TITLE: Keeping Watch
AUTHOR: Pebbles
CATEGORY: H/L Angst
SUMMARY: The title says it all
SPOILERS: Balance Point
ARCHIVE: Ask first, please
RATING: G - honest to God
DISCLAIMER: They all belong to George Lucas. More's the pity.
THANKS TO: Brandon, KateMac, Kelley, LeiliaXF, and Noelle



Han sat silent sentinel by Leia's side. Her broken body lay engulfed by
the first aid bunk on the Falcon; by the bunk, and by all of the medical
equipment attached to her to try to keep her alive until they reached
Coruscant. Before he left the cockpit, he'd had seen that the best
medical care available awaited their arrival. Luke was taking care of
the rest. Leaving Han to take care of her.

He didn't like his wife's pallor, or how close her bones lay beneath her
skin. Leia had clearly lost weight during their separation, and she'd
never had much of it to spare in the first place. All color seemed to
have gone from her face, the dark stubble of regrowth on her recently
shaved head emphasizing just how deathly pale she was. Her eyes were
shrunken sockets in her face, her lips colorless. It hurt to look at
her; which, of course, he had to do. He couldn't bear to take his eyes
from her for a moment, lest she slip away from him.

She had lost a dangerous amount of blood from her injuries, had nearly
bled to death before the twins were able to get her aboard. Han
shuddered at the memory of seeing her in Jacen's arms, a bloodied bundle
who bore little resemblance to the vibrant woman he'd made love to the
night before. Jaina had warned him that Leia was injured, but had not
stated how seriously she'd been hurt.

He'd seen the enormous amount of blood that stained both her legs and
Jacen's as he carried her in his arms to meet the Falcon, and Han's own
blood had turned to ice, while his heart raced with fear. He didn't
know how he'd managed to hover the Falcon so that the twins could board
with their mother. He didn't know how he'd been able to do his job and
fly them and the scores of refugees they escorted out of there. And he
didn't know how he had managed to hold onto his sanity long enough to
safely guide the ship into hyperspace before he could go back and check
on his wife.

An eternity later it seemed, he stumbled back to the first aid bunk to
see up close what the enemy had done to Leia. He dreaded what he'd find
when he reached her side, but still he was not prepared for what he
found.

Her injuries were horrific beyond anything he'd seen in all his years.
The Yuuzhan Vong had lacerated both her legs at the knees, repeatedly
and brutally, seemingly damaging them beyond repair. Han didn't see how
she could manage to remain alive, let alone do so with her mangled limbs
intact.

Yet he had seen some amazing things happen in his time, often in the
presence of the Skywalker twins, or those connected to them. Now, at
Luke's direction, a contingent of the best Jedi healers were converging
upon Coruscant, there to work in conjunction with the medical team, in
the hopes that their combined mastery of the Force would be enough to
heal his dying wife.

Leia stirred, and he skimmed his arm beneath the blanket and took her
hand, squeezing anxiously. She slowly, laboriously opened her eyes, and
Han's heart contracted with fresh grief.

"Am I that bad?" she asked frankly, her voice barely above a whisper.

Too weak with emotion to speak, he lifted her hand to his lips and
kissed her fingers, as he had a million times before. He refused to
allow the thought that this could be the last time.

She watched him silently from beneath her lashes. Try as he might to
hide his fear, his anguish at the thought of losing her, Han failed
miserably, and he knew it. He'd never been able to hide anything from
her. She knew him far too well.

He closed his eyes so she wouldn't see the sudden tears that were
forming as the gravity of the situation settled upon him. She slipped
her hand from his fingers, cupped his cheek gently and lovingly.

"You don't have to say anything,," she told him quietly. "I know how
bad this is."

He opened his eyes and looked at her again, and was struck anew with
horror at her condition. He wanted to double up with the pain of seeing
hers. "Are you hurting, sweetheart? " he managed to croak.

"No pain," she murmured, turning her eyes toward the corridor, where
Jaina had recently exited, "Between the drugs and our daughter, I feel
fine."

She moved her head from side to side in tiny little movements as she
spoke, and her eyelids drifted closed again. Whatever Jaina had given
her was apparently making it tough for her to stay awake.

Han was worried about her, desperately so. He was terrified that he was
going to lose her; and to lose Leia on the heels of losing Chewie would
be more than he could bear.

"I love you, you know," he reminded her, wishing he could have back
every one of those dark days when they'd been apart, so that he could
tell her again and again, so that he could love her over and over, and
show her just how much she meant to him.

She opened her eyes and looked at him, her lashes spiky with tears.
"Good," she breathed, a tiny smile crossing her lips. "Me, too, you.
Love you. I do so love you."

He leaned over and kissed her lips, smoothing her furry scalp with his
free hand as he did so. He felt the moisture creep out of his eyes and
fall onto her face, and he didn't even bother to swipe at his eyes.

"It's all right," she whispered again, when he'd lifted his lips from
hers. "You'll see, Han. I'm going to be fine."

"You'd better," he warned, sitting back, but keeping his grip on her
hand. He swallowed, forcing the tears down his throat and into his
stomach, where they merged with his roiling fear. "I just got you back,
Princess," he continued when he could. "I don't intend to give you up
so easily."

Her lips twitched, and he saw the ghost of her sense of humor in her
eyes. "You call that easy?"

His face fell as he pictured the torture she must have endured before
Jacen had found her. "Leia, I'm sorry," he groaned, shrinking from the
visual images his mind conjured of her suffering. "I'm so sorry I let
you go back. I should have kept you shackled to my wrist so that you
*couldn't* go back without me. I never should have let you go."

"Stop that," she softly scolded. "I won't have you blaming yourself for
a decision I made. I had to go back. I had to get to that mining laser
before the enemy reached it."

Not that it had made a difference in the end, Han thought bitterly. It
was in going for the laser that she'd been overtaken, captured by the
sadistic beasts who had inflicted this horror upon her body.

"Thank the Force Jacen was strong enough to find you," he said
emphatically, pushing the nightmare images out of his mind. Their elder
son had charged in and rescued his mother, like a bold, younger version
of his father, guided by his own inherent grit and by his Skywalker
heritage.

"Jacen and Jaina," Leia reminded him, and in her voice Han could hear
her pride in their children. "They couldn't have done it, one without
the other. It was the two of them, using the Force together, that
allowed them to get me out of there."

Han swallowed tightly, grateful beyond words that his children were Jedi
and had the power to do the seemingly impossible. He silently prayed
that their command of the Force, combined with that of the other Jedi,
would be sufficient to pull their mother back from the brink of death.

"It'll be okay, Han," Leia whispered again, reading his thoughts
easily. "The Force is strong in our family. Everything will be okay in
the end, no matter how it works out." Always she seemed to know what he
was thinking. He couldn't fathom going a day without knowing that there
was someone out there who knew him as well as she did, and who loved him
anyway.

"Sleep, my princess," he finally urged her, stroking her forehead with
the backs of his fingers. "We'll be home before you know it." He
kissed her again, rested his cheek beside hers for a moment while he
whispered his love into her ear. He felt her cheek shift as she smiled
into his hair.

"I know," she assured him, her voice fading, sleep beginning to reclaim
her "I've always known."

He stayed beside her the remainder of the trip, holding her hand as she
slept. Keeping watch over her as the parsecs passed, and his ship
carried them home.

- - - - -


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