Part 17
“Kaylie, hold up.” Dawson was out of breath by the time he caught up to Kaylie, who continued to walk quickly down the halls of Capeside High.
She plastered a large confidant grin on her face mechanically. “Hey, Dawson.” Her books began to slip through her arms and she shifted a little to regain balance.
“So, you told him,” he responded, throwing a hopeful smile at her. He reached out to finger a stray strand of dark hair.
A short silence seemed to make the sounds of the busy hall pound into his skull. “I told him.” She smiled brightly. Her fingers flicked his away brusquely.
“And?”
“And he was mad.” Kaylie turned to head for her next class.
Dawson nodded his head slowly. “Is that it?”
“What?” He stared hard at her curiously blank eyes. “He was very mad?” She finished uncertainly.
He nodded again. And Kaylie smiled. Trying to draw her out once more, Dawson placed a gentle hand on each of her shoulders. He dropped a kiss on her forehead tenderly. “Are you okay?” The question came out more accusatory than he had intended.
“Fine.” She smiled tightly, stepped out of his grasp, and rounded the corner without a glance back.
Once she rounded the corner, Kaylie found herself three steps away from Pacey, Joey, and Jen. They were huddled together just outside the door to her class. Their class. The class they also shared with Dawson. Perfect.
Kaylie straightened and breezed past the group as airily as she could manage carrying her unwieldy pile of books. She’d almost made it to her seat when her calculus book came crashing down to the floor. Turning with a heavy sigh, she kneeled to retrieve the book. Her eyes widened as two large feet barreled towards her bowed head. Looking up slowly, Kaylie swallowed hard at the owner of the feet. Pacey Witter peered down at her with a wary frown. “Sorry,” she whispered.
“Yeah.” Pacey stepped around her quickly. Kaylie watched him sit beside her desk as she rocked on her heels, still crouched over her math book. She stood, her knees wobbly, and was grateful to reach her small desk chair. Joey sat in front of Pacey and eyed Kaylie sideways.
A gentle hand brushed Kaylie’s shoulder as Dawson made his way to his seat in the corner of the classroom. A shiver coursed through her at the simple touch. Kaylie forced her eyes down to her book, the equations and numbers blurring together under her unfocused gaze. The bell ring signaled the end of class and she remained in her seat, frozen and silent. Seemingly alone.
“Are you okay?”
Kaylie looked up, surprised by the gentle tone, surprised further by the concerned gaze she found herself under. Joey sat in her desk, staring at her friend inquisitively. She bit her lower lip and her eyes brightened when met with Kaylie’s dark brown eyes. Kaylie barely had an idea of how to answer Joey’s question and nodded her head only out of habit.
there’s a lot of things i understand
and there’s a lot of things that i don’t wanna know
Joey frowned. “Really?” Kaylie’s eyes dropped to her desk.
“Pacey told you.” The statement was bland and toneless. There was no accusation, no guilt, no sadness. No emotion evident at all.
“No, actually,” Joey started, her expression worried, “but I was hoping you might.” She smiled quickly.
but you’re the only face i recognize
it’s so damn sweet of you to look me in the eyes
The silence filled the nearly empty classroom. “Tell you what?” Joey rolled her eyes and stared Kaylie down patiently. “Pacey and I...fought.”
“Duh.”
Kaylie wanted to run away. Right this minute. “I said something. Some things. I lied.”
“About?” Joey prompted hesitantly. She had seen things that night. Things Pacey had refused to discuss. She hoped Kaylie would explain that night to her. Had believed Pacey would too, but after several hours of stony silence, she’d given up asking him.
“It really doesn’t matter now,” Kaylie whispered hoarsely, the look of betrayal in Pacey’s eyes still floating before her own eyes.
it’s alright i’m okay
i think god can explain
i believe i’m the same
Joey stared at Kaylie. She was so collected. Her skin was clear, there were no patches of red from the stain of tears. Her eyes were dark, dull. Her hair was smooth and shiny, plaited into a long braid down her back. Her smile was grimly set. It was hard for Joey to match up this girl with the trembling, teary eyed one she’d glimpsed from a distance on the dock that night. It was hard to tell what Kaylie might be holding back. She was so calm. Joey worried her bottom lip between her teeth. A flash of Kaylie, her lips on Pacey, raced past Joey’s eyes. A twinge of jealousy was swallowed hesitantly.
Kaylie stared at her finger nails, scraping a cuticle critically. She heard Joey take a deep breath beside her. “Okay,” Joey whispered softly. She was so accepting it made Kaylie nauseous. Kaylie wished Joey had seen everything. She wished Joey would yell at her, hate her, make everything so much easier. She wished things could go back to the way they were before. She felt like she was constantly shaking. Actually, she thought, it feels like I’m falling. Like when sometimes you would be sitting and all of the sudden it felt like your whole body had dropped fifty feet. And you’d tremble at the sensation, knowing it wasn’t real, knowing you were in the same spot you’d been in a minute ago, but still feeling the fall. Kaylie felt the fall all the time.
i get carried away
“No.”
Joey’s eyebrows shot up. “No?”
“I kissed Pacey. I, I don’t think,” Kaylie started, fumbling on her words, “I’m not who I said I was.” Another fifty feet wouldn’t be so bad.
“I know,” Joey admitted.
it’s alright i’m okay
i think god can explain
Kaylie looked over, focusing on Joey for the first time. She looked tired, there were dark circles under her eyes. Kaylie dug a nail into her palm, a red half moon rising on her skin. “You saw?” Joey stared at her sadly. “I’m sorry.” It came out cold. Kaylie hid a wince as Joey blinked at her, shocked. She forced a raised eyebrow and a small smirk that felt foreign on her features. “Just watch,” she whispered under her breath.
i’m relieved
i’m relaxed
i’ll get over it
The two girls sat in the silence of the room. Then Kaylie stood. She eyed Joey tiredly. She was sick. Tired. And this was the way to end it. She turned and left the classroom quickly. Joey looked up from the desk her fingers had curled around to see the brown braid whip around as Kaylie’s head turned to the door. The girls’ eyes met for half a second before she turned. Joey sat alone in the empty classroom and knew one thing for sure. She needed to see Pacey.