Rima9: they are beyond not even!!!
Rima9: and there is no saving them!!!
Rima9: i'm going back to the salon and slapping that bitch!
Rima9: i should know better than to get my eyebrows done in duluth
Rima9: :-(
�I�d say it�s about�oh I don�t know�15 inches tall?� � Jan, about the Coleman lantern
�Yeah! Like if you took a loaf of bread and stood it on one end!� � Mom
�I was going to make a Brontosaurus noise, but I suddenly realized I don�t know what that sounds like.� � Sara
�I would like to have my picture taken with Jasmine, because she�s my favorite AND because she�s Middle Eastern.� � Rima
�Or we could combine our names to create one, like Rulia, or Job.� � Rob
�I think most rides just prohibit expectant mothers�women bursting with babies.� � Rob
�I just swallowed it whole�how long will it take to adjust?� - ???
�You�re my link to the blacks.� � Dave, to Jan
Mtchbx20: whereas my horoscope: There's some activity behind the scenes that could lead to a new location for you.
Mtchbx20: so i'm either being fired or evicted while we're gone! yay! :-)
Mtchbx20: ahh..Disney World, where the princesses wear little - at Disney World, where the ice cream is shaped like a mouse's head - at Disney World, where children run rampant without any parental control and Dave will bite his tongue so hard that it bleeds...at DISNEY WORLD!!!!
Mtchbx20: Where I will have gas and Jan races for the fast pass....at Disney World
blondie: Where the lines are long, and Dave scratches his dong...at Disney World
Mtchbx20: Where Wong will sleep late and Jan will be first at the gate...at Disney World!
Mtchbx20: Where Jan runs for the fastest route and Rima yells "biscoot"...at Disney World!
blondie: Where everyone gets tan, and birds fly at Jan, at Disney World!
Mtchbx20: where Jason drinks his German ale and Jan is still pale...at Disney World!
MetalnGuns: it only took me till the 4th year of those things to finally get one...i almost regret licking your ear at the wedding...
Rima9: i am sooo behind schedule!!!
Rima9: damn it!
Rima9: You Got Served was on and I had to watch it!!
Rima9: Damn Omarion and his mezmorizing moves!
Disney 2006
�Her name should be BORAH Jones.� � Dave, about Norah Jones
�Aren�t you cold?� � Dave
<Checks Jan�s boobs>
�Dave! I�m appalled! And a little aroused.� � Jan
�Oh! He had Crohn�s disease, not IBS!� � Dave, randomly
�Guess what? We�re in parking lot BF2�best friends�long term best friends.� � Dave
�Dave! We haven�t even made it to the airport yet and you�ve made it 3 times!� � Jan
�Fuck you, Sara!� � Dave, busting out during a quiet bus ride
�Companion Care? Does that mean we can do it?� � Wong, reading bathroom sign
�Wow, you�re fast!� � Jan, to Wong coming out of the bathroom
�I just had to pee, I wasn�t, like, whacking off or whatever.� � Wong
Fun Pon = Funny List notepad
�See? Age does not matter.� � Jan
�That�s what I said and I STILL got arrested.� � Wong
�I�ll change in the lobby. You seen one Asian, you�ve seen them all!� - Wong
�Why didn�t we get married there?� � Jan
�We couldn�t even afford the cheap Disney wedding behind the trash bins at the hotel.� � Jason
�Hey ladies.� � Wong
�Wong, they�re probably sophomores and juniors in high school.� � Jan
�I was talking about the mom�M.I.L.F!� � Wong
�Look at the bunny! Or the jackalope. I can�t tell, I don�t have my glasses on.� � Lisa
�It sounded like chimichonga.� � Lisa
�Chimichonga isn�t Italian.� � Jan
�Cahones?� � Rima, loudly
�Cahones is Spanish! And it means BALLS!� � Jan
�It�s Kelly! And we�re in Disney! And I�m delightfully full!� � Jan, excited
�Hand check!� � Dave, looking under the table
�Synchronize fingering.� � Dave, to Jason and Wong
�We�re in Narnia.� � Rima, in accent
�I bet she�s a freak in bed!� � Wong, about the White Witch
�Never lose that magic, Jan.� � Rima
�The Fun Pon got wet.� � Jan
�It should be absorbent.� � Dave
�It�s absorbent with laughter.� � Dave, laughing to himself.
