Here's an update into Hell. Two incidents stand out enough in recent history to deserve some mention. First the Eva Incident, then the Janet Incident. Let's get started.
Long and short, I meet this cute Latino girl named Eva. Looks uncannily like this teenage girl I saw on a Missing Children's Network flyer, the one's you get in the mail. I remember because she was the only hot girl I ever saw on one of those. Anyways, I figured she was old enough to have found her way home if that was the case. The moment of truth arrives and its time to go back to . . . no, not my place ! I was hoping she'd say hers. I grit my teeth and agree, because you don't say no to this girl, you say no to her and her two beautiful grapefruit-sized tits. God, I love Latino girls. They only get better with age, I hear (look at Raquel Welch after all).
We go back to my pad where the Cum-Sucking Bitch Monster lives and my very own sessile-being Steve. I'm just passing through to my room, when it hits. Joan informs me sweetly that she used my room to set up a presentation for her job. Must refrain . . . from urge . . . to kill.
Stevo offers me the use of his room. What can I say, the guy has uses. Pushing my latin beauty queen gently before me, I fix Joan with a stare that kills her, the neighbors, and everybody two blocks in that direction. She gives me that little fixed-your-shit smile of hers.
Even though I'm fucking a helluva woman, I can't help but see Joan up on top, laughing her ass off. That woman has a serious bent. Eva, surprisingly enough, comes back for another round the next night, but like most women who have the displeasure of meeting Joan, mysteriously dissapear from my life shortly afterwards.
Joan makes a point of shaking that ass a little harder in my direction for the next day or two. Smug bitch.
She loves to run off the mouth though. We get to my place (why oh why !?) and she starts talking to Steve, the piece of furniture that lives on our other furniture. Oh your so fascinating Steven, let me suck your cock off for you right in front of Ben, I seem to hear her say. Then a roar comes from my left. Its the Bitch Monster !! RUN !!
Joan walks up behind the couch and leaning over grabs my hand and sticks it on her left tit. The chatter stops. Joan wants to know if I feel a lump there. Just like that chick from Fight Club. Ed Norton's character had the luxury of being alone with her. Janet's eyes are glued to my crotch. I think of sticking my hand in a bowl of cottage cheese as I give her tit a few quick squeezes. Don't, don't, don't . . . I pull it off. Stevo, again swooping in like a half-sober superhero, says let me see if I can feel it. Though you will never see it, he actually says this with a straight face and fondles Joan's boob for a solid forty seconds. Concluding nothing found, Joan heads back to her room, but not before giving me one of those looks I can't quite bring myself to hate. Janet decides to go home early. As our Japanese friends may sarcastically translate it: My surprise is large.