Uncut  Santa Claus: Continued

After Santa's exercise he enters a room full of different types of chimneys. He climbs up a ladder, drops into one of them and bounces up and down.
Narrator: "There, see. Santa has reduced his waist line. It may not seem so but he fits into the chimney's alright"
Mike: "Well, lard ass sized smoke stacks maybe..."

     Soon; a voice from a loud speaker announces that "Trans Heavenly Airway"  flights are ready for departure to Earth, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn.
Servo as Santa: "But to hell with Venus! Last time I was there, they sent out bat creatures to control my mind!"
Mike: "Mars hu? I guess he had to fire Dropo"

     The children of the damned march out, singing, polishing and doing repairs to Santa's reindeer.


Santa approaches the sleigh when a boy in white tugs on his coat and begins blathering in Russian, gesturing wildly.
Crow: "Is he speaking in tongues?"
Servo: "Na, he's trying to locate the Nuclear Wessles"

     Santa explains to the kid that he doesn't want a modern sputnik and that his sleigh suits him just fine!
Crow: (as Santa, grumbling under his breath) "sputnik... Bah - why I have half a mind to take the paddle to that little Commie bas---"
Mike: "Hey now, that's enough Crow"
Crow: "What!? I'm just the messenger"

Edit #3: Santa Up A Tree
The Brains next cut out a hunk of film from the end of the mother/daughter scene through some moments showing Santa stuck in the tree.

     When Lupita wakes, there is more to the conversion between her and her mother. The two look towards the window and Lupita notices that morning is coming and still no Santa with a dolly!
Mike (as Lupita): "This is totally bush league!"
Servo as Mom: "Uh, mmm - perhaps when you wake you will find that Santa has left a packet of 'Top Ramen' for you?"

Mama puts Lupita back to bed and wonders if Santa will bring a dolly next year.

     Shift to Santa in the tree, calling out for Merlin. Back in the North -uh- Cloud. Santa's pint sized assistant hears the distresss call and runs off to get the wizard. Merlin farts around before following with a strange gallop.
Narrator: "Hurry Mr. Merlin, this is no time to play horsey. Santa's in danger"
Mike as Narrator: "On second thought, playing horsey sounds fun. Lets all take a ride on the old man!"



The shot cuts to the house, everyone is awake and Pitch whispers in each ear. Telling the men that they are the bravest and should act. Telling the woman that the men are all cowards and that she should, "Put them to shame now"
Servo as Pitch: "Tell them they both have small winkey's"

Suddenly the sound of sirens fills the air!
Narrator: "The Red Cross, the Fire Department, The Police!"
Crow (singing): "Roxanne"
Narrator: "What a jam poor Santa's in, everyone will see him"
Mike: "And he's not wearing any pants!"

And there it ends, the Brains finish the rest of the film intact.

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