�Jerry Maguire?!��Jan
�ANGELIC CHOIR!��Anne
�Sculler and Muldy.��Jan
�Please do not unpop your popping pants.��Anne
�Feminine odor problems or I�m getting ass�which one would I like to advertise?��Anne
�That was chaztacular!��Lisa
�Now some, you know, like, mole person is gonna have a gun.��Anne
�Howard Payne�not a primate!��Anne, doing loss of thumb hand motions.
�Well, you�re quite the little carnivore, aren�t you?��Anne
�I want you to turn the volume down.�
�I think I spilt a seam!�
�Eww, why is she bragging? She was like���Lisa
�Second-hand pussy?��Anne
�If you be patient, it will come.��Anne, on Hockey Hair boy
�What the hell is he making?��Jan
�A clusterfuck of snowmen?��Anne
�Is this like right now now, or like future now?��Jason
�Uh, Veris, could you move a little to the left? I�m trying to see my notes.��Jan
�That�s not me, I�m behind you.��Veris
�How�s my driving?! YOU DRIVE LIKE SHIT! I�ve seen shit move faster than you!��Dad
�I�m studying the brain too!��Jan
<SMACK, as Jan hits her elbow on the fridge>
�But you�re not using it���Heather
�Did you hear my stomach?��Heather
�That was your stomach?! I thought someone flushed a toilet!��Jan
ADtheGreat: you're not doing something i would approve of are you??? cause if you are i'm on the next blimp down
�Yo, my dad is iced out! He be bling-blingin�!��Jeff
ADtheGreat: Ahh yes, at least my vernacular is not craptacular
Blondie6133: True! It's spectacular
ADtheGreat: i refuse to be a part of a cheezy rhyme time afternoon special
LTrain581: she sees old balls like every day!
�This man obviously doesn�t know�shit from a shoe!��Jan
�F-U-star-K Duke?��Heidi
�I swear I saw a tear in Jason�s eye when he sang this song.��Dave, about �Outside�
�And the Masked Magician is��
�JESSE KATSOPOLOUS!��Rob
�Whaz behind da wall?��Liz
Zizzie81: i am soo thirsty...i have to go quench myself
Hunter5643: i'm on the rag, don't piss me off...we're leaving at 2!!!
"Dog stayed pile mucus."--My English professor's example of an unclear sentence.
�Richard Simmons ate my balls? What�s that?!��Heather
�They keep having, like, 8 finales�this is, like, the 4th one.��Amy
�You could open the door wearing a black teddy with an M on it.��Amanda
�M?!�--Jan
�You�re his Maryland Girl!��Amanda
�Student for Scary I.D.��Jan stupidly paranoid that the ticket seller at Ghetto Mall was going to ID her for Scary Movie 2
�I dunno�name a band you think he�d listen to.��Jan about Jason
�Simon and Garfunkel?��Abby
�If you like booby, I�m sure you�d get many a message.��Bobby
�Why do I keep saying that word? I don�t even like that word!�--Jan
�Yeah you do, you love it.��Bobby, about �pussy�
"I can't find my tweezers, so if I don't like him, at least my eyebrows will scare him away!"�Heather
"What are you doing at 4:15?"--Jan
"Why? You want me to come do you?"--Jeff
�It replenishes your electrolytes.��Liz, about Gatorade
�Put that as your start up sound�or perhaps your critical stop.��Bobby, about �SUCK ME, BEAUTIFUL�
�Cause, I don�t care about, you know, updating my kernel for Unix���Bobby, being a computer nerd
�WHO is the nerd that belongs to that phone?��Dr. Sparks
�You make it sound like a frickin� fairytale!��Dr. Sparks
�She looks like fuckin� Wolverine!��Dave Bunge about Dorothy
leafhobbes: you're a hoffmaniac!
"Wow, you are one WHITE biiii...!"--D6 Jason, censoring himself from calling me a bitch
�I gave birth to an irregular baby!��Jason
"Ok, I had a brainstorm..."--Me
"Oh my God! I hope you cleaned up after it!"-- Mom
�It�s not a �Jan eats Connecticut sandwich, Jason goes to Turkey� thing���Jason, confused
�Are you saying I bang like a girl?!��Scott
RimaIsSuccess: oh yeah... my mom wants to help the FBI... she literally will go if they ask her
Blondie6133: I sound like a man!
