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More rules to live by for computer users from the Tech
Support Department:
21. If you have a 14-inch monitor that says VGA on it, set
the display to true color, 1024 x 768. You'll never again
have to worry about people reading confidential files over
your shoulder.
22. When we offer training on the upcoming OS upgrade, don't
bother. We'll be there to hold your hand after it's done.
23. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least
20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.
24. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send
the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is
bound to work.
25. Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We
know exactly what you mean by "my thingy's outta whack."
26. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.
27. If you're taking night classes in computer science,
feel free to go around and update the network drivers for
your all your co-workers. We're grateful for the overtime
money.
28. When an I.T. person makes popcorn, help yourself
while he's checking out your access rights. And we keep
chocolate in the top drawer, too.
29. When you have an I.T. person fixing your computer at
a quarter past noon, eat your lunch in his face. We
function better when slightly dizzy.
30. Don't ever thank us. We're getting paid for this.
31. If you're an intern, feel free to bring in all your
friends from college and have your Daddy complain to our
boss when we won't let them use the scanner. We had no
friends when we were in college; that's why we're such a
bunch of little twerps.
32. When an I.T. person asks you whether you've installed
any new software on this computer, lie. It's nobody's
business what you've got on your computer.
33. When an I.T. person finds the AOL shortcuts in your
Recycle Bin, tell them you've never seen those before.
We couldn't tell a lie if it kicked us in the face.
34. If you have NT, feel free to change the local
administrator's password and promptly forget it. We
like installing NT.
35. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed
picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the
cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 45
lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.
36. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work,
blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually
very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail
clippings in them.
37. When you receive the new Yanni CD for your
birthday, shove it into any slot on the front of
your computer. We like getting physical with 5.25
floppy drives.
38. When you get a message saying "Are you sure?"
click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Heck,
if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would
you?
39. When you find an I.T. person on the phone with
his bank, sit uninvited on the corner of his desk
and stare at him until he hangs up. We don't have
any money to speak of anyway.
40. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't
know nothing about that computer nonsense." We don't
mind at all hearing our area of professional exper-
tise referred to as nonsense.
Back to FUN STUFF!
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