Part 7
“Okay, yes....no I did, I, I did....he’s....he’s not here, I’m sorry,” Kaylie stuttered into the phone. Her mother looked on from the doorway of her room, concern etched into her pretty features. Kaylie just wanted to get off the phone. It had been a long conversation, going on an hour now. The second interrogation of the day. “He’s not here. I don’t....I have to go now.” She hung up the phone without waiting for a reply. Then she picked up the handset and slammed it twice for good measure. Her mother stepped into the room and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, another hand rubbing her back.
“What did she want,” her mother said slowly, a comment not requiring an answer. Ever since the move to Capeside the calls had come, the reason for them always the same. Her mother was tired, Kaylie could tell. Her father was evasive, he refused to comment on the calls. Kaylie had managed to excuse her bruised jaw, the result of a misplaced foot on a slippery dock, she said. She’d told Steven to go home....without her. He seemed to accept her decision. Kaylie wanted to believe he accepted her decision. And now this phone call. The third in the last two days. She checked her watch and shrugged off her mother’s comfort. She was going to be late to school at this rate. Her mother left, placing a kiss on her cheek on the way out of the bedroom.
Kaylie walked into Capeside High’s hallway feeling marked. She felt the eyes on her as she reached her locker. Kaylie opened the locker, pulling out books for her homeroom, grabbing a small compact to check herself in the mirror. She held it up, glancing around the hall first, making sure no one was paying attention. She patted the powder puff on her jaw, already carefully concealed with cover up and foundation. She winced a little at the touch, her cheek still hurt. Satisfied, Kaylen started to close the compact, when she saw a familiar pair of green eyes reflected in the glassy surface of the mirror. She closed the compact, her locker, and her eyes. She wished him away. Turning and opening her eyes, she saw her wish granted. He was nowhere to be seen. Then she felt the hot breath on her bare neck and let out a shuddering breath.
“Miss me?” The question was innocent and menacing all at once.
Kaylie opted for the casual response. “Nah, were you gone?” She felt a hand snake around her waist. “I don’t miss you.” Damn him for getting to her.
“We’re meant to be Katie.” The hand closed around her lungs, reaching up to her heart.
“Meant to be?” Kaylie didn’t think too many things were meant to be anymore. She watched as students turned to look at her, curious about the couple. Maybe they saw it....maybe they knew that she was “meant to be” with someone. She stared back, feeling her boyfriend’s arms and letting herself disappear in the moment. She didn’t want to be this person. She didn’t want to let that hand travel inside her breast the way it always did. She didn’t want the calls at night, the calls in the morning. Her mother was going to be disappointed in her. She wasn’t growing to be the girl her mother raised.
Pacey and Joey rounded the corner hand in hand. They had spent the weekend in bed. Holding each other and....other things. Pacey smiled when he thought about their second time. His technique had improved. Joey’s hand tightened around his and he looked up to see her eyes trained ahead, her expression angry and worried. He looked to where her eyes were focused and saw Kaylie and the asshole. He felt the anger rise into his throat and gripped Joey’s hand protectively. Kaylie looked like a rag doll in the boy’s arms.
When she saw Pacey and Joey, Kaylie straightened and stiffened in Steven’s arms. Her hand went to cover her jaw. She pulled away from Steven. “Meant to be what? Steven, I told you to go.”
Dawson Leery strode down the hall and saw Pacey and Joey at the opposite end. Joey looked beautiful today. She was wearing a deep blue sweater, dark blue jeans, and silver earrings with small blue beads that hung from them and brushed against her neck as she moved her head. As she moved her head to look into Pacey’s eyes. Dawson sighed and convinced himself once again that he was happy with Gretchen. That being with a woman was what he wanted. Joey was only a girl. A girl in love with Pacey. Dawson didn’t bother to notice Kaylie facing Steven. He missed the tension that filled the air.
Steven said nothing, merely reached out for Kaylie again. And Kaylie pulled back further, remembering the night a few months ago that had landed her in Capeside, miles away from her old home.
