"Little King" Shark, a well-known local Elvis impersonater, says he wants to entertain the troops "just like Bob Hope done."
His mamma, Bertha Mae Shark, done said never mind the disappointment over Lola Falana not bein' able to perform, Little King has more acts already signed on to be in his show and "they is bigger and better than Lola Falana." The Sharks wouldn't say who the acts is.
His pappy, Festus Joe Shark, done said he hopes the whole family can make the trip to entertain the troops, but they ain't so sure 'bout Cletus T., who is just like one o' them boy in the plastic bubble kids. "We's hoping Cletus can go with us," Mr. Shark said, "but we ain't sure yet if he can travel, bein' in the bubble an' all."
"Truth of it is," Mr. Shark added, "we ain't even right sure Cletus wants to go. He don't talk much."
"Our boys in the service got to stay strong and there's no better way to git proteen than milk an' cheese," said a dairy worker who only wanted to be identified as Bubba J.
"Them boys needs milk an' cheese an' cottage cheese an' string cheese an' sour cream fer their baked taters an' 'course they's probly gonna be gettin' choclate milk fer speshul events," Bubba J added. "I'm right proud that I gits to help keep them boys' bellies full."
"I'm plum proud of my Bubba J," said his wife, Thelma Jo. "I'm happy he gots a way to help in this here war besides his target shootin'."
Festus Jr. (who ain't no relation to the Sharks) and his brother Jeb the stutterin' boy done said they's gonna search the dump high and low to find anything they can that's red, white or blue. Then they's gonna make it all into a quilt that looks like a flag and send it off to New York.
"We got lots of Pabst Blue Ribbon cans," said Festus Jr. "They's just perfect for what we's plannin'."
"Bosephus is gonna help us," Jeb added. "He's always down to the dump anyway."
The idea done come from a little missionary girl who's been tryin' to be a good inflooince on the trailer park kids.
Scooter Ray, Minnie Sue, Lita Fay and Tanqueray (none of them wants to give their last names) figured the mammas and wives, and maybe even sisters and aunts, of the troops will need cheerin' up so they's gonna be sewin' curtains.
"We knew we needed a fancy name so folks'd take us serious," Tanqueray said. "So me and Minnie Sue and Lita Fay done stayed up all night til Curtains for the Cause popped into Minnie Sue's head."
"Then I done thought 'bout havin' Scooter Ray help us out cuz he knows 'bout curtains," added Lita Fay.
"When them families look out their windows thinkin' 'bout their boys overseas, they won't be so sad when they see the purty curtains 'round the windows," said Scooter Ray, local interior decorater.
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Mindy Lou Jackson done married Harry Bob Newton after her daddy said "You better marry her after what I heard 'bout Saturday night!" Mindy Sue said she was right happy her daddy didn't bring his shotgun to the ceremony. |
Ol' Jimmy Lee Bob Sherman, 93, fell offa that bisickel o' his one last time. He ain't got no family to speak of so no one done noticed he was missin' all weekend 'til Large Marge down to the diner thought it was odd that Jimmy Lee Bob didn't come in for his mornin' oatmeal. A search party done found him on the shortcut road he made leadin' from his trailer to the dump. |
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