Journey to Serenity

Lelila

Leia drifted toward consciousness.  She could hear the rain beating against the roof and the foliage outside.  It was a heavy rain, but not  a violent one.  The faintest of breezes caressed her cheek now.  She snuggled further into her bedclothes,

enjoying the peacefulness of it all.

For a long few moments she just lay there, becoming more and more awake, and more and more aware of her surroundings: the way her shift had ridden up around her waist during her slumber (again), the forest sounds outside amidst the rain, the smell of damp earth, the whisper of the gentle wind, the slight itchiness of the animal skins the Ewoks had provided them for use as bedding, the heat emanating from the body beside her.

Leia slitted her eyes to find herself looking blearily  at Han's broad back. It seemed somewhat odd to her that they always fell asleep in each other's arms and usually woke up in some other position.  She mentally shrugged and mused that they must both be restless sleepers.

As the rain drummed on, Leia studied the back of her beloved, and appreciated the very maleness of him.  Masculinity was something she had not thought much about before she had admitted her feelings for Han, and in most other cases, still didn't.  To her, people were people; things like eye and hair color, features, and gender were incidental.

But with Han, it was different.  Everything about him screamed potency, virility, sexuality.  No wonder women found him so attractive.  Leia wondered why she hadn't realized sooner how attracted she was to him.  She smirked to herself; Han had most likely wondered the same thing.  Oh, Han knew what he did to women all right; she suspected that in his younger

days, hell, even in the early days of their knowing each other, he had used that to his advantage.  But she had absolutely no doubt that it had been a long time since that had happened. Not since he had realized his feelings for her.  Probably before. Which means that he'd been waiting a long time.  How she knew that, she wasn't sure, but she was as certain of it as she was

of the fact that his eyes were hazel.

Leia bit her lip.  He'd been so patient with her, never pushing, never even bringing the subject up.  At first she had wondered why, but she was fairly certain now that she knew, and the reasons warmed her heart.  He truly loved her and didn't want to do anything to jeopardize that.  And he knew.  He knew that she had never been with a man in that sense before.

She was aware of his knowledge, even though she'd never told him as much.  It was just one of the unspoken truths of their relationship; she understood that he'd had his share of women, and he was aware she was a virgin. 

Leia had been brought up to believe that sex was an act that bordered on the sacred.  It was the act that created life, after all, and on Alderaan life had been hallowed. But beyond that, she also believed that making love was the ultimate joining of souls; something that you gave only to someone you cared very deeply for.  It transcended the physical; it was spiritual.

Whether or not that was all true, Leia of course did not know for certain.  But she knew that if this mystical experience could happen, it could happen with Han.  The boys she had been fixed up with in the ancient past that was her days at court had a hard enough time keeping her attention, much less exciting her.  But Han made her blood boil and the room spin.  He excited her physically, mentally, and emotionally.

The few forays they had ventured into the world of physical love had given her a glimpse of the reality of the fairy tale she'd so often heard of and nearly as often had brushed off. The few passionate kisses they had stolen, the feather-light caresses over areas of her body that she herself rarely even touched, much less  anybody else ... they had ignited her skin, warmed her belly and made her whole body feel as if it were meters off the ground.  And she had loved every second of it.

Leia pondered all of this as the drumming rain and cozy warmth of the bed lulled her back to sleep.   Back into the recesses of her mind...

Hah!  I win!"  Han crowed as he slapped the last card down on the bunk.

They were due to land on Bespin in a little less than a standard day and, with Chewie on watch and Threepio powered down (to save his power, or so they told him), Han and Leia had found themselves with little to do.  Han had suggested a game of Zayaia, and now here they were, sitting on his bunk, facing each other, and throwing cards between them like their lives depended on it.  The game had been fast and furious, and they had spent a pleasant few hours trading friendly jibes as the upper hand shifted back and forth.

"Congratulations," Leia offered with a smile as she gathered up the cards.

The bunk shifted as Han leaned into her personal space.  "Kiss for the winner?"

