A Quiet Moment
                                                                        by  Dant Solo
 

 Han Solo stood outside the small room that was serving as both his
 wife's office and quarters.  She had insisted upon moving in a second cot so that
 their daughter Jaina could sleep there, comfortable in spite of her injuries.  She
 hadn't asked him to stay, so he and Jacen had found themselves sharing a large
 tent with many other beings. At first Jaina had protested against sharing
 quarters with her mother.  They hadn't been on the most agreeable of terms
 lately, but Leia had insisted.  So, for the sake of argument, Jaina had reluctantly
 agreed to stay.
 
Han wanted desperately to see Leia.  They had barely spoken since
 they met up here on Duros.  They had talked very briefly in a way that implied
 reconciliation, but Han was not really sure what Leia felt.  She had embraced
 him, had indeed asked him if he intended to return to her side, but the
 conversation had not covered much ground.  Under the circumstances, not
 much time had been allowed for private matters.  At any rate, Han wondered
 what would become of them.  He had missed her, missed their closeness. Right
 now he wanted nothing more than to hold her.
 
He let himself inside to find Leia and Jaina asleep on their individual
 cots.  Threepio stood vigil nearby, and straightened when he saw Captain Solo.

 "Captain," he began in a hushed tone.  "I am so glad to see you here."
Han moved close to the droid.  "I feared you might never-"

 Han reached over and switched the droid off.  He did not want to deal
 with Threepio right now.  He had too many other, more important things on his
 mind.  He wondered vaguely where Leia's Noghri bodyguards were.
 
Threepio's voice had not caused his wife or daughter to stir.  He
 imagined they were both exhausted.  Han  walked quietly to Leia's side and sat
 down next to her on the small cot.  He looked down at her familiar features.  Even
 with her hair now gone she was beautiful.  But she looked so tired.  She had lost
 weight, was much thinner than he had ever seen her.  It reminded him of how
 she had looked after his rescue from Jabba the Hutt, after he was lost to her for
 six months.  She had been too thin and pale, with dark circles under her eyes.
 She looked that way now, as if a constant, biting strain had eaten away at her.
 Guilt touched his heart, bringing to mind the way she had tried to comfort him
 in the months following Chewie's death.  But he had not allowed her to help him.
 He watched her, listened to her even breathing with wonder.  This tiny
woman had always carried such heavy burdens, ever since he first met her on
 board the Death Star.  She had suffered such horrible losses, and yet had always
 managed to go on, undaunted.  Yes, he knew that she had been haunted by
 unspeakable nightmares for most of her life after that, but those did not stop her.
  She was too strong for that.  Or maybe too stubborn, he thought with an
 affectionate smile.  The seriousness returned to his expression as he thought of
 all the new pain he had recently brought to her life.  But still she stood by him,
 never ceasing in her support and love.  The idea of what he had put her through
 left him cold.
 
Unable to hold back any longer, Han reached out and stroked her cheek
 gently.  She jerked awake, eyes panicked. "Shhh," Han reassured her.  "It's just
 me."

 The wild look in her eyes faded quickly, replaced with relief.  She sat up
 slowly, her eyes watching him carefully.  He returned her gaze, uncertain of what
 needed to be said.   They just looked at each other, until Leia reached up to
 touch her head self-conciously.
 
"I must look a fright," she said softly.
 
He smiled into her eyes.  "You look beautiful," he whispered truthfully.
 His smile faded slowly and his eyes grew intense as his fingetips lightly traced
 across her forehead, down her cheek, to her chin, in a familiar, affectionate
 gesture.  "I've put you through alot,"  he whispered, fingers still playing across
 her chin.

 She looked down at the floor.  "You dealt with it the only way you knew
 how."
 
A small smile quirked one corner of his mouth.   That was his Princess.
  She always understood, did not lay blame, accepted him and all of his
 imperfections.  And there were many.
 
She looked back at him, then reached up to bring his hand down to
 intertwine with hers.  Han's heart flooded with a deep love, a love he could not
 deny, or push aside.

