� Kimmy20742: we should have known something was up on the first day when he stated that he was spending the night in his car
� Hunter5643: you'll walk in there all bootyed up and they'll be like. A+!
� MetalnGuns: i got bigger boobs than you!!!!!
� lakochano: URINATION!!!
� "I try to walk away but I stumble..."--Andressa's impression of a very HIGH Macy Gray
� "What'd they call you? Platypus?" �Dave
� "Dunkin' Doughnuts is the fuckin' mayor of Virginia...if that state had a mayor."�Ho
� �Why is everybody in here stoned except for me?�Except that you guys aren't... and I am.�--Ho
� "What parades does to old men..."�Liz
� "What are you doing?"--Jason
"Raising the roof!"--Liz
"With your pelvis?"�Jason
� MetalnGuns: whats my name?
Blondie6133: Jeff
MetalnGuns: its little hoff hoff to you
� "My pretzel won't die!"--Jan
"What a bastard."�Carrie
� "If I catch a Leprechaun, I'll bring it back for you."�Nik
� Hunter5643: nad heading to sleep soon.
Blondie6133: NAD? What's that about man?
Hunter5643: you know, the nads are tired
� MetalnGuns: depends on what it was, like if you told me about a time you blew him in a public restroom while the toilet wouldnt stop running, no i wouldnt like that
� MetalnGuns: operation make jan giddy and happy is now in effect
� �Would you wear a thong if it was called Slim Underwear?��Veris
� �All you have to do is hang around Jan to become impure.��Liz
� �I went to the Barbara. BARBER, I should say�Barbara is a woman�s name.��Adam
� �For me it�s like a Band-aid�ONE RIP and it�s off!��Adam about his finals schedule
� �Deep fry your finger and give it to me!��Dave Bunge
� �PICK A CHICKEN!��Dave Bunge
� �She soiled me.��Dave Baran about Jan
� �Come on Veris, you got a right hand, you know what it feels like.��Jan
� �Are you really a shark in dolphin�s clothing?��Jason
� �Is there something funny about my blowing, Jan?��Veris
� �I mean, two animated lions had more going on than I did.��Dave Baran
� �I�ll show you what mass times acceleration is.��Veris to Jan
� �The guy that made the wall?��Jeff Hoffman about Irving Berlin
� �Thank God It�s Friday, my ass!��Dave Bunge
� �Is it half-soup, half-maaaaan?��Liz, on Jan wanting to marry her soup
� �Does anyone see anything sexual in the river?�
�Well, it�s wet���Overheard in Jan�s Lit class
� �Mom, can I have another Manwich?�
�Sure�IF YOU WANNA DIE!��Dave Bunge
� �This is a non-tampon room.��Liz
�THIS IS A NON-TAMPON PERSON!��Veris
� �What is in my shoe?��Liz
�Your foot?��Jan
�Is it my nail??��Liz
� �You are snug as bug in rug.��Jason
� �You�re the bestest brothers girlfriend I�ve ever known and I�ve never had the privilege of sleeping with.��Jeff Hoffman
� �It�s a cross between pissing me off and getting me horny.��Mike, on Jan�s massage skills
� �I am a Hoffman�I need to eat!��Jason
� �They had sex for Christmas! Happy birthday, Jesus!��Liz, on her conception
� �I was like, Tyreese is giving me a massage?��Mike, on Jan�s masculine voice
� �The Hoffman�s just kick ass�all of them.��Jan
� �They are NOT gay, they were on a raft. Sure, they spent the day naked, but that means NOTHING.��Jan, on Huckleberry Finn
� �Oh, CLASSICAL! I was looking for COSMICAL!��Liz
� MetalnGuns: good day
Auto response from Blondie6133: I�m just not here�it kills you to not know exactly where I am, doesn�t it?
MetalnGuns: ur lying on ur bed dreaming of me
MetalnGuns: currently ur fantasizing over me cuz ur boyfriend went to a concert and you like the younger hoff better ne ways
� �Flutists do it with their lips.��Jan
� �That�s when all their souls are being sucked out so Battier can have them.��Pranav
� �Yeah, we roughed your mom up too, bitch!��Jon, about Carlos Boozer
� �Why you always gotta be startin� shit?��Dave to Liz
� �EAT SHIT, COCKSUCKER!��Dave Will
� �I see what you guys are laughing at and it�s just the way the pants ARE!��Mitch
� �This is going to be a gross question, but how do you spell �pubes�?�--Liz
� �You�re a two faced Goddess�BITCH!��Liz on the god Janus
� �It�s Liz' 'I have a bee in my shirt' dance!�--Jan
� �I don�t want to touch them, or lick them, I just want to see them.��Dave on breasts at the Mardi Gras party
� Whodinky2: I figured out why you hate him so much; mullet aside.