Leia glanced up and met his eyes. He was wearing that bemused smirk of his, but his eyes were much more intent.  She felt her heart rise into her throat.  She swallowed.  "Sure."  She leaned in the rest of the way and pecked him chastely before going back to straightening the cards.

Those first few days aboard the Falcon after their first kiss had been skittish ones. She was far from certain as to what she felt, but the air just seemed to crackle whenever she and Han were in the same room.  But slowly, surely, they had become more comfortable being around each other.  That was really the biggest step; not being self-conscious around him.  It had taken almost the entire flight to Bespin, but that final night before they landed they'd stayed up late talking, playing cards, sharing soft, tender kisses and generally just learning to trust each other ... and then they had shared a bed for the first time.

Han had behaved like a perfect gentleman; much better than she would have given him credit for even a few days before.  His hands had stayed in respectable places, his kisses soft and undemanding.  She guessed that he knew that she was going to need a long courtship.

She made that realization that night as she lay awake in his arms listening to the hum of the back-up hyperdrive and his soft breathing.  She had wondered if, after his goal was attained, he would really leave for good.  The question had remained unanswered at the time, but now, there was no doubt in her mind.  Han wasn't like that.  He was courting her because he wanted her, not just some cheap fling he could have gotten anywhere. There were probably more than enough women willing to oblige him. She'd also had a stray thought that night that perhaps he was being this patient just so he could say he'd bedded the Princess, but now she knew that was also untrue.  Han loved her, rank and status notwithstanding. Perhaps she had always known that and it was only her own doubts and fears that had made her think such things.

During the one night they had spent together on Bespin, Leia had been a little braver.  Kisses became more passionate and Han had touched her in places that night that no man had ever touched her before.  He had traced the outline of her figure through her clothes; over the swell of her hips, across her belly, and around the fullness of her breasts, his thumbs just barely skimming over her still-clothed nipples. It had electrified her.  

She had let her hands wander as well, following the lines of his muscular chest and back.  She had felt his desire for her pressing through his trousers. It had frightened her and she had backed off a bit at that point.  Leia knew the mechanics of sex, of course, knew what happened to a man when he was aroused, but the idea that she could arouse a man was foreign to her and she hadn't known what to make of it then.  She still wasn't sure.

Even so, they had shared a bed again that night, kissing, caressing, and holding each other.  Leia slept better than she had in months, maybe years.  When she awoke to find him spooned up behind her, holding her close, she had never felt so safe.  She thought that was when she realized she loved him.

And then they had torn him from her.  Literally ripped them apart.  She had spent the ensuing months vacillating between berating herself for listening too much to her rational mind and wanting nothing more than to feel the way she had that last morning on Bespin.  Safe.  Warm.  Loved.

And then they had gotten him back. Against all odds, they had saved him.  She had saved him.  And he was alive. He had been weak and blind and disoriented, but he was alive.  It had taken all her self-control to keep herself from kissing him from head to  toe.  One brief, intense kiss was all she allowed herself.  She knew at that moment there was no doubt: he was the one.  He already had her heart and her soul; the way her chest had nearly split open when she had heard him speak her name had confirmed that it was only a matter of time before she would give her body to him as well.  The only question that really remained was when.

Han had spent the trip from Tatooine to Sullust recovering his strength.  Leia had played nursemaid and had spent a lot of time watching him sleep.  She herself slept very little on the three-day journey.  It was as if she couldn't let him out of her sight   if she did she might wake up and find that all of it had been a dream.

Once they arrived at Sullust, things moved very fast.  Meetings, briefings, conferences.  They spent two nights at headquarters, but they spent them in separate rooms. The first night Han had spent in the med center, and the second they had worked different shifts.  Their time together was very brief.   Even so, Leia had gotten a contraceptive inoculation.  She wanted to be ready.

And then, he totally shocked her by accepting  leadership of the ground assault.  She had to go with him.  They had been separated for too long.

The first night on Endor had been an emotional roller coaster for her.  Luke revealed her past to her, and then Han had been callous and emotionally distant right when she needed him to be supportive.  She found out later it was because he was jealous.  Of Luke, of all people.  Leia had to laugh.  She had never thought of Luke in that way, even before she knew her true relationship to him.  But that Han had been willing to give her up so she could have what she wanted ... it had only cemented her love for him even more. 