 In a hoarse whisper he asked,  "Can you love me again?  I mean, like
 before?"
 
Leia met his gaze levelly.  "I've never stopped."  she answered softly.
 
He smiled, eyes misting  over undeniably.  "After everything I've said to
 you?  After the drinking?  Even after I've left you for far too long?"
 
She opened her mouth but her voice caught and no words came.
 Han's eyes darkened as a wave of uncertainty washed through him.  He
 wouldn't blame her if she told him to get lost forever.  He knew he deserved it.
  But he hadn't been able to control his actions.  The grief had been
 insurmountable, such as he had never imagined.  He had lost himself in a haze of
 alcohol at first,  seeking an escape from the constant despair.  Eventually, when
 he crawled from the depths of the bottle, he had been unable to stay still.  He
 had felt as if he were going to jump out of his skin during every waking moment,
 that if he were not out accomplishing something that counted, he would surely
 go insane.  And so he had left.  And when he had calmed down, when he had
 felt human again, he hadn't been sure that he could come home.  If Leia would
 even allow him to.  When they had last spoken,  there had been anger on both
 their parts.  His own had been directed more at himself than at her.  At that point
 it was his own stubborn pride that kept him from returning home.  He had seen
 the newsvids featuring Leia and Prince Isolder of the Hapan Consortium.  That
 had scared him.  Seeing them together, looking so perfect a combination, both
 so regal and attractive, made him wonder.  She might have realized that she
 would have been better off if she had married Isolder, instead of a worthless
 pirate like Han.
 
He wouldn't have blamed her if she had turned to someone else after he
 had left her so abruptly.  He wouldn't have blamed her....but it would have cut
 him deeply.   Leia had gotten angry at his insinuation about her and Isolder, and
 Han believed that nothing had happened, that it was merely his own paranoid
 imagination.
 
So when they had last spoken, Han had been unable to voice his true
 feelings, and she had not said anything to indicate that she genuinely wanted
 him to return.
 
But now, here they were, face to face at last.  When Leia finally
answered him, her voice was low, almost a whisper.  "Han, I've loved you too
much and too long to let us end like this."  She glanced at their daughter.  She
was asleep with her back facing them.  She looked back at Han.  "I need you.
 The kids need you."
 
A quiet joy danced through Han's soul.  Overwhelmed, he closed his
 eyes and brought his forhead to hers, mouths close, breathing in each others'
breath.  His hands moved up to cradle her face as he pulled back to gaze at her.
 
 His eyes roamed over every feature, at last resting on her eyes.   As always, he
could not find the words to express what she stirred in him.
 
"I love you,"  he whispered fiercely, knowing the words did not begin
 to describe the depth of his feelings.  Again his eyes closed against the torrent of emotion.

 Leia smiled tenderly.  "You're trembling," she whispered in  familiar,
private jest.
 
Without opening his eyes,  Han smiled.  "I'm not trembling," he
whispered back.
 
Tears sprang to Leia's eyes.  "I like you because you're a scroundrel,"
 she continued.  "I haven't had enough scoundrels in my life."
 
Now his eyes did open, and Leia was surprised to see no light of
teasing play, only a solemnity she was unaccustomed to.  "I thought you liked
nice men."
 
"You're a nice man."
 
Tears now glistened in Han's eyes also.  "No, I'm not."  he said in all
seriousness,  the teasing interplay forgotten.
 
A lone tear trickled down Leia's cheek.  "Yes," she said quietly.  "You
are."  Han pulled her into his arms, both their bodies shaking with relief and
gratitude.  They held each other tightly for a long time, saying more with their
hearts than with their words.   Eventually,  Han gently leaned them back onto the
thin pillow and they slept in each others' arms, more soundly than either had in
the past year.
 
After it was quiet for a long time,  Jaina rolled over to face them.  She
smiled at the blurred image of her parents reunited.  She couldn't wait to tell
Jacen.  There were many  diffucult things they still had to face, but at the moment
everything felt just fine.
 
 
 
 

END