Issue Three, October 2002
The internet is full of such rants and blatherings such as the ones I put forth in each issue of catboy musings. And some of you may also realise that McDonald's Family Restaurants already have quite a few websites dedicated to the fact that they are evil.
Such a statement is a known fact to many of us. For those of us who have watched their litter choke our planet, deduced how many animals they have slaughtered to stuff down the overfed gullets of a decadent and selfish Western culture, observed how they have swallowed up the youths of our nation in their workforce and exploited them until they spit them out at the age of eighteen when they would have had to give them a decent wage by law, and how they have taken advantage of third world nations by taking their grain to feed the beef they sell and selling off hectares of their natural resources for their non-biodegradable packaging. All this is at odds with the public face of McDonalds, a projected fairytale land where a garish clown named Ronald takes children away and forces them to do his bidding.
This is probably where John Wayne Gacy got his ideas.
Ronald tells his wards lies. He promises them his food is healthy and fun, that burgers grow in fields and are not in reality decomposing lumps of flesh that once were living creatures. He prints advertisements that state how McDonalds give their workers an education in real life. Nowhere in the fine print does it say: "Hey kids! Want to be exploited by long hours and little pay and degradation at the hands of your fellow man?" Oh, hang on... maybe that is the one truth McDonalds tell!
As a vegetarian my motives for hating McDonalds must seem pretty straight forward. After all, they have been responsible for the deaths of million of animals, and presumably will be the perpetrators of millions more in the years to come. But McDonalds just doesn't stop there. Their secret goal is world domination. And even that isn't that secret anymore. Their latest advertisements seek to take customers away from the reputable local pizzerias, curry houses, cafes by trying to lure in new suspects with their "world menu". You see, McDonalds got smart to the fact that there was a demographic out there that normally didn't eat at their fine establishments. Apparently there was a whole new world of people who tried new foods and broadened their palates. So McDonalds decided, you want foccaccia? Come and eat our bland imitation of foccaccia! So Mom and Pop Fabrizzi who need to make their kids happy because they have been brainwashed by the overabundance of Ronald on their tv screens ("hi kids? september 11 was horrible, wasn't it? are you sad and scared? only a happy meal can make you feel better!") start avoiding their local haunts and take their brats to the local Mc to shut them up. You think I am being a tad melodramatic? Then remember this is the same organisation that tries to promote kids sports by only linking them with the fact that kids should eat at McDonalds after training. So, kids get healthy by running around in the fresh air, then follow that up by eating a burger that contains 22 grams of fat, thus negating all the good that they have done.
But this is a long winded digression in my argument, which is world domination. Granted, McDonalds haven't had a longterm vegetarian burger on their menum so they are avoiding an untapped market there... but it is only because they know that the vegetarians of the world will probably avoid their vegieburger for moral reasons pure and simple. There is no profit to be had in principles. But I was watching the news the other night and there was a strange little "kitten rescued by the fire department" story - you know the ones that are meant to remind us that the world is a wonderful place after having watched a half hour of death and destruction - this one focused on how McDonalds had now become helal. For those of you not up on the variances of world dietary habits, helal diets are those that follow the maxim that among other things, meat must not be cooked with dairy, and served on seperate plates. Although it can be viewed positively that McDonalds are reaching out towards a previously unservable group of people, I found the pictures of Muslims in full headgear chewing down on quarter pounders a tad disturbing. I am not pandering to the stereotype that Muslims must eat kebabs and felafel, washed down by lassi - but, come on! Do McDonalds really think they have fooled us that they had the Muslim interests at heart? Do McDonalds really think that they are helping bring about world peace now that we can all eat at the same plastic moulded, muzak-piping restaurant? Or is it just another part of their insidious plot to take over the world one culture at a time?
Forget Iraq - George Bush and his cronies should be targeting the local McDonald's Family Restaurant.