�Did we lose Jason?� � Wong
�He�s droppin� a deuce.� � Dave
�Sproutin� a tail.� � Wong
�Butt paste, I tell ya, get some butt paste.� � Jan
�I don�t want assface!� � Lisa, confused
�Jan, I can�t let you forget me!� � Lisa, meaning to say, �Jan, don�t let me forget��
�You�re the best I�ve ever had.� � Rima, to Pluto after he licked her hand.
�I�d rather be nuts than crazy.� � Chip�s handwritten message after discovering the Fun Pon and read Wong�s comment about the White Witch (see above)
�Shut up, I�m the most prepared person in the room!� � Lisa, sitting in the theater with poncho and glasses on.
�With a touch of a job and you live like a slob, you ain�t never had a friend like me!� � Rima, to herself � Hilarity Ensued.
�Rima, roll over.� � Jan, to Rima, who was snoring
�Are you gonna cut me open now?� Rima
�Ahh, Epcot, the land of milk and honey.� � Rima
�What does that MEAN?� � Jan
�I don�t know.� � Rima
<Wong and Dave ask Rima to say dirty things in Lebanese>
�Doggy style?� � Dave
�Whara a woof-woof?� � Jan
�In the name of Ron Howard, I think that boy just crapped his pants!� � Lisa
�It�s okay, it has a hole in it, you can suck it.� � Dave, to Rima about her stir
�One more thing and someone would have gotten a magical foot up their ass.� � Random unmagical woman while waiting for the bus
Ek341997: that's like when i wrote, "ola", and someone was like, "There's an h on it"
Ek341997: so i wrote, "olah"
�You want me to be stank like that?� � Lauren, threatening to put her feet out the window of the car like the skank we passed
�This means stop.� � Police Officer to Jan
�You name any store and it�s around here.� � Jan
<BURRRRRRRRP> - Lauren
�Not that one.� � Jan
�If Matthew McConaughey were to come into Chuck�s, I would, like, hump his leg.� - Lauren
blondie6133: if you were like, "Jan, you can either be my friend, OR own Maui and Simba..." you'd lose.
Whodinky2: yeah okay
Whodinky2: well i like them
blondie6133: I told Jason last night that he better never make me choose.
blondie6133: cause HE'D lose.
Whodinky2: Jason looked at her and said, "Janny you can either keep me and <insert baby name here> or Simba and Maui." Our heroine boldly looked at her soon-to-be ex-husband, thrust the baby in his arms, put the leashes on her precious puppies and walked out the door.
Whodinky2: Women of the world raise your right hand.
blondie6133: I get everything but the right hand thing.
Whodinky2: the ads...where theyre selling diamonds to single women
Whodinky2: and telling you to wear it on your right hand
blondie6133: oh oh oh
Whodinky2: and my very single right hand gives them the finger
�You have lyxdexia.� � Jan
�Is that the limp tail thing?� � Jeff
�Even getting me to do mine is 50/50.� � Jeff, about brushing his teeth
�He had painted, no lie, a 12x12 piece of wood! What am I supposed to do, put it in my pocketbook? I wanted a paint sample, he didn�t have to paint the side of a barn!� � Mom
�Dear Lifetime, you give me nothing to live for. You should be called Deathtime.� � Jan, about Lifetime taking Golden Girls off at 6pm
�Hi, it�s me, Stan�� � Dave, during Dido song
Four funnies found on paper in Jason�s car � no idea where they�re from or who said them, but I bet Jeff is involved.