JasonUMCP: i'm sorry babe
JasonUMCP: want to sound like a man eating lunch? :-)
JasonUMCP: no try - only do or do not
JasonUMCP: (yoda)
JasonUMCP: :-)
HJA SKATE: oh yea, richard rubbing his own legs always makes for a pleasant dream
JasonUMCP: ah - i've never even seen the TA :-)
Blondie6133: ohhh�
JasonUMCP: he is an entity at the end of an email :-)
Blondie6133: I think you're leading the list this year!
JasonUMCP: yippee!!!!!!!!!!!
JasonUMCP: eat your heart out david bunge!
JasonUMCP: "us bunge's make you impotent" my ass!!!!!!!
Whodinky2: Speaking of, is Ashley married to 4 people yet?
�1-900-Tornado, how may we help you?��Jason
�You laugh like Betty Rubble!��Wong to Amy T
�You do!��Jan to Amy
�You laugh like my brakes!��Mark to Jan
�Nothin� says lovin like taking a shelf, cutting it into a heart, engraving it, and misspelling your name.��Julie
�Jim Carrey�s a few screws short of�I dunno���Jan
�A ship sailing across the Atlantic?��Lauren
�Frankly Scallop, I don�t give a clam.��Anne�s shirt
�Jenga!��Anne, upon removing a cookie from the pile
�See, your room is good, because you have more space, spatially���Niav
Hunter5643: you are the world, you are the future, you are the one who lalalala laaaa, so let's start la-in. There's a choice you're makin, you're saving your own ass, so la la la la la la and la la la la.
�See, that�s what happens when we play Duke�corn just mysteriously appears on the field!��Adam McClure
�She�s can�t fuckin� walk, but she can WOOOOOOOOOO!��Adam McClure
"Yeah, I ran into his crotch in the dining hall last year."--Abby about Mike Mardesich
"I mean, I would notice is someone ran into my crotch. I'd be like, 'While you're down there...'"--Abby
"They can kiss my magic carpet!"--Abby
"Okay, so four counts of that and then you go down..."--Abby
"You're not allowed to talk about Dr. Sparks and dangling!!!"--Abby
"Grinnon - the other white kid."--Me about the new kid on the bball team (like "Pork")
�Quick! Trip the little girl!��Jan, desperate for a pretzel
�I want a Superpretzel!��Jenn and Jan in unison
�Hey look! It�s Conan O�Brien coaching a basketball team!��Random shout from band
�Did he just say �We have a freshmen over here and we need to break his cornhole�?��Metallica Mike
�I�m gonna arrange a bunch of music for marching band, and they�re all gonna have an �UH!� in it somewhere.��Metallica Mike
�Seriously, Mote could call Dr. Sparks and say, �Rich, we�re opening a new portapotty and we�d like the band to be there,� he�d say yes. We�d play the Pregame Fanfare as he cut the ribbon, then he�d go in and 5 minutes later he�d come out while we played the Victory Song.��Metallica Mike
�HEY JAN, YOU ROCK! I�m gonna hug the hell outta you, and you, and you, and you�� - Liz
�I was like, NICKY!��Jan
�Nikki?��Liz
�Yeah, his name�s Nick.��Jan
�Oh, I thought HE was calling YOU Nikki. I was like, yeah, you�re not that close��--Liz
"Wilcox, where are your ball handling skills?" � Abby
"I trust Jan's mouth." - Abby
Whodinky2: I wish they made viking condoms.
Blondie6133: Lol
Blondie6133: Eric the Red Condoms: Tough as a viking
Whodinky2: I want to BE imdb.com
"Did that make the 'FL'?" - Dad, referring to the Funny list
"I drink 100 liters a day! And I'm...as healthy as a fucking cow!" � Laur
�I want to see you in my laundry bag.� � Abby
�They are magnificent.� � Jan about her breasts
�I love wood.� � Amanda
�Heh, we know.� � Amber
�Lick it!� � Abby
�While you�re looking, put it in your mouth, that way you can use both hands.� � Abby, about the lollypop
�It�s in her mouth! It�s in her mouth!�- Abby, about the lollypop
�Oh�oh�ohhhhhhhh!� � Jan and Jenn
�But it�s hard to type with one hand, Jan!� � Bobby
SweetOne24: What sn do you want it at? I have your Jan Wam Bam one in my address book.