After Han had bound her wound and she had set him straight as to her relationship with Luke, he had taken her in his arms and lowered her into the ferns, kissing and caressing her, igniting feelings that had lain dormant for nearly a year.  She reciprocated

happily, hungrily. They pressed against each other,  gripping each other, pulling at clothing.  She was lost; her head swam, her body tingled, and she was perfectly content to let whatever might happen happen, right there in that shaded glen.  She had wanted this for too long.  And it probably would have happened, too, had not two celebrating Ewoks come tumbling into the

clearing, practically assaulting them with hugs and tickling and general merriment.

That night had been filled with celebrating, and while they had stayed close to one another, they were not truly alone until nearly dawn, when they collapsed into the bed they now shared, and fell into an exhausted sleep.

The next day had been filled with the typical post- battle clean-up: tending to wounded, taking inventories of gains and losses, repairing equipment.  The night had again been a late one and they had snuggled together and they had fallen into a contented, wearied sleep.

And now here they were.  The rain was still falling outside and Leia again felt a cool, moist breeze fan a few stray hairs across her cheek.  Han had  flipped onto his stomach, though he was still facing away from her.  She was more awake now, pondering all of this.  She let out an audible sigh.  She was happy and melancholy all at the same time.  Their romance, to her at least, had seemed quite long, but in reality, it had been very brief.  But the intensity of her feelings for him, and what she felt from him made her sure ...sure that no matter what happened, there would be no regrets.  

Then, almost as if he had read her thoughts, Han's arm shot out from under his body and coiled around her, and he dragged her under him.  She squealed in surprise and delight.

 

He kissed her then, long and slow and firm, yet gently at the same time.  Time seemed to stop for Leia as she let her senses be assaulted by this man and what he was doing to her.  All too soon for her, the kiss broke, and Han smiled that crooked smile of his and whispered huskily, "Good morning."

She smiled back, draping her arms around his neck, "Good morning. How long have you been awake?"

"Mmmmm ... long enough to know that you were awake."  He began to drop kisses onto her nose and cheeks and eyelids.

Lazily, they began to kiss and caress each other, reacquainting themselves with each other's forms.  Slowly, gradually, their passions grew more intense.  Leia opened her mouth and her soul to Han, allowing herself to again be swept away by this man's touch.  This was real. Yet there was a part of her mind that couldn't believe.  She gripped at him, afraid that if she

let go, he would disappear.

Their breathing grew ragged.  Leia raked her nails across Han's bare back as he lazily dragged his tongue up the length of her neck and nibbled the underside of her chin.  

Leia felt light-headed.  Her stomach knotted.  Her heart pounded.  Every nerve in her body seemed over-sensitized as a warmth spread from chest out to her extremities.  Something very primal yet very spiritual awakened in her as her world narrowed to this man and his ministrations.

Han rolled over Leia onto his side, taking her with him. He let his hands wander freely over her body, leaving a path of fiery goosebumps in their wake.  He traced his fingertips down her spine and opened his palm to caress her bottom.  He dragged the heel of his hand over her hip and up across her belly, causing her to gasp.  The gasp turned into a shakily exhaled moan as he gently cupped a breast.

He pulled her to him now, holding her tightly, panting into her ear. She could feel his arousal pressing against her thigh. Half out of instinct, half out of determination, Leia lifted her leg and wrapped it around his hips.  

But Han did nothing. He just held on to her.  "Leia," he gasped shakily into her ear, "Leia, I need to ask you something."

As if in answer, she pushed away from him gently and kissed him, hard. But he didn't understand.  "Leia ... I know you're not that experienced in this kind of thing..."

"Shhhhhhh..." she whispered, nibbling on his lower lip.  "It's all right.  I want this just as much as you do, Han."

He blinked at her, not quite believing what he heard.  "But ... it's ... it's so soon..."

She smiled weakly, blinking back tears.  "For you,Han, perhaps.  But for me ... I've spent nearly a year waiting for you, wanting you, dreaming of you.  For me, it's not too soon.  It's been too long in coming."