�I just grabbed the first cylindrical think I felt.�
�Really, does that happen often to you?� � (About the engine-coolant checker)
�I just remember her arms were like fur-covered animals. I can only imagine what her legs or other regions were like.� � (This HAD to be Jeff)
�What�s that smell?�
<Shoves finger in face>
�What�s on your finger?�
�I thought that�s what smelled. It would have been that girl in Wal-Mart.� (This has to be Jeff too)
�Should I go in the front or back entrance?� (Again, this reeks of Jeff)
�I�d rather have a $100,000 gift certificate to Rite-Aid.� � Sara, about the grand prize for �So You Think You Can Dance�
�You gotta buy me dinner before you go down there.� � Sara, to a sniffing Simba
<Sigh> - Simba
�If they could fry up a rake, I�d eat it.� � Dave
�I�d rather eat a hoe, but that�s just me.� � Sara
�I�m in love with my beer.� � Dave
�If you start making love to it, I�m out of here.� � Jan
�And waste the beer???� � Dave
�Charlie Batch�change the �a� to an �i� and what do you get?...Chirlie Batch.� � Dave
�They had more boot on than they did clothes!� � Dave, about the Arizona Cardinals cheerleaders
�Oh yeah�you�re basically Jesus.� � Sara, about her mom being obsessed with me
�But with closed-toed shoes.� � Jan
�We�re watching the Teen Choice Awards because Jason wants to see KFed perform.� � Jan
�He�s just hoping for a secret Spice Girls reunion.� � Sara
�What are your thoughts on Nick Lachey?� � Jan
�He can have what�s left of me�� � Sara
<Phone rings>
�106? What area code is that?� � Jan
�Is that like the first area code ever??? Plymouth is calling?� � Dave
�It�s the Pilgrims calling to invite me for Thanksgiving.� � Jan
�Does Little Richard make you feel confused?� � Sara
<Pause>
�Sexually?� � Jan
�I�ve been told that his penis resembles a paper towel roll!� � Sara
�Wow, even Bela Karolyi can�t save that.� � Sara, about Carlie Patterson�s singing
�Oh really, oh really, oh really, oh�we�re mormon.� � Sara, as Marie Osmond
�Only ugly people kill��cause they�re jealous�of us good looking people.� � Dave, slowly
�Welcome to America! Wahoo! Learn how to drive!� � Dave, while flicking off all Diplomats and Ohioans
�Remember when we mocked them from my dorm room?� � Sara, about Take Back the Night people
�Yes�� � Jan
�We�re going to hell.� � Sara
�It�s not their point I mock�� � Jan
�It�s their militant lesbianism we mock?� � Sara
�It�s worth it to see Bob Sagat talk about punani.� � Sara, about �The Aristocrats�
�Isn�t Waste of Space dead? No, he�s just married.� � Sara
�I don�t consider Woody Harrelson to be in the �kinky� category.� � Jan
�Doo doo.� � Aunt Carol
�Don�t you mean Qa qa?� � Dad
�Dad threw up a little in HIS cage last night, too.� � Mom
�Even with my contacts OUT I wouldn�t tap that.� � Sara, about Steve Blake
�What colonies have queens? Ya got bees, ants�� � Uncle Bill
�Provincetown�� � Lauren
�My Spanish friends call me that.� � Lauren, about Lorena
�You need to be politically correct.� � Mom
�I know, but I�m down.� � Lauren
�What do you want to be when you grow up?� � Jan
�DISCO MONKEY!� � Alex
�The day I come downstairs with their pictures on my shirt�� � Jan, about Maui and Simba
�Then you�re a Midwestern housewife.� � Lauren
�How come I don�t have a quote on there?� � Aunt Carol
�Say something funny, Carol.� - Mom
�I saw enough nasty boobies on that show on masturbation. I don�t need to see any more boobs!� � Jan
�They went into this store and it was just shelves and shelves of dildos!� � Jan, horrified
�Sounds like my Friday night.� - Sara
�I mean, boogars are gross, but they�re not amoral.� � Sara
�Is that the one with the hat, the dress, and the chair?� � Jeff, instead of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe
�Did you even see what I wrote on your package last night?� � Jan, to Dave, meaning his GIFT, not package
�I wouldn�t mind getting caught in a maze of corn�I�d eat my way out!� � Dave
�Donna Martin�masturbates, procreates, hallucinates, conjugates.� � Dave
�Crikey!...May he rest in peace.� � Dave, while playing Dr. Mario
�What does Heidi Klum smell like? Breast milk.� � Lauren
�I am wet nurse to no one.� � Jan
�Now she gonna have nightmares. She gonna sleep hotdog style between you and dad!� � Lauren, about Jan
�No wonder the Japanese are a head of us in every way.� � Dad, about cell phone technology
�What ever happened to Susan Powter?� � Sara
�Is that the sister of the guy in that movie Powder?� � Jeff
�Luckily, you can�t transmit disease from animal to man. Unless it�s bird flu.� � Jan
�Or Aids.� � Dave
�We don�t make fun of Aids enough.� � Dave
�We�ve moved on from sickle cell, apparently.� � Jan
�They lied�via label�that�s the worst kind of lie.� � Dave, at Giant, about mislabeled baked goods
�Whatever, it�s the Devil�s Book.� � Dave
�Yeah, my friend Pat, I could be like, �My dick is a foot long� and she�d be like, �Mine is 13 inches.�� � Dave
�Now do the light�Now do an Irish jig�� � Dave, to Jan (I don�t remember the context!)