MetalnGuns: so u trying to say sex is out?
"We should just, like, handcuff him to, like, a garbage truck or something." - Izzi on 'Wonder Doug'
"Men! Hold on to your balls!" - Abby on MD turnovers
"Keep your hands off my Dixon!" � Jan
"My womb hurts just talking about it!" - Abby, on having kids
"Wow, that guy kinda looks like Jason's mom." - What Izzi heard Jan say...
"Get me the shell outta here!" - Jan, about Testudo
"Teenage Turtles...that's what he likes." - Izzi, about Sparks
�I don�t know what�s between your legs�� � Jan
�Oh I do!� � Jeff
"Ya'll make it the hot joints, so yo' crib is the hot spot."
Translation: "If you play good music, your apartment will be the super cool place to hang out." - Sara
This just in:
"Irate Spinster Slays Sexy Singer" - Sara
"The Florida guys are hot." - Chrissy
"I disagree." � Adam
"I get to put Lil' Bow wow on my shoulders at half time so people can see him." � Jackie
"Can you get me some ketchup?" - Chrissy
"And a tissue..." � Jan
"It never really made it into my mouth. It just sat on my lips and then came out!" � Jan, about her soda
"We've tried him on two different lines, and we can't reach him." - Staff, about Sparks
"Did you try 666? He might answer." � Heather
Whodinky2: And I'm SURE there are TONS of heterosexual men prancing around the dance department.
Whodinky2: You should just make your profile say: SARA IS FUNNY.
Whodinky2: Man that sucks, I was born in the year of the rooster.
Whodinky2: There's something ironic about me being born in the year of the cock though.
Whodinky2: I put my cat in a kitty Santa hat every year, and he bites me.
�It�s like my preschool gym teacher. Everyday I would go home and ask my mom and dad if she was a man or a woman. Everyday! I could never remember!� � Liz
"I was just dancing with my finger." � Jenn
"I think he left." - Jan
"But he didn't sign our boobs!" - Jenn, about Byron
"Yo, Brett's startin' shit with that Rastafarian over there." � Jan
"I just wanna take her by her ponytail and swing her over my head!" � Jan
"He knows 3 words: dunk, sex, and NBA." - Gary, on Chris Wilcox.
�I�m quirky.� � Jan
�Wasn�t that the retarded kid on that show? No wait, that was CORKY.� � Abby
�Yo! That�s like dead people cold!� � Boy in my senior seminar about how cold my hands were
"That's right. Run motherfuckers. Let's see your men's team." - Brett to UNC's women's team
"Are you looking at my butt?" - Brett to the photographer
"No, but do you like anal?" - Photographer
"Aww! I want a basketball player. I'd shrink him down and put him in my pants." � Chrissy, meaning to say �pocket�
"Enough Eating Me!" � Jan, after Abby nibbled on her shoulder
"Look at that ref. Do you think he's gay?" - Jan
"Hmm...He could be European." - Abby
"Apparently, sucking it doesn't do it for him." � Jan, after shouting �SUCK IT!� while they shot free throws
�You know what Jesus, resurrect on another fuckin� day. I�m going on spring break!� � Liz
�He�s still alive in the hearts of children.� � Bobby, about Abe Lincoln
�Soda man, da-ymn!� � Abby, soda man had 3 full racks
�Why would you have no vacation? What kind of shit job is that?� � Rob
�The following few months are the �mystery months�.� � Rob
Whodinky2: (Dont' call me psycho of the morning, psycho)...
Whodinky2: <<bang, bang>> "Sara, not NOW!"
Whodinky2: "It was Judy I SWEAR!"
Whodinky2: cluck u pac
Whodinky2: have you ever seen the Estelle Getty Intimate Portrait??
Whodinky2: SOOOOOOOOOO good.
Whodinky2: "Green weddings are the death of me, barn living is real damn sketchy."
Whodinky2: I tried to figure out how to draw a pig on IM...
Whodinky2: not happening..
Whodinky2: who else wears hoop earrings, leggings, and daisy dukes??
