manda . r a i

SARCASTIC ESSAY THREE

Day Four. Part three of the family is coming today. Jo's and Karen's father, and my other cousins Jennifer and her sister and their family. Jennifer... and I have no idea what her sister's name is. I seriously don't. I think Jennifer is three years younger than me and her sister is like two years younger than her or something. Last time I saw them I was like eight. Who knows what they look like now. All I can remember is Jennifer being this bratty little kid who hung on to your hair and never let go. Not until half of your hair is in her hands that is. Hopefully by now she's grown out of that stage. My room isn't in such good shape. Little James and Allen do their job well of making a mess. I feel sorry for their parents. They must have a lot of fun at home. There is nothing to do at home except sit around and wait for this to be over.

Days Five through Seven. This nightmare is half over. Woohoo. The past few days were filled with my parents driving everyone to malls and whatnot. A couple of my relatives rented their own cars, but mostly they borrowed our cars... and my parents to drive them. And hey, if you can get free cars to drive, why bother to pay more money? Right now there is a total of what, fifteen people or so staying at my house? Let's count. Jo, Karen, their mother and father, Jennifer, her sister, their mother and father, James, Allen, their parents, the six people in my family... wow that's eighteen already... and then there's my grandparents, did I mention them? Well, they're here, both sets... and my cousin Mikel and his family are coming over on Christmas Day. Since Mikel lives in San Jose, he doesn't have to stay over. Lucky us. So that's what, okay twenty-four people in my house. Our living room is like a camp site. Twenty-six are going to be here for dinner on Christmas. What fun. Can't wait to cook and clean and scrub! We should just have pizza for Christmas dinner.

Christmas Eve. Chaos. The only good thing out of it is seeing all the presents under the tree. The tree is buried by all the presents! Woohoo. My mother and all the other mothers make all of us kids wake up all bright and early. The dads get to sleep in. Why do all the dads get to sleep in when all us kids and mothers are all hard at work cleaning and cooking and organizing and stuff? Not fair I tell you. James and Allen run around poking everyone with their little swords and attacking us with their Pokemon and Power Ranger action figures. BAM! BAM! I hear Jo fall to the floor in fake death. She groans in "pain". Next time those little children come running around me I'm going to take their sword away and kill their Pokemon with it. Karen and I are busy in the kitchen helping all the mothers cook the dinner and stuff. Dude, we get stuck with helping the mothers because we're the oldest. Why did they make all the other little children wake up then? I can do without hearing Jennifer screaming as James "kills" her with a Pokemon. Oh my, the evil Pikachu is attacking with a thundershock. Ahhh... I'd better watch out. Pikachu might attack me with his deadly powers. In the background I hear Jennifer's sister wailing. Oh great. My mother sends me to find out what's wrong. I wander off in the direction of the cries and I find a little red-faced pig-tailed kid crying in the middle of nowhere.

"Hey yo, what's wrong dude?" I ask. The kid just cries harder. Wonderful. "Dude, what's the matter?" Her screams grow higher and I swear I've gone deaf in my left ear. "Okay... be that way." I turn around to walk away. She screams even louder and runs after me. You have no idea how loud kids can scream. This brings the attention of James. He comes zooming in the room with a plastic airplane. BOOM! He pretends to drop a bomb on her. The kid starts crying even louder. Gosh how loud can she get?! My right ear is now deaf also. "C'mon, let's go find your mother." I try to pull her toward the direction of the kitchen but she resists and stays where she is. Kids can be strong if they want to be. "Come on... gosh, let's go!" I grab her hand again and pull as hard as I can toward the kitchen. She instantly lets go and I fall back on my butt. She finds this hilariously funny. So does James. And so does the rest of the little kids. It seems like the whole under nine population has come to watch this spectacle. What fun. Here I am, falling on my a$$ in front of dozens of little children, and all they do is laugh. Kids are evil, they really are.

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