Pairings: R+D+R, slightly hinted 1+2+1 (blink and you'll miss it)
Warnings: yuri. angst. confused folks. ocd behavior.
Archive: You want it, you got it! Just let me know who you are!
Feedback: Craved, demanded, desired! Give me some and get me as a wifey!
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, this is fanfiction... And a style I never do!
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They�re dirty. The baseboards, they�re dusty. I have to clean them. They aren�t perfect. I can�t stand it. I�m going at the dusty baseboards with a piece of tp because they�re dirty. I can see the edge of the shower door� There�s lime build up on the jamb.
Why am I just now noticing this?
I look around the bathroom and see that everything is dirty. It isn�t clean enough. I have an early day tomorrow. I should go to bed. I can�t. I have to fix it.
* * *
It�s 2am when she finds me. She doesn�t like the fact that I�m still up. I must have made too much noise. Maybe I shouldn�t have started cleaning my bedroom. I finished the bathroom and it�s passable now. My bedroom is right next to it though. It should be clean too.
At least I can see my desk.
I can�t go to bed.
I won�t go to bed yet. I told her I would as soon as I finished changing my bed, but I can�t see 50% of the floor. I have to fix that.
* * *
It�s 5am. I�m so tired. I want to sleep. I have to be up at 7. I can see the whole floor. I have a load of laundry to switch. My bed is clean. I can see my desk. The bathroom is done. I just can�t walk down the hall.
* * *
The coffee mug shakes. My hand isn�t steady enough. I rub the back of my neck. I think Dorothy knows I didn�t sleep much last night. I didn�t make it to bed until almost 6. I am so tired.
I stare at the candle flame on the table. So bright. So clean. People never use candles during the daytime, just at night or for special occasions or to create a mood. The light is almost� hypnotizing. It gives me a sense of calm. Of perfection. It grounds me as much as one Heero Yuy once did for me.
Funny how a flame reminds me of him. How appropriate. At least he�s happy now. He wishes me luck every time we speak, but I don�t seem to have it.
I finish off my coffee and set the cup back down on the table. Wishful thinking, to be that clean, bright, and pure. Fire has� an odd sense of freedom too. Another thing I don�t possess.
Which reminds me, I have work to do before tomorrow.
* * *
It�s 1 in the morning and I�m sitting in front of my computer wishing for him to be online. He gave up his nocturnal habits a short while ago. (1) I should go to bed but I just need� someone. Anyone. I need some kind of contact, I don�t care what. I know Dorothy�s in her room trying to track me down on the net but this is the name that only Heero knows. He gave it to me, or rather Duo did. I smile humorlessly. Who would think that Ms. Relena has an online name of �SisterSan�(2)?
A message. Go to bed.
I frown. Who in the hell is �Pandora�? It isn�t Heero and it�s the wrong screen-name for Duo.
Another message to my question. Someone who knows you, go to bed.
I can�t. I need to talk. I need to understand. I need the chance to feel. Too many people depend on me in one piece.
The next message reads �Then sleep and dream.�
I scoff at the response. My dreams are part of the reason I won�t sleep.
�What are your dreams?� the person asks.
I sigh. Well� I did want to talk. I type out my response. �I dream for peace in my life. Continued peace around me.�
�So why is this a bad thing to dream? You should be rushing to bed.�
I shake my head. �Domestic peace cannot be achieved. The attempt would destroy the fragile impasse I have now. An impasse which helps preserve my sanity.� There are disks all over next to the computer. I start straightening them.
�So negative Ms. Relena?�
My blood runs cold. How does this person actually know who I am?
�Did the gundam pilots teach you nothing? Peace can only be achieved through chaos.�
I know this voice. Shakily I type a response. �The price is too high to pay.�
�Is the prize worth it? Is true peace worth it?�
�Love is worth anything� I type. I hit enter as I realize what I just typed. I smack my forehead and quickly type an explanation of sorts. �But in this case, preservation is more important. I can survive as long as there is peace in the world.� I sigh. �My dreams,� I even remembered the original question. Go me. I roll my eyes. �They are nothing but that. Dreams. And as they are neither reality, nor the sentiment my � friend shares, they are painful and end up causing more unrest than a night of sleeplessness. Besides. I get things done this way.�
�Your friend? He has a name?�
I could feel the smooth smile. I �almost- knew who it was. �She.�
�Me?�
The voice behind me made me jump. I felt my face drain of color then the blush flood my face as butterflies stirred in my stomach. I turned to see Dorothy in the doorway with her PDA. I closed my eyes, the strange fluttery sinking sensation only growing larger.
A click and a rustle of cloth sounded very loud in the very quiet room. �Pandora opened the box she was given in curiosity, but hope got stuck under the lid when she tried to shut the evils back in. This �Pandora� wants to give hope a chance and has opened the box, Ms. Relena.�
Cool fingers danced across my forehead, palms cupped my cheeks raising my lips to meet the silken touch of another. The blush rose in my face as her lips moved on mine. I gave into the sensation and opened my mouth in a silent invitation, one which she accepted readily. Completion, fear, caring, compassion, understanding, need, taste, feel, slick, different.
Air flooded my lungs as she pulled back. Slowly, I opened my eyes to look up at the one I dared to dream about loving.
Clear blue eyes looked back at me, mirroring everything I felt. The understanding and the need, but also concern, shyness and, somehow, humor. I ducked my head and put my arms around her, drawing her close. Her arms slid around me in a comforting embrace.
Too much. After a while, I discovered I was crying. Dorothy had a wet spot on her shirt where my face had been.
She moved back and knelt down in front of me, looking me in the eyes. Her eyes challenged me as they bored into me. Slowly, I smiled and nodded.
I held her hand and shut down the computer. I had the dream I needed.
Dusting the computer� One of the servants could do that.
She kissed me again.
Oh my.
And again.
I could get used to this.
Again.
Strike that. I�ll never have enough� Hope is free� And so am I.
Mmmm� Sweet dreams.
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(1) The reference to Heero (yes, that�s who �he� is) being online late at night is for everyone reading the �You�ve Got Male� & company fics! And yep, we most certainly know �those- circumstances! *evil grins*
(2) Once, many long fic readings ago, I heard the *struggles to remember and probably doesn�t remember it right* �oju-san� translated as �sister� with the connotation of it being something one would call a spoiled brat.
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