He shut his eyes against an onslaught of emotion, but Leia wasn't finished.  She cupped his cheek in her hand, caressing his cheekbone with her thumb, and went about to finish explaining herself.  "Han, do you remember that last night we spent together on Bespin?  Not the night in the cell, the night before?"  He nodded marginally. "Well, I spent the entire time you were gone thinking about that night and the following morning.  About how you held me and we talked and just made each other feel loved."  She drew a sharp breath, choking back tears.  "I spent every night while you were gone hoping I would wake up the next morning and find you there, holding me the way you did that morning. Sometimes... sometimes I would hold my pillow and try to recapture the feeling I had, and sometimes it even worked: you were there, and I felt it again. Love, peace. But the feelings were always fleeting; here and then gone again in a split second, leaving nothing but despair and emptiness, and me holding a lumpy pillow instead of a wonderful man."

The tears rolled freely down her cheeks now, and he pulled her back into his arms, crushing her against him, and letting his own tears flow.  "It's all right, " he whispered into her hair, kissing her forehead and temple.  "It's all right.  I'm here now.  I'm not going anywhere."

As if to reassure herself, she kissed him fiercely, pushing herself against him, gripping him with both her arms and the leg slung over his hips.  She felt him more fully now, the most male part of him.  It was an odd sensation, and it drove something in her that she had never felt before.

Han was obviously feeling something similar, as he pushed his hands up under her shift and caressed the bare skin of her back.  His warm hands felt so good...

Suddenly, full of exuberance, determination, and joyous love, Leia pushed herself away from Han, sat up, and pulled the shift over her head, sending it flying into the room.  He looked at her a bit dumbfounded for a moment, and then broke into that boyish grin of his.   "You're beautiful, sweetheart."  She smiled down at him, and then descended back into his arms.

The feel of bare skin against bare skin made Leia's entire body tingle. She kissed him passionately, hungrily, for a few moments, moaning into his mouth.  Then, in what was for her a bold move, she placed her open mouth against his throat.  He hummed at that, and Leia enjoyed the buzz his larynx made against her lips.

She left a trail of wet kisses down his neck to his collarbone, and would have continued further had not her entire body lit up as Han pushed his hands inside her panties and gently squeezed her buttocks.  Instinctively, she moaned and arched against him.

Han took this opening to place his lips against her exposed neck, kissing and nibbling his way down and across her collarbone.  He eased her over onto her back and placed a reverent kiss between her breasts.

He glanced up at her now, his hazel eyes full of more things than Leia could identify: love, joy, desire, apprehension... She smiled back, as much to reassure herself as he.

Han's fingertips gently curved their way around the outside swell of her right breast as he slowly placed a tender kiss against the worried knot of her nipple.  Leia felt her breath leave her body and then felt a twitch and a fullness at her core as he went on to trace the sensitive spot with his tongue.  

He repeated the actions on her other breast as he rolled onto his side next to her.  The leg that she had thrown over him fell back to the bed, and Han slid his hand over her belly and across her thighs, tracing the underside of the one that had so recently held him close to her.

He spent a long time caressing her, running his hands over her breasts, her belly, her thighs, all the while kissing her gently all over her face. His fingertips played at the waistband of her panties, venturing further and further inside.  Finally, he pushed his entire hand past the bit of elastic and ran his palm gently over the most intimate part of her.

Leia moaned and her legs fell open of their own volition.  Han took that as his cue and carefully, gently removed the wayward garment.

Laid bare before him, Leia swallowed hard.  Why she should suddenly be self-conscious she did not know, but a tingling of doubt had mixed itself in with the joy and love she was feeling.  She shut her eyes against it, unexpectedly unsure.  

But suddenly Han was there again, kissing her firmly, passionately.  He gathered her up in his arms and held her, ravishing her face and neck with kisses.  Her uncertainty vanished as she wrapped her arms around him and did her best to keep up with him, kissing and nibbling and nuzzling back.  Her hands worked their way down his broad back until they encountered his shorts, the one article of clothing that he wore. She pushed her hands underneath them, initially intending only to explore, as he had done.  But they slid down with her probing, and before she knew what had happened, Han had slid away from her a few centimeters to help her dispose of them.