Whodinky2: Well, ru paul, but that's different.
(In reference to George Michael)
Whodinky2: the BEST mullet walks past my apt every day
Whodinky2: i'm going to buy your kids mullet wigs and they'll be mullets for halloween.
Whodinky2: And Jason will tell us that they're whitesnake or something...
�Sleeping, while visions of hormonal asteroids dance through my head.� � Jason�s away message
�If I had a girlfriend, I�d be getting ass too.� � a very drunk Sara
Whodinky2: Yo, some people have the WORST handwriting
Whodinky2: like it's so bad that i'm wondering if they shoved a pen in their ear and let their ear write for them
�OHHH! It�s coming again!�.the cow that is�� � Jan
�If your name was Jennifer, I�d have been like, �What the fuck?�� � Abby
�Where are my pants?!� � Jan
�Goat cheese? My pants are made of denim!� � Jan
�Get the ball! Get the�<collapse>� � Abby
�I got something stuck in my hole!� � Jan, after getting a carrot lodged in her wisdom teeth hole
�I see a lot of balls going in.� � Jan, about the team warming up
�Oh to be his shirt tucked into his pants.� � Jan, about Byron Mouton
�Spaz Mary keep on spazzin�rollinrollinrollinrollin.� � Jan, imitating UNC�s Sparks-like version of Proud Mary
�It�s that damn woman-estrogen-talking-through-the-air thing.� � Jason
�It�s taken 3 years to learn that.� � Abby, about the 30-second dance
�If you combined Carlos and Testudo, I wouldn�t be able to keep my hands off him!� � Abby
�He�d be Carludo!� � Jan
�I just wanna take off my sock�and shove it in her mouth.� � Jan
�Make her choke on it.� � What Abby would have said if she could talk
�It�s a big piece of beef with a LOT of power between its legs!� � Jamie, about the cow
�If you like drunk, you�re beer!� � Jan
�You know what I wanna do? Make a person out of Legos.� � Jan
�I�m a white Russian!� � Jan
�Sometimes it�s hard to tell a knee from a beer.� � Jan
�Oh, you lived through birth. How was it?� � Jan
�I don�t feel drunk, but I know I am cause I can�t stop talking!� � Jan
�I got ass on her jeans!� � Jan
�Try my beer, see if you like it.� � Jason
�Not so much. All beer tastes the same to me.� � Sara
�Is a Bud a beer?� � Jan
�Can I lick it first?� � Jan, about the Blow Job shot
�Welcome to Jasonbuger, home of the Jasonburger!� � Jason
�Sucking all my juice!�car juice�� � Dave
�These two fingers have honey mustard on them from Cheryl.� � Dave
�That�s a lot of grooving!� � Jason, about having 3 copies of The Emperor�s New Groove
�Why don't you just back in?� � Steve Kemp
�But Steve, I can't even front in!!!� - Brett
Whodinky2: marky mark and the fucky bunch
Whodinky2: FUNKY
Whodinky2: FUNKY
�Did I ever tell you about the day I ate a full tin of Altoids?� � Brett
bmorrowum: i have this hulk hogan "kite" in my room that a few friends gave to me as a gift a few years ago, basically it's just like a plastic bag with hulk hogan on it
bmorrowum: the first time we came back after travelling to acc's i think it was, i was going to sleep and the heat kicked on, and it started blowing it, it started to rub against the wall, i woke up in terror because i thought there was someone in my room
bmorrowum: when i was in kindergarten we had to dress up like characters from our favorite books, so i dressed up as the man in the yellow hat from curious goerge
bmorrowum: which has nothing to do with anything, but i think it's funny
bmorrowum: clearly you're insane
bmorrowum: that's okay, i've probably seen every episode, used to watch it all the time back in the day, just because it was visually appealing, always stupid, but it looked like something that should have been funny
bmorrowum: kinda like the comics in the newspaper, i hate the family circus, but i still read it every time because it's in a circle, so it catches my eye, and i always ask myself why the hell i read it afterwards
bmorrowum: or the sunday ones where jeffy is running around everywhere, i follow him around everywhere, always expecting it to be funny or something, but it never is
�Let us in! We have porn and doughnuts!� � Random guy outside
�He�s a middle of the roader�middle of the roader Yoder�� � Brett, about Gene
MetalnGuns: so i mean maybe in some other world if you'd never had met my brother i'd a poked it to ya
�With or without hair?� � Sara, about Josh�s chicken strip meal
�How was your math test�
�GOOD! SO GOOD!�
�Did you get an A?�
�YES!� � Sara, having sex
�It�s like drinking sunshine, Jan.� � Dad about Orange Juice
�We can go to O.G.� � Dad, about Olive Garden
�It tastes like poison! I envision poison to taste like that.� � Dad, about Altoids
�I used to think they were saying, �Hey, fuck you buddy!��� � Brett, instead of Must be the money
"He went over to the girls room and said, "Make me a woman." Jason
"He thought that the big inflatable Heineken bottle was a big condom.� Jason
"What's the name of the Seamen we went to high school with?� Sara to Jan
KUCHI3: ya see......I bought this box fan at Stop and shop and had it running today and the thing, like,EXPLODED! The plastic blades all broke and went flying! scared the crap out of me!
