| october 21, 2003 Last night I was floating somewhere between three portals and I could not move. I was just there cramped in between life and death; I did not know where to put myself. Then, I woke up with Stephen King's book in front of my face which explains my dream. The gloomy day is not helping my mood swings... I hate this rain. It never ends. I am quite satisfied with how my furniture designs came out. I will post the pictures under "BLEUPRINT". october 12, 2003 Finally, I have fulfilled my commitment for a year. Whatever happened and whatever consequences there are, I am still happy. I have learned so many things about myself and about the nature of other people. It is difficult to prove so many things, but I know the truth and I am quite satisfied with that. Others might think that I have wasted my time and effort, but I feel otherwise. I have gained a lot about different things and sometimes it is quite hysterical just knowing what I know. There are so many instances that words can twist somebody else's perceptions, but the truth is that our conscience dictates what is real and what is not.. No matter what other's say, the theories I have come up with are now facts. It is simply amazing what your emotions can do. I have travelled quite a journey on the road that presented so many detours, but I came out of it renewed and thank God for that! october 05, 2003 A maya bird flew on top of my head. It was a beautiful occurrence. A picture perfect scene with what nature truly is and viola.... the damn bird spilled its droppings on my picture perfect hairdo! Is it one of those days? Another realization of some sort to get away from what sickens me? Who knows! My head is spinning like a yoyo from drinking. I should have known better. My grandmother warned me about this. Too late now...the alcohol has taken every inch of my body into numbness. september 24, 2003 what's new? there is nothing new because the ink on my life's pages faded like the sands of time into a place where no one can ever retrace. i walk alone on this journey, meeting strangers and making friends along the way but life's rules is that no one can ever stay. so, i will continue walking alone into this forsaken place of ennui until one day when i find my own resting place then that is the moment i will embrace. [ foolishness is falling in love with someone who does not even know you exist] there is no such thing there is no such thing as love. it died a long time ago. somewhere between the waking illusion. of the convoluted insanity of emotion. there is no such thing as love. only a facade of dishonesty. it lingers throughout life's incongruities. love sucks, totally baseless. there is no such thing as love. there is no such thing as love. there is no such thing as love. kill the emotion. kill the pain. kill everything. there is no such thing as love. demons in the soul: sermons bombarded the day. while they pump the lay. to what the pastor say. all of you here please pray. so that your soul will be forgiven one day. the congregation chants. hoping to erase their sins. from everyday longings. of human shallowness. and frail imaginings. a new dawn will shine. for those who has faith. a new dawn will break. for those who has none. remeber his name and be saved. I giggled at some thought. and I believed I would rot in hell. I was afraid so I grew up. chanting the prayers they said. until one day I became dead. Saint Peter welcomed me. but kicked me out from his gate. he said I was not ready.I had demons in my soul. come back soon and fix my fray. I asked my pastor for what he can say. but he was mute, he could not stay. I told him everyday I always pray. I did not know what else to do and in my dismay. Saint Peter came and said. "it's not that you didn't pray, it's what you do in a day". |
| the idea that everything and anything old will be new again...that's what's new |
| I am still working on this site. Just bear with me...thanks. |
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