Unfortunately, the most recent lawsuit implicating McDonald's, the teens who allege that eating at McDonald's made them fat, was filed after the 2004 voting was closed. This suit will top the 2005 awards list without question.
5th place (tied)
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankel tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably suprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving toddler was Mrs. Robertson's son.
5th place (tied)
19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently did not notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal the wheels.
5th place (tied)
Terrence Dickenson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a house that he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He could not re-enter the house because the door connecting the house to the garage had locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickenson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undo mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
4th place
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been a little provoked at the time as Mr. Williams, who had climbed over the fence and into the neighbor's yard, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
3rd place
A Philedelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier, during an argument.
2nd place
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred whilst Ms. Walton was trying to sneak in the window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
1st place
This year's first place runway winner was Mr. Mer Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new Winnebago motor home. On his trip home from an OU football game, having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed, and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual he could not actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new Winnebago motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreation vehicles.
Ronald A. Ritchie
Senior Staff Attourney
American Family Insurance
ONLY IN AMERICA CAN PEOPLE GET AWAY WITH SOMETHING SO STUPID.