Blondie6133: Why's that?
Whodinky2: A CRANE is a bird, and you have all those bird issues.
Blondie6133: AND
Blondie6133: a mullet is a fish
Blondie6133: so, there you go
Blondie6133: I have nothing against the Native Americans who made his jewelry though
� �Look, it goes back and forth�like a penis!��Liz about Jan�s microphone
� "I'm fungry."
"Haha! Fuckin' hungry!"
"IS THAT WHAT THAT MEANS?!"
"Yeah, like fugly..."
"I just thought it was ugly with another letter!"
--Nick and Andressa
� �Okay, how about this�mirrored sidewalks.��Ho
� �It�s in Tiger the Pyramid.��Jason
� �He�s our bitch.��Brett about our bus driver
� �Dickout? What?��Brett
� �Help me Rhonda, help, help me Rhonda.��Wong
� �From asshole to president.��Wong
�That seems to be the way our country�s run.��Jan
� �Jeffrey Rembrandt Chandler Wong�that�s a mouthful�and so are you.��Jan
� �Those pool whores.��Brett
� �It�s about my first time.��Fitz
�I don�t wanna hear that���Brett
�Brett�s mom���Jason
� �I want an 8! I�ve got a GREAT drug story!��Brett
� �Stuttering Sean eats one���Fitz, about �special brownie�
�Did he stop stuttering?��Brett
� �HOLY CINNABON!��Brett
� �Ooh, the new Attach�! I have a subscription, you know.��Brett
� �How is she talking with out moving her lips?��TJ about flight attendant
� �You�d think we strapped Dion�s mom to the bottom of the plane.��Kevin
� �Balls aren�t supposed to be in your stomach.��Brett
� �Apostrophe Z, man, CAN�T YOU READ??��Brett
� �It�s like, orgasm in a bowl.��Jan about dessert at Ruby�s
�I hope not.��Brett, seriously.
� �She must be great in bed.��Brett about Jan
� �Take this McNugget, my lady���Wong
�Off my McHands���Jason
� �Mayor McWong.��Jason
� �Little Hooker���Brett about AS
� �I always have to have something in my mouth.��Jan
�Crawl under the table, I�ll give you something to put in your mouth.��Brett
� �The bus driver�s probably whacking off�he�ll be like, uh, you said nine o�clock���Brett
� �Mayor Jeffrey Rembrandt Chandler Mc Wongy-Poo.��Jan
� �What�s that song about the Gulf War?��Jan
�Santa won�t you bring my daddy home for Christmas?��Jason
� �Why is my boob deformed?!��Liz
� �Ma�am, are you aware that he�s not breathing?��This is funny because I found it in a file I had saved and I can NOT remember where it is from!
� �Gotta get all bootied up to go to the dining hall.��Dave
� �Manwich is ass on a bun.��Dave
� �That�s what you get for messing with us Bunges. We make you impotent.��Dave
� AnnetheGreat2525: what new in dixie?
� lakochano: I was like, who the fuck IS this fucking freak-ass
� �Do it in the morning�do it in the evening��--Liz
�Do it at supper time�when��..pizza�s on a bagel��--Jan
�You can have sex anytime!��Liz
� DScottB523: Picture it, Sicily, 1907, there was this girl named Jan Tortelini and she was embarassed to fart.
� DScottB523: there was a spaghetti eating contest and she had gas pains
� Blondie6133: Please stop there before you get more graphic
� DScottB523: finally she just erupted in gasious explosions and people were injured by speeding noodles!
� DScottB523: haha, and they called her Tootanoodle!
� "Hi my name is Duke...Fuck me."--Jan's guranteed pick up line
� "Dave's turning into a one man wrecking crew...he's showing Route 1 who's boss."--Jackie on Dave's attempt to bust up Rt. 1
� "Look at that ask."--Jackie's blunder
� "I thought you were sobo!"--Jason, aiming to say SOBER, but failing.
� "HONK!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"--Dave, scaring the shit out of Jackie as fire engines screech past.
� "I'll be working at Microsoft soon."--Hard Core LOSER who hit on Sara.
