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| Catalyst | ||||||||||||
| I don�t want what I said to you to just become another empty promise. I want to fulfill my expectations upon myself so I can say I�m not a dork. I want to get to know you so I know you before you�re gone for college. You seem very interesting and always have been and you�ve entranced me forever. It�s because of your cynical, quirky attitude and your sarcastic remarks about the strange social mechanics promoted by teachers in their classrooms. I want to a part of your friendship circle, to become involved in your life in some satisfying manner between the two of us. Although I do not want to force this, because that�s too strange of a way to make friends, I know I have to try something. I know it can�t be forced. I didn�t know how to begin without doing that, so I never started. Kept it contained to keep some control on it, out of fear more or less. Unknowing I am of what that does to the oppressed participant; I kept it up believing it to do something, possibly force you to crack by my non-action. But the implementation of the defensive wall was taxing. After years of it, I cracked instead. I had subversive thoughts of deconstruction, to end the paranoid measure. But it had proven worthless and the wall grew too strong, I had lost hope, desolation was my name and title. I just about gave up when something caught my eye; like a diamond in the open desert, it was sharply glittering. I became aware of finality, a sense of now-or-never and immediacy. That if I let this continue, I will feel like I�m over. Why let this happen? It�s silly in the grand scheme of things. Something created out of nothing but fear controlling me, to let that destruct me? I tried to blow the wall apart systematically with this trigger disguised as a letter. I was destined to be free. Think of that letter as the final declaration, a catalyst for destruction and creation. Maybe we can begin now. | ||||||||||||
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