She just looked at him for a long few moments. She'd seen naked men before, even aroused naked men.  Even so, she had never been the cause of that arousal, and the idea was more than a little intimidating.  Her head was swimming, her breath was quick.  Shakily, she reached out and ran her fingertips down his length. 

She heard him breathe a wavering "Oh..."  She was surprised and delighted at how soft and silky the skin was.  The organ twitched at her touch, furthering her thrill.  Her initial hesitancy overcome, she traced all sides of him, up and down, enjoying the mixed sensations of heat and rigidity and smoothness.  She wrapped her fingers around him, felt him pulse in her hand.

Without warning, Han grabbed her wrist and rolled over on top of her, kissing her fiercely.   She fought fire with fire: she matched every stroke of his tongue with one of her own, scraping her teeth against his.  She dug her fingers into his skin as she felt him do the same.

Every nerve in Leia's body was working overtime.  Every movement that Han made sent tingles through her entire body.  Her breath came in ragged gasps.  Her heartbeat pounded in her ears faster than the sound of the rain on the roof.  And an ache had entered her loins.  An ache compounded when Han gently pushed a hand between her legs to touch the part of her that was most awake at this moment.  Leia nearly jumped off the bed.  His caresses were gentle and feathery, but they nearly drove Leia out of her mind.  There was no conscious thought at this point; only feelings, desires, needs...

And then the world exploded around her.  Her entire body tensed; lights danced before her eyes and she felt as though she were radiating energy through her fingers, her toes, the follicles of her hair 

For a long few moments afterward all she was aware of was the sound of the rain and the feel of Han's gentle rain of kisses on her lips and cheeks.  As she regained her senses, she reached up and kissed him fervently.  He settled himself more firmly against her, returning her passions with equal enthusiasm.

After resolving the tangle of their legs, Han breathed, his lips still brushing hers, "Are you sure about this?"

Dragging her lips sensuously over his, she whispered back, "I've never been more sure of anything."

He kissed her gently now, as if to cement their union with his lips as he slowly became one with her.  As he settled into the cradle of her hips, he murmured into her ear, "Just relax."  He placed a sensual kiss on her neck.  "Let me love you."

It was unbearably slow.  His movements were long and drawn out, as if he had all the time in the universe. Every shift of his hips was peppered with soft kisses and tender caresses.  Leia did her best to reciprocate, but she was so lost ... the smell of him, the feel of him on and inside of her ... if heaven truly was better than this feeling, she didn't think she would be able to stand it.

A crash of thunder ripped into her consciousness now, and in the gap Leia noticed absently that the rain was coming faster now.  The joining of the two beings in the hut was becoming more furious now as well, and Leia found herself reaching, reaching ... for what she wasn't sure...

Han tensed against and inside her, digging his fingers into her shoulders as his final release came.  At that moment, the wave crashed over Leia, engulfing her, consuming her ... it was too much to manage.  The lights that had danced before her eyes earlier became blazing suns as her entire body tensed.  After what seemed like forever, she released, coughing and spluttering, and then sobbing uncontrollably.

"Leia?  Leia?  Oh, kreth, Leia, I didn't hurt you, did I?"  Han entreated desperately, moving his weight off of her and wiping her eyes.

"No ... no."  She shook her head, beaming at him through her tears.  "It's just ... it's just so much at once...  it's so beautiful..." She trailed off, weeping tears of joy.

Han rolled onto his back, gathering her up into his arms and stroking her hair.  She calmed down after a few moments. And then it hit her. The love, and peace, and bliss, and joy that had all been there before, only magnified.  Leia lost herself in the feelings.

A cool breeze caressed her again now, and she noted vaguely that the rain had begun to let up.  Leia let out a contented, if shaky, sigh.  

"Han?"

"Yeah, sweetheart?"

"I feel it now.  And it's not going away."

Han smiled.  "I know, sweetheart.  I feel it too."