The moon was behind the dark
clouds and the air was perfectly still, He was standing on the tawny land,
looking at the fading stars, they were glimmering as always. He was wet, almost
drenched, with the water drops dripping: he
looked back at the tumultuous ocean, from which he sprung a few moments ago, so
full of throbbing life, “ I am out of the greater life ” he thought.
He took small steps and
walked on the cold sand, his
feet shushing in the sand, still he managed to tread on “ but where I am going
“he said to himself”. He looked at the vast desert, sprawled from him to
unknown. He gazed and gazed, to find some end of the desert, but there was no
end. He turned left, then right, and then in every possible direction to find
some way out; “perhaps I am the first one to come here or the last one to
arrive” He mumbled, “May be I
am tricked ”. He looked
bewildered.“ Where am I? What place is this? I have never known it before, nor
I have any knowledge of it. Every thing looks so queer; I have never seen things
like these before. Do I need to know every thing I see? But why do I need to
know! I never wished to come here. I am forced to this existence”.
The curtain of darkness
became more darker; and the night was cold, he felt the coldness of desert,
tearing his ribs, a deep wave
of chill traveled inside his body, he felt himself energized. He glanced back to
see how far he had come, he was perplexed - he found himself where he was, not
an inch difference. Then he noticed some thing, which kept moving when he moved;
“What is it that walks besides me” he questioned himself .It was long and
slanted and darker , hardly visible ,yet resembled him , he waved his hand in
the air , it also trembled . This is some one like me imitating me” his heart
filled with happiness, “At last I have found some one to
answer my questions ” Who
are you?” He asked curiously, but
no reply, he asked again and again and again: then he screamed, still no one
answered. He looked again, “perhaps…. its my shadow But it is not like me;
though it partly look like me, yet it is not my whole self. It is neither
concrete nor full of flesh and blood, nor it breathes like me. Still I can’t
deny; I can see, but I can’t touch it, how fragile yet unattainable existence.
The creature whose sole existence is based upon me, who comes out and merges in
me; still I can’t rule it, I only know, it look like
me: yet :it is the
refection of me not real me; like life – the true
reflection of pitiless death. But why call death pitiless, when no one
has experienced it before , nor has any one come back to tell, how it feels,
pain or pleasure or just nothing; perhaps….
all our assumptions about death are wrong .May be beyond death lies some
thing…like….” He wanted to say but forgot what to utter.
The chill was increasing,
he kept on his tired body in constant pace towards the woods .He reached nearer
and nearer and heard some voices, he heard it more clearly as he moved on,
through the woods, between the tall trees and darkness, the shouts and cries
were growing. There before his eyes, he saw some men like him , sitting in a
circle along the
blazing fire; amid them was a
figure , but it was not like
them , dancing at the rolling beat
and they were grunting like beasts.
Their screams and cries were mounting up, but she was dumb, only kept herself
constant in motion, moving round and round with the rising beat. They were
violent, fierce, exploding with passions, but she was whirling on the beat, on
the rhythm with the same fervour , unyielding
unceasing , persistent on destruction , escalating
their madness , swelling up
their fury and anger , and breaking it bit
by bit , for they were so helpless in her hands.
And then he heard them
growling together
“We want to know, for knowing
is believing; yet we don’t know, if we really know, for knowing and unknowing
is only perception of mind. And our belief at this time is uncertain, we cannot
discern, we can only feel , the feeling of flesh in the air and the mad rhythm
enraging us ,arousing us , inducing us , elevating us .This
waltz carries a strange magic
, which draws us towards you. We
understand what you want, what you desire to convey…the power of the motion,
which has set every thing in motion eons ago … and there
along the wild beat, your frenzy infatuation with the unrestrained dance
, maddening throng upon throngs
, seething their blood like some
volcanic eruption .
You intoxicated
with your centuries old fatal charm
, every step calculated , designed
to captivate the minds of boisterous men , for you know what the power of
expression means : and we who are the conquerors of the kingdoms and empires lie
at your feet , begging your slight attention .O can you feel us ….!
We are thirsty , our tongues are
cracked , we can hardly breath , shower your
bounties upon our withered
spirits .We need to feel it , every inch of it ,yes we need all of it. Man’s
heart is the ultimate dome of
imagination and woman’s body is
the ultimate expression . There is no language nor any language
do we need ..solely expression , expression
- & the
father of knowledge : yet all
human expression is
only a segment of all known knowledge
. What about the unknown , the inexpressible , the unutterable , which is
so desired but can’t be
uttered nor gained ;the powerful knowledge of angels and God. We desire it .we
desire it…but you can’t feel it : for in
your heart you
never felt the uproar for
the things unknown , the mystery of the inner self with all its invading
darkness ,crumbling the soul
of the man ,raising his thirst and
he feels himself torn between heaven and earth ; yet each pinch of
pain raises his upward
flight , the journey towards
unknown destination , towards the world
of overwhelming ecstasy and
absolute bliss , which is far less
than real, yet he aches himself
,for he can bear the pleasure of
pain and you yield to it. . You
only feel delight in our
eyes ,and we feel satisfaction in the idea of delight” .
Her eyes were closed , her teeth clenched , she was mad and was maddening the crowd , moving with a stupendous energy . And they were growling , groaning , roaring like wild beasts ;their breaths broken only obsessed with her boundless frenziness .And then she seemed to fall on the ground , her steps , her movements seemed breaking , her spinning dwindling , she was shivering like withered leave , about to dash to the ground. Their excitement was increasing “ No we don’t want you to stop , you will have to dance ,you will have to move , we are out of ourselves .We need more of it ;for there is no true knowledge than instinct itself, all else is illusion . Then reckon us with your charm, move move move. We want to feel every moment of your ecstasy , which is so stimulating , driving us to the edge of annihilation and we feel ourselves filled with this numinous bliss . It is not you that we desire nor can our thirst be satiated with thousand more like you ; it is the illusion of your body which enthrall us , your body alone is much superior than your intellect and you know it perfectly ; therefore your never desired intellect”.
But she tumbled down on , all the rhythm and the beat sank into death like silence. He felt his heart jerking out and all the cries and wildness of those men came to naught. She was lying lifelessly and they were calm , quiet, motionless and obtused. And then she stormed again the savage dance , devastating the calmness of the murky night. She was fanatic , indeed fanatic, she was inclined towards her own destruction, exhausting herself, he knew she would. She wanted to spin the world but was spinning only by her own self….