Archive: Hell yes! Lemme know where so I may praise
your many virtues!
Pairings: Can't recall any
Genre: Humor, -slight- AU... Self insertion? It
takes place after the war.
Warnings: Uh... though this is humor... I kinda
introduced the G-boys to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate
factory via the Chickens(*1). So if you still think Willy
Wonka is a movie your kids can watch, be forewarned.
It isn't and it does get fully explained. (If that
Chicken thing doesn't make any sense, don't worry.
You can look us up on the net if you really want to
know.)
Disclaimer: I own nothing! Well I take that back, I
do own some comics, some blankets and a stereo and a
desk and a computer... BUT THATS IT! Notice GW or
Willy Wonka isn't mentioned in that list ONCE! This
is all, obviously, for fan purposes!
_____________________________________________
"Come on! It'll be great! B-movies and cult classics all night! We've got all the Godzilla movies, Rocky Horror and Willy Wonka!"
Duo grinned. "I'll get the others to come if you show Willy Wonka first!"
Caylin grinned. "If you're there immediately after dinner you've got a deal."
"I think this will be a whole lot of fun. Anything I can bring as far as munchies? You've got to have munchies when watching B-movies..." he asked.
Mair grinned. "Hmmm... We've got stuff to drink... but nothing with a bite. We've got popcorn... How about..."
"Chocolate pudding?"
"Get your mind out of the gutter Jen, we're watching Willy Wonka not wrestling. Though I think that stuff falls into the category of b-movies..." Mair laughed as Jen waggled her eyebrows. "Besides Jen... those wrestlers you have so much fun watching are very dead now. By like... 300 years or something."
Duo blinked. "Something tells me you people may even give my mind a henti run." He grinned. "Now I really have to bring them all! I bet Wufei'll have a permenant towel on his nose all night!"
The girls laughed. "In that case, bring what ever munchies you like."
Duo saluted smartly and took off down the hall toward the boys dorm. He carreened around the corner only to run into someone. They landed in a tangle of arms and legs and future bruises. "Ow..."
"Duo, Trowa, are you all right?" Quatre asked, walking over to where he lay tangled with his victim.
"Oi... sorry Trowa..." Duo dazedly replied, rolling off. "I'm fine Quatre... Just wasn't expecting anyone to be there."
Trowa picked himself up off of the floor. "Be a little more careful next time..."
"Yeah sure..." Then Duo remembered. "Hey! I know something that will be a great start to winter break! Some of the girls are hosting a b-movie night over in their dorm room! Since we aren't going anywhere just yet I figured it would be a great idea! They're showing everything! It'll be a blast!"
"A b-movie night?" Quatre asked, a puzzled expression covering his face.
Duo got to his feet. "Yeah, b-movie! You know, movies that bombed! Their showin' the oldies! Best of all though, they're showing Willy Wonka!"
"Willy Wonka?"
"Yeah! Great movie! A classic! Purely inspired by drugs! Lots of drugs!"
"I think I watched that once..." Quatre said slowly. "I don't remember anything about drugs..."
Duo gaped at him. "Oh come on! The tunnel? That was an acid trip from hell! And what about the chick eating the mushroom?"
Trowa and Quatre stared at Duo. "I... guess... Anything else?" Quatre asked slowly.
"I'm sure there's tons! I mean, the whole hallway thing was a trip... Willy Wonka getting bigger and all..."
Quatre blinked. "Trowa? Would you like to see it?"
At Trowa's nod, Duo grinned. "Great! I'm gonna go get Heero and Wufei! They just have to see it! Their gonna play it first if we're there right after dinner! See you at dinner!"
Duo ran off calling for Heero and Wufei.
* * * * *
"I can't believe you dragged us all here."
"Can it Wufei, I promise, you'll love this." Duo said as he knocked on the door.
Someone inside laughed and the door opened revealing a laughing blond girl with blue grey eyes.
"Hey Kasey!"
"Hey Duo, come on in!" She said holding the door open for them all to file in.
The others all called their greetings and Louis spoke up from his spot on one of the beds, "Grab a spot where ever you find one."
Duo smiled in response. "Everyone, I'd like you to meet Heero, Quatre, Trowa and Wufei... He's the one trying to escape out the door." Wufei swore as Maxwell spotted him and sulked into the room.
Caylin smiled. "Well, this is Louis," the large guy on the bed waved, "his sister Jen," Jen nodded from her spot on the floor, "Kasey, who opened the door for you, my sister Mair, and me, Caylin. It's nice to meet you all."
After they all found seats, Caylin popped the disk in and started the drive. "Just so you all know, you can speak up when ever you want durring the movie. We all do. It's our goal in life to perver this movie as much as possible." Mair volunteered.
"Pervert?" Quatre asked warily.
Jen grinned evilly. "Pervert. This movie comes out of a twisted imagination. Pure drugs and sex. The whole thing is about homosexuality, incest... pedophilia..."
