Issue One, March 2002
a catboy musings feature
article
2000 will be a football
season I will always remember. and only because it was one i actively
took an interest and participated in. You see, i succumbed to
the great Aussie tradition of footy tipping. I have resisted for
a great many years, the only member of my family who went "Footy
? Pleurbhhhhh !". But having moved to Melbourne awakened
a desire to experience more moments of bonding with them - even
from three states away. This would be one thing we would all take
part in, and share together. So, basically, I felt left out and
decided to be not so goddamn snobby and elitist about thrilling
to the sound of a football as it's being kicked and the roar of
the crowd as they watch it fly.
Having been an ex-arts student who delighted more in the readings
of Austen, the films of Lynch, and any pop-culture phenomenon
it may have been a surprising path to take. But of course I did
it in my own indomitable, and charmingly eccentric style. An animal
nut, i couldn't choose my football tipping any old way. So while
my family pored over team statistics, injuries, the state of the
pitch, I was left with "Who's playing this weekend ? West
Coast and Brisbane ? They're the Eagles and the Lions, right ?
Well, i like lions better than eagles so I guess I'll go for Brisbane."
This foolproof plan of attack actually worked for quite a few
weeks, leaving my more seasoned family members scratching their
heads as I remained in the top three of the ladder due to what
I'm sure they thought was the most ludicrous way of choosing a
winning side. "Port Melbourne versus Essendon ? Well, I like
boats better than planes, Port Melbourne for me thanks !".
My family must have felt justified when after a few glorious weeks
of sitting high above everybody else on the footy tipping ladder,
my grip became a precarious one. I started wondering about who
won the week before, were they playing on their home turf and
who had been becoming too cocky ? That's right, instead of going
with my instinct, I started playing to win. And fell from the
ladder horribly. When i realised what I had done, it was too late.
Reverting back to my normal theories of elimination, it was the
end of the season and i was in seventh place.
So much for catboy victorious. But there's always next year...
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Catboy's Footy Tipping
Tips:
1. Always go
for the animal team.
2. If there are two animal teams playing against each other, pick
the animal you like better.
3. If it is two non-animal teams, pick the one that is least offensive
or threatening (e.g. dockworkers are more unionised than flight
attendants, so go for the Bombers unless you like wearing concrete
shoes).
4. Always, always, always go for Geelong. Cats are the
best animals in the world, and any team that would let one of
their players change their name to Whiskas is okay in my book.
5. Don't take people who take the game seriously too seriously.
That's catboy logic.
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