Issue Two, August 2002

Welcome to NUFF-NUFF CENTRAL

And this issue our conductor is... Ally McBeal

Not the actor, Calista Flockhart. The character, Ally McBeal. Once again, another easy target, but one also worthy of being singled out for attention. The narcassistic, man-loving, flighty, brain-dead feminist icon created by David E. Kelley. And apparently one stemming from his love for wife Michelle Pfeiffer. What a beautiful valentine that is.
Here is your typical Ally McBeal day. Have some dream about having sex. Wake up and talk to your friends about having sex. Go to work and fantasize about having sex. While doing so scream out something inappropriate and not realise you have done so until everyone looks at you with contempt and wonders if you are having too much sex/not enough sex. Do something really stupid like fall down a toilet/see a unicorn in the lawfirm office/kiss an underage boy/have sex in a carwash/punch out a midget. Do it all while having a masquerade of charm so everyone goes "Oooh, Ally.". Talk about sex some more. Go to the bar after work and watch the vapid Vonda Shepard murder some once-good tune about having sex. Walk the streets alone thinking about sex/have sex. Go to bed and start all over again.
Whew! With all that, one must really wonder - with all that sex on the brain, is Ally really a man? Or the creation of a man who wants to believe that all women are sex-mad virgin whores out to snare them in their traps?
Like a car accident I know I should stop watching, yet I can't. I must watch the misadventures of this charmless yet intriguing scatterbrain who pollutes the airwaves year after year when we really should be getting another year of SeaChange. Somebody help me! Get me a ticket on the Nuff-Nuff Express!

(catboy musings have just become aware that Ally's ticket on the Nuff-Nuff Express has become invalid. Yes, dear readers, Ally McBeal is no more. Some may cheer at the news, but really, was this show any worse than other crap like Seventh Heaven and Home and Away that continues year after year? I do feel a sense of sadness that Ally McBeal will now have to stop thinking about sex. The Nuff-Nuff Express' horn sounds forlornly as it passes in the night.)