The calls had been frequent that day...too frequent. Her father had been offered a transfer to Capeside, Massachusetts and planned to turn it down. He didn’t like Capeside, it held bad memories, not that he had ever visited before. He’d never set foot in Capeside and he swore he never would. Damn the calls and damn her. Kaylie was left to answer the calls. Kaylie was left to feel used and useless. So when her boyfriend had called she’d been only too willing to escape. And she had escaped. As far as she could, to the small home of a Justice of the Peace. To exchange vows. Without a license. Without any legal rights....she was only seventeen. Steven just wanted to hear her say it. “Say it Katie.” She could hear him. “Say we’re meant to be...til death do us part. Say it Katie.” And he called her Katie. She’d always hated her name. Kaylen. A nutso name, given to her by a certified nut. Steven had given her a new name, new plans. They grew up together. They lived next to each other, in the same small cul-de-sac in Encinitas, California. They spent afternoons in the pool getting sunburned. Kaylie had Her skin. The nearly translucent skin was not her father’s. Steven was sweet, he was her first love. So she’d said it.
“Til death do us part....” She didn’t know what it meant. It was an end to the calls, a life with the boy with two happy parents, a future without the blasted singing. Everything in her life connected to a song. That night it was Joni Mitchell all the way. They’d driven to a small motel up the coast a bit. They’d gotten out of the car and gotten a room. The clerk hadn’t even cared that they had no luggage. Kaylie thought he might rent the rooms by the hour if asked. She shuddered at the thought. They entered the musty room and Steven had turned on the radio. Kaylie wished it was quieter, she couldn’t hear herself think. “A Case of You” had come on the oldies’ station.
just before our love got lost you said
“i am as constant as a northern star”
and i said “constantly in the darkness where’s that at? if you want me i’ll be in the bar”
And she blinked her eyes twice and tried to forget. Suddenly awake and aware of the students surrounding her in the halls of Capeside High, she froze. She shook her head to forget the hotel room, “Go away Steven.”
“I’m not leaving. This is your parents talking, Kate. We both know the mess that is. You and I-we can just leave. We’ll go back to California.” He held out a hand and smiled. Steven had money. He had connections, if he wanted his girlfriend to travel cross country to be with him, he had parents who would help him. Kaylie knew she’d be the one to make the choice. Leave Capeside and the freak show that would soon explode or destroy Steven and stay. Neither was an appealing option.
on the back of a cartoon coaster
in the blue t.v. screen light
i drew a map of canada
oh canada
with your face sketched on it twice
The kiss in the hotel door was sweet and soft. At the time, it was enough. Kaylie loved Steven....not passionately, but that wasn’t necessary for a first love. Kaylie always accepted Steven as the first, not the last love. So why did she say it? The doubts creeped in with the music.
oh, you are in my blood like holy wine
you taste so bitter and so sweet
oh i could drink a case of you, darling
and i would still be on my feet
She received the slap shortly after she aired her fears. That did it. Steve Johnson was dead. Dead. What was with the pouting arrogant fool? Why was she here? She wouldn’t stand for this, not tonight. This was supposed to be their first time. They were “meant to be.” Kaylie straightened and stared in shock. She turned to leave the tiny little hotel room and fell backward as Steven grabbed her hand hard, making her shoulder sting.
i would still be on my feet.
Kaylie wasn’t going to leave Capeside. She looked at Steven, brimming with confidence, and said, “No.”
oh, i am a lonely painter
i live in a box of paints
“No? Katie, I love you,” he reached for her and she stepped farther away.
Pacey tensed, ready for any fight. Joey placed a hand on his forearm, a soft smile on her face, a pleading look in her eyes. A look that said, “This isn’t your fight.” A look the two understood and both sighed sadly knowing the truth of the words better left unspoken.
i’m frightened by the devil
and i’m drawn to those ones that ain’t afraid
Kaylie wasn’t afraid of anything. She’d seen the worst. The emergency room at three in the morning. The look on her mother’s face when she’d come into the hospital room. The grim resignation on her father’s face when he’d accepted the transfer to Capeside. “We’re leaving Kaylie. I don’t want you to see that boy again.” The anger after he’d seen him at the Capeside High Auditorium. The father who pleaded with her to stay away from Steven, the father quietly driven out of his mind by calls. She was ready to be the woman her mother raised. She was ready. Her eyes to the floor, glassy, she said it. “I don’t love you back.”
i remember that time you told me, you said,
“love is touching souls”
The words rang through the hallway, just as the sirens had rung in the empty little motel parking lot.
“You’re mine. You can’t forget, you can’t take it back,” Steven insisted.
The words held less meaning when they weren’t accompanied by Joni Mitchell and swift kicks to her side.
well surely you touched mine
‘cause part of you pours out of me
in these lines from time to time
“I don’t want to see you anymore. Please,” Kaylie pleaded, her voice a small whisper of breath, “Don’t make a scene.”
