What a cruel, cruel month, such is April . . .

 

 

·         I’m home and alive- - - or barely. We made the news and half the world has probably read or heard about us now. Quite horrible to think of those ghastly footages of our dramatic rescue shown on television, cable, net, etc.  Obviously, I was that hideous; my hair looking like a mass of desiccated seaweed and my complexion lacking its usual hue and glow. Nevertheless, I’m just happy to return to the civilized world with all my faculties intact.  Another week in that island and I would have turned into a cannibal and devoured Cedwynn.

 

·         Slept for three days and woke up shell-shocked. There was a funny taste in my mouth and a funny throbbing sensation somewhere in my head. Immersed my filthy body in a tub until I was fully convinced every dot of grime’s been washed off.  I’ve forgotten how a sudsy warm scented bath feels like.

 

·         Kai phoned, my heart skipped two beats. I could have passed out but I managed to sound so cool.  He told me Sebastian’s under therapy at some exclusive expensive facility, and Lydee and Cedwynn have recently gotten engaged.

 

·         Shame, shame, shame. Was petrified to discover my armpits are so hirsute.  I grabbed a jar of wax and peeled off the furry growth. Ghastly.  No wonder Kai didn’t find me attractive during that lengthy period I spent in his company.  I’m a disgusting troglodyte.

 

·         I must shave my ugly head. My seaweed locks are infested with mites or some other minute crawly creatures endemic to the island. Definitely going to the hairdresser’s today.  Hope Miss Champagne Supernova won’t go ballistic; he’s got such a delicate temperament.

 

·         I feel super. Hair shorn, head bare and gleaming, I now bear a striking resemblance to the Dalai Lama.  Just realized I’m possibly unemployed. How frightening!

 

·         Hairless and penniless, what a splendid life I lead. Can’t find my favorite pair of sneakers or my Japanese sandals. Don’t quite recall donating those to the Salvation Army.  Dug up an ancient pair of army boots from a moldy Chinese chest instead.  I don’t know how on earth did I ever come to possess such an artifact but the shoes fit.  I took a little jaunt wearing those boots and a pack of canines came chasing after me.

 

·         Mrs. Bat kindly offered to lend me one of her wigs. I had to decline politely giving her a ridiculous excuse that I’m getting my scalp exposed to UV rays as some kind of treatment so I shouldn’t be covering it. 

 

·         Was roused from a fitful sleep by a very unpleasant nightmare just a little after midnight. It’s her again, the mermaid with the coronet of pink pearls. Didn’t bother going back to bed. I logged on to a Yahoo chat-room and flirted with an entity from Brazil.

 

·         Kai Vagnner, I am so in love with you - - - -  STILL.

 

·         There’s something in my mailbox: a letter from Asteria. It came with a curiously yellowed envelope stamped with the face of the Queen of England and faintly smelling of lavender. Why didn’t anybody tell me the BITCH is in London getting her book published? Why? Why? Why? This can’t be possibly happening! I hope she gets ran over by a speeding train. LIFE SUCKS!

 

·         I HATE APRIL SHOWERS. . . What’s so nice about them anyway? Getting drenched by a sudden downpour of raindrops from the sky while sipping tea on a roof deck is absolutely not fun at all.  I made a dash indoors and spent a couple of hours practicing my voodoo while the rain pelted on.

 

·         Sebastian called from whatever asylum he’s presently incarcerated in. Told him he’s got the wrong number and quickly dropped the phone. I’m contemplating on getting my telephone number changed soon.   Pissed, I am for the entire day. Can’t accept that Asteria’s going to be famous in just a matter of time. What does she know about writing a book anyway?  I abhor that woman.

 

·         Went to this exotic herb market and bought weeds, herbs, twigs, seeds, bulbs and other root stuff. Have to do something drastic with my hair. Still bald after three weeks, getting quite frantic already. Must try to practice chemistry. Hope I won’t burn the building down or poison the other tenants with fumes. 

 

·         Still terrifically bald. But hope’s in the horizon. I’ve concocted a potion to restore my glorious locks. Maybe this discovery would bring me immense fortune someday.  All I’ve got to do now is to saturate my poor scalp with my magic hair rejuvenator and voila I’m rich! 

 

·         On hunger strike. Feeling so ugly and useless and unwanted--- and very much unloved, by Kai of course. Wearing a ridiculous hat too whenever I step out into the sunshine just so I won’t turn moldy from confinement. Two days more and April’s over.  Thank heavens.  Can’t wait for this stupid cruel month to be ended.

 

·         Missing Mother all of a sudden. Don’t know why. I must be so wretched. Decided to scribble her a little note saying I hope she marries her Greek lover and become so deliriously blissful.  That’s a lie as huge as Mt. Everest of course.  I really hope her lover gets some horrible disease.  Praying something utterly nefarious would befall them soon.  Yes, I know I’m very, very wicked.