn about [the] ecosystem from the bird paradise, the Giant Panda Habitat, Dinosaurs Discovery Trail and Butterfly house, as well["also" and "as well" repeat in meaning].

However, Hong Kong Disneyland puts [add "its"] focus mainly on cartoon characters. Have you ever thought of clasping hands with Snow White when you were in childhood["in your childhood"]? Now, you can make your dream come true. Disneyland lets you explore the fairytale adventures in this enchanted land - Sleeping Beauty Castle, Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, Mickey��s PhilharMagic, Snow White Grotto. What pleasantly surprised will you wonder about[sorry, but I can't see what you mean by this sentence :(], you may know it when you come once.