Charles "Chick" Chapple: Man, what are you doing with a gun in space?

Charles "Chick" Chapple: Right before A.J.'s dad died he told you to take care of his son. I don't think shooting him is taking care of him.
Harry Stamper: I'm not gonna kill him, I'm just gonna shoot him in the leg. He can still work with one leg! Remember that one guy who worked all those years with one arm?
Chick "Chick" Chapple: Yep, but he wasn't very good.

F.B.I. Agent: Sir, we have a national security matter.
Rockhound: Good for you.

Rockhound: You want to compare brainpans. I won the Westinghouse prize when I was 12, big deal. Published at 19, so what. I got a double doctorate from MIT at 22, Chemistry and Geology. I taught at Princton for two and a half years. Why do I do this? Because the money's good, the scenery changes and they let me use explosives.

A.J. Frost: Have you ever heard of Evel Knievel?
Lev Andropov: No, I never saw Star Wars.

Grace Stamper: A.J. is my choice!
Harry S. Stamper: Choice? He's the only one here in your age bracket. That's not a choice, it's a lack of option.

President: We didn't see this thing coming?
Dan Truman: Well, our object collision budget allows us to track about 3% of the sky, and begging your pardon, but that's a big-ass sky.

Harry: How long have you worked for me, A.J.?
A.J.: Five wonderful years.
Harry: And in those five years you have never apologized to me this quickly, now what going on here?

Harry: Come on! You're NASA for Christ's sake! You're the ones who come up with this shit! Why I bet you have a bunch of guys sitting around somewhere right now just thinking shit up, and somebody backing them up. What's your contingency plan?
Truman: Our contingency plan?
Harry: Yeah, your back up plan. You've gotta have a back up plan.
Truman: No, we don't have a back up plan.

Karl: Sir, I'm retired navy, I know all about classified. But one more thing. The person who finds her gets to name her right?
Dan: Yes, yes that's right, that's right.
Karl: I wanna name her Dottie after my wife. She's a vicious life-sucking bitch from which there is no escape.

Lev Andropov: American components, Russian components, all made in Taiwan!

Grace Stamper: First time I got my period, Rock had to take me to Tai-Pei for Tampax. Then he had to show me how to use them.
[Off Harry's stern look]
Rockhound: I told her how to use them. I didn't show her, Harry.

[Rockhound is riding the bomb a la Dr. Strangelove.]
Colonel William Sharp: Get off... the nuclear... warhead.
Rockhound: Look, we've got front row tickets to the end of the earth!

A.J.: I'm gonna marry you
Grace Stamper: You bet your ass you are.