| You carry on your like some rock star You act like you love all the fame But all I see is a little boy inside Who pretends he likes this game�. You walk this place without knowing What life would be like if you were truly you But you never come outside of that shell To let the flower bloom that lies within you� When is it your time to be happy? To know that bliss of the loved When is it your time to be held close? And for the deliverance of you, SOMEONE thanks god above.. When shall you bask in the glory? Of the arms who know you well When will you stop holding strangers? So you can be delivered from this desolate hell� I see the beauty within you I see what lies there beneath I would give anything to hold you In my arms I could give you peace� But it is you who must take the first step It is you who must sow the one seed To see without the eyes of the evil To not let your persona feed your greed� I�d give anything to hold you To keep you safe in my arms I give up now all that is holy Just to know all your whimsical charms� Yet here I find myself standing Saying nothing at all Watching you ever so closely Just in case you need me to pick you up when you may fall� Here I sit silently wishing That I could know more of the man That has somehow changed the course of my life Something, which I can�t explain Yet completely understand� I struggle with the demons inside me I fight with the feelings I hold But even when I lie next to him I find myself thinking about the man I silently love� And this guilt of not uttering my truths It overwhelms me and it haunts me daily I�m so scared to leave what I have secured For something like �maybe�� So I battle within myself Fighting what I have come to love Hating whom I see in this mirror Praying to my goddess above� Wishing I could just separate All this confusion that I feel Wondering how much is make believe And how much of it is real� As I write this down tonight There�s a man who slumbers in my bed But I cannot bring myself to lie down beside him For if I do, these things would be left unsaid� If lie down beside him I lie to him, and to myself So instead I go for the whiskey That sits upon the shelf� And I drink away all my pain I drink away all my sorrow I drink until I can no longer remember this love And pray perhaps I will forget tomorrow� Cause I cannot go on living like this Living this wretched lie I cannot go hide in the bathroom Each and everyday I cry� So tonight I pack up my bags Tonight I leave this place For this soul just can�t accommodate Trying so hard to replace- What stares at me , What speaks to me The man who truly inspires To utter the words � I love you� to anyone else Would make me simply put, a Liar� And I cannot go on like this Hating whom I see in the mirror And I cannot allow myself To be subdued due to fear� So if I can�t bring myself To be so bold and brave At least I can be true to heart Leaving my soul unscathed� Perhaps when I have left this place Maybe then I can speak my truth Perhaps when there is nothing left When I have nothing left to lose� Because, It was fear that held me back from you It is fear that keeps me from being near Not fear of any kind of harm But my simple fear of holding you dear� For it I too have my own demons Whom I fight through the night and the day It is I whom know of your suffering It is I, who knows the priced that you must have paid� So perhaps things will be different When I am gone for this place where I dwell It can�t be worse then where I have been Consumed by the flames of hell� Maybe one day I will sow that seed Of the flower that lies within Perhaps, I will share then my secret Of the love I want so badly to win� But until that time I�ll stay drunk And let him rattle on about whom he beds at night So I can daydream quietly For my feelings I cannot fight� So until then my pen holds my secret My mind it holds my sorrow And perhaps at some point I wont dread each and every tomorrow�. written By: Mel C.Scott |