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| Jennifer Rackley | |||||||||||||
| To Table of Contents | |||||||||||||
| September 7, 2001 | |||||||||||||
| Independent Essay | |||||||||||||
| The Knife Incident | |||||||||||||
| I tiptoed across the kitchen floor and stopped in front of the utensil drawer. Quietly, I opened the drawer, where I paused for a minute to look at the forbidden knives. The worn wooden handles bore cracks around the two brass rivets that held them together, and the blades were dull, gray silver and jagged. | |||||||||||||
| I didn't stand long before reaching into the drawer to take out a knife. I planned to sneak the knife outside, probably to dig in the dirt, or perform some other experiment that absolutely required the forbidden object. | |||||||||||||
| As I closed the drawer, I turned slightly and startled at the sight of my brother standing behind me. Reflexively, I lowered the knife and pointed it at him. We stood there, motionless, for the space of two long breaths, him looking at me and me looking at him. My fear mounted rapidly that he would tattle on me to my mother, who was busily folding laundry in another room. Just when I thought my heart would beat its way out of my chest, Danny reached up and grabbed the knife blade. He tugged on it saying "Mine!" At first I was shocked that he decided to be so bold and try to take my toy away. Then I realized, "He's trying to take my toy away!" I pulled on the handle, trying to free the prized possession from his grasp. He responded by yanking even harder on the blade. | |||||||||||||
| Back and forth, back and forth went the knife until I used both hands and jerked as hard as I could on the handle. To my enormous elation, the knife came free of Danny's hand. To my severe horror, it carved his palm, as it left, and blood flooded over his hand and onto the floor. | |||||||||||||
| In desperation, I pressed my back against the wood and tried to become part of the cabinet. Danny stood sobbing, holding his hand, while my mother frantically, caught hold of his shoulders and examined his hand. At the same time, she screamed at me in the shrill voice that I still hear in my nightmares, "Jennifer! What did you do!?!!" | |||||||||||||
| I gaped at him, with the knife still in my hand, stunned beyond reason that my toy could cause so much damage. Danny backed away holding his hand, screaming in agony. My alarm at the damage that had been wrought, quickly became panic as my mother came charging out of the bedroom like an enraged mother elephant, ready to crush whomever caused her son to howl in such pain. The fact that that person was her daughter, her child, her first-born, the apple of her eye, made no difference whatsoever. | |||||||||||||
| I can"t remember what happened after that. However, my mother assures me the punishment she doled out was not a lenient one. Somehow, though, I managed to survive to tell the tale. Danny, too, was only minimally scathed. He bears a small white scar on the palm of his hand and no memory of how it got there. | |||||||||||||
| That was twenty years ago, and Danny and I are all grown up. He's busy making his way in the world and I spend my days caring for my two children. I have a three-year-old daughter and an eight-month-old son. In another year, they will be the same age as Danny and I when that episode occurred. | |||||||||||||
| With that in mind, I've been trying to comprehend my daughter's attitude towards her brother. I had forgotten what it was like to be four years old. At that time, I didn't see Danny as a baby, I saw him as an adversary. Season reacts to Tynan in much the same way that I did towards Danny. I have realized she doesn't comprehend that when Tynan hurts her he's not trying to, he just doesn't understand that it hurts. | |||||||||||||
| So, now, instead of punishing her and making her feel even more resentful of Tynan, I tell her that we have to educate him. Together we will teach him to be gentle, to know what hurts, and how to apologize. Hopefully, by making her an active part of Tynan's schooling she will become aware of his limitations. I'd also like to avoid a trip to the emergency room. | |||||||||||||
| This anecdote has surprised me by teaching me something new and valuable. It has given me a peek into Season's three-year-old mind, and helped me to understand the world as she sees it. I will be a better mother if I can relate to her predicament. And, of course, I never leave the utensil drawer unlocked. | |||||||||||||