Hunter5643: i'm just trying too hard to make the funny list
Blondie6133: you shouldn't try!
Blondie6133: let it flow naturally
Blondie6133: like pee
Blondie6133: if you try too hard, it doesn't come out
Hunter5643: like poop sometimes
Blondie6133: exactly!
Blondie6133: too hard, and you'll rupture your bumhole
Hunter5643: my funniness is constapated
Blondie6133: take a laugh-xitive
Hunter5643: peptolaughall
Blondie6133: metalaughcil
Hunter5643: illaughium ad
Whodinky2: I don't eat veal, but I'd eat you!
�PMI? What the hell is that? Personal Masturbation Instrument?� � Jeff
�Dude, I�d do half the women on this show!�for money�� � Sara, on Ally McBeal
�She�s a little too�manulin? What�s the word?� � Sara
�MASCULINE?!�- Jan
�Yeah that�s it�� � Sara
"You're not a good friend if you can't spell it!" � Kirsten
"Mom! I brought the foil home to recycle after my friends and I used them as water balloons!" � Kirsten
"Can I have one of each so I could put them on my wall and have friends to say goodnight to before I go to bed?" � Kirsten
"I was ready to stick my ass out just so she'd have something to smack!" - Kirsten, about me dancing at Bentley�s
"My fear is of Appendicitis."-Me
"My fear is of aliens invading the Earth." � Kirsten
�Is this what English majors do for fun? �Ahahaha! I mispronounced a word!�� � Liz Kenny
�No, Liz has booby, no booby for Bobby�well, Bobby�s with Liz, so I guess Bobby IS with booby.� � Liz Kenny
�We�re all set�like a perm.� � Liz K
�That�s my contribution to the Daily Giggle.� � Liz K
�What the HELL is a pap smear?!� � Aaron
�Invaliens� � Jan�s new word
�Oh my God, I think I just gave birth to a turtle!� � Sara
LTrain581: i will definately beat the crap out of the shuttlecock with my battledoor
"Janny is life...the rest is just details..." - my Jason
"Hallelujah! I am a fucking genius!" - Jason, after figuring out his program
"Your package is bigger than mine, and I'm jealous!" - Kirsten to Leteef
"These birds are like, having canaries!" � Mom
"Mom!" - me
"Well, can't you hear them?!" - mom
*silence*
"Where are yooooooou?" - mom
"Are you talking to the birds?!" - me
"Yes." - mom
beepsNrays: did you kick it while rolling around on the ground laughing drunkily??
"He has mind-blowing orgasms. Women are a crockpot, they go on forever." - Jason, about his transgender guest speaker for his sex class
�There are certain things you don�t want to talk about at the gynocologist. Like, �what do your parents do for a living?� while someone�s FACE IS IN YOUR VAGINA!� � Sara
"Yeah, I wanna know where my fucking quotes are for the fucking funny book!" - Lauren
Kirsten426: you've been done and done
Kirsten426: wait....
Kirsten426: that doesnt sound right
�When�s graduation?� - Nik
�Next Thursday.� - Jan
�Ahh�*starts singing Hail to the Chief*� - Nik
�That�s the president�s song!� - Jan