Duo blinked. "You are gonna point all this out right?"
"No she isn't!" Wufei yelled.
"And what did you think I'd do instead?" Jen asked
. Wufei struggled to answer as Mair skipped the intro. "Shut up and watch..."
The movie started. After a while the girls and Louis started to laugh.
"What?"
Mair looked over at Heero. "The candy man is a pedophiliac. He's giving out -CANDY-. He's also a drug dealer... Those dots the kids are eating? They aren't dots. They're hits!" She turned back to the screen. "Check it out! He just groped that girl at the soda fountain!"
Wufei's eyes grew large. "He did not!"
Duo whapped him on the head. "Shhhh!"
After a while, Jen snickered. "Charlie's fondling the bread."
"My God, your right... I never saw that before..." Duo said stunned.
Heero leaned over. "He pulled the bread out of his bag... How did he..." his mind clicked. "Oh."
Duo grinned. "You aren't hopeless after all!"
Later on, Louis popped up. "I swear, Willy Wonka is a pervert... He's feeling up little kids now! Check that out. Hand feeling up Verucah's chest while he's pretending to feel her coat."
Duo looked over at Trowa and Quatre. Their eyes and eye, respectively, were huge.
Duo turned back to the screen and watched as hands grabbed the jackets of the people as they entered into the factory. Duo snorted at the line "you're all ways making things difficult."
Mair looked over. "What?"
"Her father, who calls her Verucah sweetheart, was just accused of making things difficult and pushed away. Anyone ever hear about the case against Michael Jackson and that tape evidence?" Duo replied.
The others thought a minute, then snickered. Louis let out a gawfah.
"Woohooo! The first drug trip scene! I told you about this one Q-man!" Duo yelled.
"It's an optical illusion Maxwell."
Duo looked over at Wufei. "But check out the hallway and everyone flipping out in the room!"
"It's an illusion. Nothing more. Watch the movie Maxwell."
Duo stuck out his tongue and turned back to the screen. "And that? He's playing with the little boy's hair! He's a pediphiliac!"
Trowa sighed. "I think you're reading to far into this."
"He is not! We came up with the same thing when we watched it for the second time!" Mair said.
"Every body shut up! They're allowed in! Check it out! The girls eating stuff out of balls, Mike Teevee is chasing balls, Wonka is kicking balls, that mom's eating white cream from a mushroom..." Jen started to laugh as Louis continued. "And if this isn't a sexual orientation allusion, the Oompah Loompahs are creaming and sugaring the chocolate river!"
Duo laughed and looked over at Wufei who looked puzzled. "What's wrong with that?"
Duo's laughter trailed off. "Wufei... think sexually a second here. Oompah loompas, male ones, are creaming and sugaring a chocolate river."
"Creaming... chocolate river... Come on Wufei..." Mair challenged.
Wufei's eyes widened and a trickle of blood started trickling out of his nose. "K'so..."
The others laughed and went back to the movie. "Oh check this out! Tremendous pressure is building up behind the blockage!!!" Mair said gesturing at the screen.
Quatre groaned. "This was not what I expected..."
The gathered individuals soon laughed again at the end of the tunnel scene. Heero, Duo and Trowa didn't need any help with that one. They got the whole rushing down the chocolate river and ending up at the cream room.
The movie went on and by the time they got to the glass elevator, Wufei was woozy from blood loss.
"So what's going on with this scene? I know you have managed to pervert it somehow... you managed with the rest of this movie." Trowa asked.
"Just think about it a second. Charlie presses a button and they all go crashing through the cealing..." Kasey answered.
"Kasey! You weren't supposed to tell!" Jen muttered.
Wufei gave into blood loss and passed out.
Heero's eyes twinkled and a small smirk graced his face. "Not only that, but they can see everything from up where they are and Wonkas motives for holding the contest are revealed. He wants Charlie and his family to come live with him for all time."
Duo laughed outright, collapsing against Heero. "I really have to get a hold of this movie..." he gasped, "it isn't nearly the thing I remembered! Thriving population of only male Oompa Loompa's, the leap frog sex scene... And they call this thing a kids movie!"
----------------------------------------- I don't normally do end notes but after re-reading what I wrote I decided that a little... helpful knowledge on the point would be handy.
(*1)= The Chickens (my group of friends) readily search for things in movies that people didn't (necessarily) intend for them to be in there. With Willy Wonka, my friends and I were struck by the overwhelming homosexual references. After many late nights and lots of sugar, we figured out the whole thing. Yes, we have "corrupted" the entire thing. We find it intensly entertaining that the "loud" homophobes allow their children, and themselves, to watch a movie like this. We don't "bash" homosexuality when we take apart a movie like this, we find humor in the situation. The fact that Cori, whom happens to be a lesbian (like that matters), came up with a good 1/4 of this herself.