�I licked Mommy�s, now I�ll lick yours!� � Jan, as Simba about drinking from the straw in her cup
�Mutant Nun.� � Dave (Again, I don�t remember the context!)
�Outta my way, bitches! And hoes. I do not want to discriminate.� � Jason, while driving
�Continental does not mean �picky� in Italian. I do what I want.� � Jeff, about hotel breakfast
�I don�t get the explosive part at the end.� � Jan, about the video for �Sexyback�
�The love they have for each other is explosive.� � Jason
�So how was day 1 of vacation with me? Pretty awesome, wasn�t it?� � Jeff
�Calamari IS the apple of the sea!� � Jeff
�You don�t want to buy a David?� � Jan
�Anytime I want to see the David, I just look down.� � Jeff
�Bonito gato la casa!� � Jason, to Maui
�Don�t you wish your cod piece was tan like mine?� � Jason, singing
�What�s with the white hoodie on Chris?� � Jan
�He has more of an urban feel.� � Jason
�We are malaria free at Super G!� � Dave
�And he�s hot�and his voice reaches all the parts of your body.� � Jan, about Chris Daughtry
�Gnook.� � Dave, cue weird look from Jan
�It means�� � Dave
�I know what it means, I�m not an idiot.� � Jan
�You�re a Yidiot.� � Dave
�It�s a hatch! What is this? A wicker casket with tropical flowers and a bamboo handle?� � Dave and Jan
�I like songs with clapping � they�re festive!� � Jan
�I just like the clap.� � Dave
�Ever since I had it�� � Jan
�Had it? Who said anything about past tense?� � Dave
�Like a wise man once said�� � Dave, leaving it hanging
�Dot dot dot�� - Jan
�What a girl I got.� � Dave
�You�d have to explain the whole evening. After watching Golden Girls and listening to Elliot Yamin, the evening got gayer�� � Dave, describing an evening of ours
�Hey, do you think that if you shaved the top of his head, Nigel could be a live action Mr. Burns?� - Sara
�God wouldn't have given us maracas if he didn't want us to shake emmmmm.� - Sara
�I'm totally getting you something that says, "I'm on the Hot Tamale Train" - Jan
�People will think i'm having my period! "Oh sara's got PMS again." - Sara
�I HATE Cirque Du Soleil�and Soleil Moon Frye JUST BECAUSE SHE MAKES ME THINK OF IT! Punk THIS, Brewster!� � Sara
�Thank god she can't have an erection.� � Sara, about Mary on SYTYCD
"Yes, but have you slept on a battleship?" - Jan
"That's what girls say when they sleep with me. I'm more like a Destroyer. Or, like a submarine when I go down." - Phil
"So, I'm sorry, my IEP says I need repeated directions..." - Cindy
"My IEP says I need to beat her with a bat..." � Phil
�Do you feel like Mary Murphy could show up at any time as your flight attendant?� - Sara
�I'd probably do The Rock too, but only after watching Gridiron Gang. Well, he�d probably split me in half.� - Jan
�Who, Logan?� � Sara
�No, the Rock.� � Jan
�I'm like ***I*** have a bigger penis than Logan.� - Sara
Mthbx: connecticut...land of trees and loggers...i'd kill myself
Blondie: LOGGERS?!
Mthbx i don't know
Blondie: we're not the midwest
Mthbx: skiers?
Mthbx: womens bball fans?
Mthbx: lesbians?
�She'll all be like, "You held my hand, now I want to hold your <<insert russian word for penis here>>" � Sara, after Jessie was voted off of SYTYCD
�It�s a message from Lisa.� � Jason, looking at my cell
�What does it say?� � Jan
�I wanna sex you up, tic tock you don�t stop.� � Jason, seriously
�You know, when I watched the Reba CMT Giants special, I didn�t know who they were because I didn�t watch the show yet. They came out, and I was like, who are these fools?� � Jan
�And what is this witty banter?� � Jason
�Birds, toes, what�s next, appendicitis?� � Jan, about SYTYCD
�Yes, a B Boy�s spin on appendicitis.� � Jason
�It was up his alley.� � Jan, about the exotic meats Jason and Jeff got Mr. Hoffman for father�s day
�Yeah, his alley-gator!� � Sara
�Thank God you and Lauren turned out to be such great people. If you two had been hoes, I don�t know what I would have done.� � Dad
�Nothing says Christmas like an emaciated child with a fly on their face.� � Sara, about TV ads