My secret contact at Warner
Music has told me (confidentially, of course), that my favourite singer, Enya
™, will be releasing a very special CD to celebrate “The Decade of the Cat”
(cats are far too important just to have one year of worship, you know).
And here
are the tracks (confidentially, of course):
Track
1: A haunting instrumental called “The Cat in the Stream.” See, someone took a
cat on his boat once, and the cat fell overboard when they hit a lock, stock
and barrel. So this here is a watermark melody designed to reflect the wet
desperation of a cat who, through no geological fault of her own, ends up in a
steaming, er, streaming video.
Track
2: “Fur Balls on China Roses.” This is a real heart-wringer: it’s about a
lonely old lady who never gets real flowers so she buys some of them china ones
that never need watering and can also be used for serving soup to the many
homeless kittens who visit her. So, as time goes by and by, increasing numbers
of fur balls are left behind, and gather to play canasta on her china roses.
Yeah, that’s what fur balls do to pass the time of day before reproducing at
night – Mommy told me that once, though I sometimes think she’s one ace short
of a full deck.
Track 3: A song in Latin of
course, “Tempus Clawsum.” This one really rocks! See, all the cats in the world
plot to overthrow every government on Earth and install themselves as rulers of
every country, and even of Cyberspace and Loxia. Now, anyone who wanted to see
an edgy, Gothic Enya can just sink their remaining teeth into this – no more
Roma-nesque Enya here, no way – this is Enya Unclawed!
Track
4: “At the Orioles’ Window.” A hungry cat (well, aren’t they all?) sits
expectantly beside a window where the local Orioles play baseball. As she
dreams of “bird on a bun,” covered with hickory smoked BBQ sauce, and as she
drools like a dog (horrors!), the Orioles play on, oblivious to this lurking
threat to their entire season. Clearly a semaphore for the degree of
unawareness imbued in each sentient being as to the approach of the final
frontier where no man has gone before a woman has already been there.
Track
5: “A Day without Kittens.” This upbeat instrumental features Enya humming
along as her flying fingers tinkle out a hymn to the joy of mother cats whose
kids leave home, even if it’s only for an hour at the mall. What a sense of
joy, of liberation from litter boxes and endless pleas for more milk! This is a
day to put aside the Tylenol, kick back and read “Living with Martha Stewart’s
Cat.”
Track
6: “How Can I Keep From Sleeping?” A timeless, traditional song common in
Catmunities all over the world. Just watch your own eyes close as you listen to
this masterpiece of somnolent satisfaction and feel yourself drifting away,
away, away. (And, in a brilliant musical move, this song morphs into “I Will
Not Awaken,” a strong statement of the prime directive of felinity.)
Track
7: “Flora’s Tomcat.” Now we go Gothic again as Enya weaves a tale of a cat
named Tom in love with a catess named Flora. Having been turfed from their
respective houses by “flying shoes at midnight” (a great name for the rock
band, eh?), the singing pair wander into the long grass behind the corner gas
station to conduct their business as well as Rachmaninov’s Second Symphony. The
resulting catcophany reminds the listener of the discordant bars of Guinness’
First Draft.
Track
8: “The Memory of Fluffy.” Not what you think – nope, this not about a
cat gone to meet its Maker, but rather about an aging cat who cannot remember
where the food dish is! Oh, the frustration, the humiliation, the primal
HUNGER! But the song does end on a hopeful note: Fluffy reacquaints herself
with Mickey and Minnie Mouse.
Track
9: “The Book of Cats.” In a startling move, Enya is inspired by T S Eliot and
sings about cathood in all its variety and splendours, in all its triumph and
tragedy, in all its domination of the human species. The video is just amazing:
a parade of cats, up and down flights of endless stairs, all meowing at the
same time while a big clock ticks in the background, a cymbal of how little
time is left for humans to rule the world. See, the cats KNOW that the answer
is 42!!!
Track
10: “Deora ar mo cat.” Of course we have a Gaelic piece, did you doubt that?
Here Enya’s own cat sings of the longing she feels for other cats – her intense
need for at least 12 more of them in the castle. Her inner kitten is so lonely
that she even has imaginary children! Now who on earth would come up with an
imaginary child! Anyway, this is a soulful lament but I don’t really understand
a single word of it, yet.
Track
11: “Pax Catorum.” Yep, another Latin song as Enya displays her famous
linguistic abilities. Using a Gregorian Chant technique, she explicats the
inner peace and harmony brought by cats into the world of human beings and
other lower level species. As long as cats are worshipped, the universe shall
unfold as it should.
Track
12: (available only on Atlantis): “Cat Tails on the Water.” Yes, when Atlantis
sinked, sanked, sunked into the ocean, all you could see for miles (and even
kilometers) around were cat tails on the water. You see, the cats were smart
enough to put on life vests, while the humans of Atlantis went along blissfully
unaware that their continent was not content to continue to contain them. This
song is sung in Atlantean, which is the original language of all cats
everywhere, the UR-tongue they still love to use among themselves, but only
Roma knows this.
Well,
there you have it, and I bet you now understand why I am so excited and full of
beans! Oops, must run now…………………………….