� "FUCK DUKE! IT'S ALL DUKE'S FAULT! I HATE THIS JACKET BECAUSE IT'S BLUE!"--Random drunk bastard
� "Donde esta los boobies?"�Dave
� �I�m trying to be Frank Durst.��Nik
�You mean FRED Durst?��Jan
� �I am a ghost. I can be in 5, not 4, not 6, places at one time. Right now, I am here making you feel better and giggle and at the same time, I�m up on the 7th floor, flirting with a girl trying to get in her pants.��Nik
� �Well HOT-DOG!��Liz
� �If you were perfectly happy, you wouldn�t be buying porn!��Random girl
� �Liz, you�ll get your up and comings.��Veris
� �Look how nifty that is!��Liz, about her travel Brita
�You could make a bong out of that���Jack
� �So if I said, I like your slippers���Liz
�It means you want to have sex with me right now.��Jack
�What?��Liz
�Well, you like my slippers, when do you wear slippers? When you get out of bed. Why do you get out of bed? Cause you just had sex��--Jack
� �See that�s not perverted is it? Ten easy thrusts���Jack
� �I mean, if you like to have sex with dogs, that�s cool�I�m just not down with that.��Jack to Liz
� �But I bet I could describe something to you, and you�d get hard.��Jan
�Psht, you could just stand there.��Jack
� �Sometimes you get tangled up in there.��Jack, on briefs
� �Wait, what�s the P-word�oh, pussh锗Jack, on �pussy�
� �Why do people always compare me to dying cats?��Liz, pathetically
� Whodinky2: AND
Whodinky2: Mike Dunleavy was played by...
Whodinky2: A MASTURBATING BEAR.
� An actual conversation that occurred at 12:45 4/5/01:
<Riiiiiiing>
Jan, asleep, leaps from her bed. (And almost kills herself in the process...)
"Hello?"
"Jan?"
"Yeah?"
"HIIII! Did I wake you?"
"Yeah."
"I'M SORRY!...Jaaaaaaaaan, they won't tell me what fellatio means!"
"It's oral sex on a man, Rima."
"Okay, thank you! Go back to sleep!"
"Okay."
"Bye!"
� "Half hour, eh?"--Veris
"Yup."--Jan
"And Golden Girls comes on when?"--Veris
"Three minutes."--Jan
"I see..........wanna have some sex?"�Veris
� �Well, I have a porn name, if you�d like to hear it.��Veris
�What is it?��Jan
�Dick Mountain Joy.��Veris
� �So, she was �WITH CHILD� when we saw her last!��Lisa about Rhonda
� �I wrote down these qunny fotes���Jan
� �Keep cracking that book�and the computer, and lots of stuff�I dunno���Jason
� �Are you number one G.I.?��Jason
� �Mr. Chunky.��Dad�s version of Mr. Hanky
� �Hey! Was up�College Park���Lauren, changing in front of the window.
� �I�m rubbing the urine of a Siberian tiger on my lips.��Lauren
� �I wanna be a swingin� granny!�
� �The party�s already started!��Lauren, rapidly flickering the dome light
� �Ambiturousis.��Jan
� �Ahh, the blower�s cramp.��Tim
� �Paraplegics in Paris!��Lauren
� �He�s what they call a �heart throb�.��Jan
�A bow hunk.��Lauren
� �What movie is this from?��Lauren
�Cruel Intentions.��Jan
�Grueling Countries??�--Lauren
� �The mail gets got.��Jason
� "You know what they say in 10 Things I Hate About You about black underwear...you don't wear it unless you wanna get fucked! Of course, they didn't put it so eloquently..."�Nik
� Blondie6133: I'm going to shoot my printer
LTrain581: that's not good....you can borrow a gun from Jason Hoffman of San Diego
� Blondie6133: The only woman who should wear grass is Mother Earth
� "Colin Quinn couldn't impersonate his own ass."--Dave
� "If that guy was really at a party, people would hit him!"--Rob about the mysimon.com guy
� Blondie6133: Unless you really try, the odds of you being on Fox's "When Highway's Attack" is very slim
� LTrain581: I would try to trap the stink in an envelope and send it to you, but I don't think that would work
� DScottB523: i'll pee on him like a dog
� "You 'HA' to no one!"--Liz
� "Why don't we throw a fuckin' chair through the window and call it a night?"--Ho
� "No, I said, let's get...Harry's...blister..."--Ho, covering up "Gary's sister"
� DScottB523: school, sports, food, water, homework, bathroom, hygiene, family, church, ear wax, jan, room mates, friends, ass scratching, and poking his eyes out
� Acrospatic: maybe she got a lot of booty in high school and misses it
� Acrospatic: u know whats been in her pants?