“A scene,” Steven’s voice seemed to rise and fall all at once, “I’ll give you a scene. You’re my wife Katie!” The halls fell silent and the students all turned to stare. Kaylie felt herself flush in embarrassment. She steeled herself, her brown eyes determined. She saw Pacey and Joey stare from their place in the hall. She turned for a second and saw Dawson, watching with widened eyes. She was going to drown. At least she hoped she would.
“It wasn’t legal Steven. We didn’t have a license,” she replied evenly.
“It meant something. You took my ring,” he stated accusingly.
“And you took my blood. I think we’re even,” she gritted out. Kaylie felt for the chain around her neck, the silver one she’d kept hidden beneath her shirt. Grasping it and pulling it out, she found the ring. A small silver ring, a circle of gleaming metal. She yanked the chain hard, breaking it. Sliding the ring off, she held out her hand. “Take it,” Kaylie ordered. Steven simply stared back at her, so she grabbed his clenched fist, pried it open and set the ring in his palm. “Now go.”
oh, you’re in my blood like holy wine
you taste so bitter and so sweet
“You love me Katie. You’re just saying this now because I hurt your feelings the other night.” Steven bit his lip and held the ring out to her again. “You love me.”
oh i could drink a case of you, darling
and i would still be on my feet
“My ‘feelings?’ Is that what you hurt?” Kaylie was furious. The whole fucking school was looking at her. Pacey was watching her. Dawson was staring. Damn him. “You want a scene? Fine. Attention all of Capeside High School, my ex-boyfriend here is a lying jerk. And to top it off he beats women. He beats me. He nearly killed me once. Which is why I’m here. I’m here because my parents don’t want you near me. We left home because I don’t want to be anywhere near you. I don’t want you, I never wanted you. There’s no such thing as soulmates or being star crossed. It’s bullshit. And if you compare us to ‘Romeo and Juliet’ again, so help me, I’ll make sure you suffer his fate.”
i would still be on my feet
Steven stared at her, shocked at the outburst. A few of the students smirked, most of them went quickly to their respective classrooms, seeing the now ringing school bell as their way out of the unfolding scene. Dawson stood still, watching Kaylie, her hands wadded up into fists.
i met a woman
she had a mouth like yours
she knew your life
she knew your devils and your deeds
“Say you don’t love me. Say it and I’ll leave. For good, I promise,” Steven whispered, certainty still in his eyes. He reached out and placed the ring in her fisted hand, smoothing the tension out of her fingers. He kissed the inside of her palm gently. “Just say it, say it and I’m gone.” He watched her eyes warm under his touch and smiled.
and she said, “go to him, stay with him if you can but be prepared to bleed”
Kaylie looked into his eyes and closed her hand around the silver band. She stared at Joey out of the corner of her eye. Joey stared back, tears streaming down her face. Pacey looked down at his girlfriend and brushed the stray tears away, kissing her cheek. Kaylie’s heart ached.
But you are in my blood
you’re my holy wine
Dawson watched and waited. His eyes drifted over Kaylie, holding the ring, and he sighed, disappointed. He didn’t know why, but his chest hurt.
Kaylie lifted her closed hand and raised it above her head. The tiny metallic ping of the ring hitting the linoleum floor was the loudest sound she’d ever heard. She looked at Steven coldly and firmly, “I don’t love you.” His eyes widened and his mouth opened, but not a sound came out. Kaylie turned and walked away from him. Steven leaned against her locker, the wind knocked out of him. As she strode down the long hall, she heard him start to cry, she heard the music from that hotel room, she felt her own tears. She was drowning in them. But her stride gave no indication of emotion, unlike the crumpled blonde boy. Pacey and Joey watched Kaylie walk away for a moment, before Joey pulled Pacey by the hand to follow her out the door of the school.
you taste so bitter and so sweet
Dawson was left with the defeated boy. He left for his class with a disgusted glance towards Steven. Steven remained in the hall, trying to remember how to walk away.
oh i could drink a case of you, darling
The minute Kaylie reached the doorway she ran. She ran across the lawn to the large trees that surrounded the school, she fell against one tree. Slowly slipping to the ground she sobbed. Holding her knees to her chest with shaking hands, she rocked back and forth. She felt soft arms reach out and encircle her. Long hair brushed against her arms as the unseen person hugged her, whispering comforting words. Kaylie turned into the embrace to see Joey, her eyes wet too. Pacey sat down beside them and watched. The pair stayed with Kaylie that afternoon, classes forgotten. And a friendship had begun.
and i would still be on my feet
i would still be on my feet