� "He was like, eating a manatee..."--Veris, about the new football coach
� �I know! I just felt one crawl out from under your couch and up my leg. Thank God it�s not real.��Lisa, about 20� python
� �Jenny, Jerry Maguire is a fictional character. He cannot write or direct anything.��Anne
� �Excuse me, Lisa, you�re going to need to reupholster this chair.��Anne
� �I�m so lonely��
�Sir, that�s because you�re ugly.��Anne
� �Thank you, Italian to English translator!��Jan
�You�re quite welcome, snide commenting bitch!��Anne
� �So, are we all still virgins?��Jan
�Last time I checked.��Anne
�You CHECK? Don�t you need a flashlight and a mirror to do that?��Jan
� �Of course, she�s not really a girlfriend. She�s a���Jan
�Shebeast?��Anne
� �I thought she had a note pad in her thing!��Lisa
� �It�s all in the legs!��Tom
� Anne and her lawn jockey
� �I am NOT reaching into your lap for cheddar-fetti!��Anne
� �I don�t see how a large, black rapper could turn into Drew Barrymore.��Anne
� <BELCH!>
�Woo�that cleaned something out.��Anne
� �A group that has neither a garden nor a savage���Anne�s problem with Savage Garden
� �I need a cleanup, aisle 4. Some incontinent bitch pissed her pants.��Anne
� �Lookin� like Rockefeller Center!��Amanda about Sony
� �Yeah, Gillian!��Lauren
� �There�s Bill�He�s got a suitcase in his hand.��Mom
�And a footprint on his ass.��Lauren
� �Football is kinda like, �Just kill me.� I mean, I think of Icyhot and tape and tight butts. They should have an advertisement that says, �Want kidney failure? Play football!���Liz
� �My nipples get hard just looking at it.��Sara
� �True story.��Jan
�Of 7 strangers�picked to live in a diamond�and have their lives appraised.��Sara
� �It�s always stank in here.��Jan
�That�s ok, it�s about to get worse.��Sara
� DScottB523: I would feel like Blanche being turned down for sex, if I didn't win. I don't know what i would do!
� DScottB523: treeboy just uprooted back to the apartment
� Jackie70981: must....bring....funny....tally......up.......cannot...let....bun...ge....beat......me
� JWong037: when you look up ass in the dict...they'd tell you to read my paper
� JWong037: girl, you're so crazy i just wanna have your baby
JWong037: don't know how that'll work but you're a smart girl. you'll figure somthing out
� Whodinky2: Btw, something you said earlier was really funny and I was eating rice pudding and drinking a Wild Cherry Pepsi, and it came through my nose, but I got it back in.
� �Cortney�s a hick.��Jan
� �Did you just say �Haven�t never�?��Jan
�Yeah�it kinda defeated the purpose of me trying to prove that I�m not a hick���Liz
� DScottB523: oh I sure do hope that I'm winning the funny contest, cause if I'm not, I'm going to run around with a thong on my head screaming obsenities about Jason, the tree/computer boy, who laughs at midgets with 3 nipples!
DScottB523: then I'm going to make you snarf wine coolers out your nose just by saying the word "fuck."
DScottB523: and then Rob will start singing "Oh Happy Day" while doing the running man along side me. It will be a "BIG FUN TIME!"
� �Hazme! Hazme!��Jan
�What is that, anal?��Dave
� �Yo quiero Esteban�as my name���Dave
� �What is she, half fish/half dog?!��Dave
� �Call me Dandelion, cause I�m planted!��Dave
� �GIVE ME A POINT!��Dave
� �Testitos!��Dave
� �Mmm�cahones���Dave
� DScottB523: I'm winning, I'm winning, the drunk man is spinning, bumped his head and now he's dead...don't drink.
� �With a porno, I can just go, click click click. With a girl I have to be like, �How are you? What are you feeling? I have an interest in what you do. Can I get you some�roofies?��Jack
� �See, the hand�it becomes the vagina.�--Jack
� �The vagina doesn�t have teeth�neither should the mouth.��Jack
� �What if the vagina evolved teeth?��Liz
�There�d be a lot more anal sex���Jack
� Blondie6133: man I have such a chocolate craving
DScottB523: uh oh! but you just had cramps two weeks ago!
� �I can make all sorts of amusing sounds.��Scott
� �Guys aren�t fans of sitting Indian style�I think it must cut off circulation to their�brain���Jan
� Hunter5643: i'll scratch you open and bake you in the oven!
Hunter5643: ok eww
Hunter5643: that didn't sound right at all
Hunter5643: it sounded funny at first, but now looks kinda bad
� �I made it from scratch�yeah, I scratched the bag open!�--Dave
� �Dude, you have so many friends from home! I have, like, 5, and you have, like, thirty�NINE. Seriously, I go home and see, like, 2 people, you go home and see CHINA.��Liz
� AnnetheGreat2525: meee no likey splling bzzz
� �She�s the Notorious K.A.T.��Liz
� �My whole body�s sore.��Jan
�That�s cause I ROCKED YOU last night!��Liz
� DScottB523: hey! Dick backwards is kcid! :-)
DScottB523: or cock is kcoc...almost one of those words like madam. :-)
� �Bre�s under the desk.��Alex
� �I�m not going down on you, Dave.��Scott
� �I�m wet too, Jan.��Alex, after Omar�s pelvic dance
� DScottB523: well happy boning to you!
� �He�s like, whiter than toilet paper!��Liz