[Noticing Dr. Evil's spaceship on radar]
Radar Operator: Colonel, you better have a look at this radar.
Colonel: What is it, son?
Radar Operator: I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant--
Jet Pilot: Dick! Dick, take a look out of starboard.
Co-Pilot: Oh my God, it looks like a huge--
Bird-Watching Woman: Pecker!
Bird-Watching Man: [raising binoculars] Where?
Bird-Watching Woman: Over there. What sort of bird is that? Oh goodness, it's not a bird, it's--
Army Sergeant: Privates! We have reports of an Unidentified Flying Object. It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with--
Baseball Umpire: Two balls! [looking up from game] What is that? It looks just like an enormous--
Colonel: Johnson!
Radar Operator: Yes, sir?
Colonel: Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this.

Scott: If you've got a time machine, why don't you just go back and kill Austin Powers when he's sitting on the crapper or something?

Dr. Evil: As you know, every diabolical scheme I've hatched has been thwarted by Austin Powers. And why is that, ladies and gentlemen?
Scott: Because you never kill him when you get the chance, and you're a dope?

Austin: How could you sleep with Fat Bastard?
Felicity: I was just doing my duty, Austin. I had to.
Austin: No, I mean, literally, HOW could you sleep with him? He's so fat! The mechanics of it is just mind-boggling!

Dr. Evil: You're not quite evil enough. You're semi-evil. You're quasi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil, just one calorie, not evil enough.

[Driving on a supposedly English road, clearly *not* filmed on location.]
Austin Powers: You know what's remarkable? That England looks in no way like Southern California.

Felicity Shagwell: Felicity Shagwell. Shagwell by name, shag-very-well by reputation.

Number Two: Dr. Evil, wouldn't it be easier to use your knowledge of the future to play the stock market? We could literally make trillions!
Dr. Evil: Why make trillions when we could make... billions?

President: C'mon, let me nuke that bastard.
Commander Gilmour: You want to blow up the moon?
President: Would you really miss it that much?

Woman: Oh my god, look at that! It looks just like my husband's--
Carnival Worker: ONE-EYED MONSTER! Come see the One-eyed Monster!
One Eyed Monster: Oh my god, it's a giant--
Chinese Teacher: Wang! pay attention!
Wang: Sorry, sir I was distracted by that giant flying--
Fan: Woody! Woody Harrelson! Could I have your autograph?

Dr. Evil: [deep voice] Austin, I'm your father
Austin: Really?
Dr. Evil: No, I can't back that up.

Dr. Evil: Mini-me, you complete me.

Dr. Evil: Talk to the hand, 'cause the face don't wanna hear it anymore.
The President: What hand?
Dr. Evil: You aren't all that and a bag of potato chips.
The President: What are you talking about?
Dr. Evil: Don't go there, girlfriend.
The President: Whose girlfriend?
Dr. Evil: Don't mess with me. I'm one crazy mo fo. I onced popped a cop cause he wasn't giving my props in Oak town. I've heard that somewhere.

[Dr. Evil sings to Mini Me, to the tune of "Just the Two of Us"]
Dr. Evil: From the moment I heard Frau
say I had a clone,
I knew that I'd be safe cuz I'd never be alone.
An evil doctor shouldn't speak aloud about his feelings,
my hurt and my pain don't make me too appealing.
I'd hoped Scott would look up to me,
run the business of the family,
head an evil empire just like his dear old dad,
give him my love and the things I never had.
Scott would think I was a cool guy,
return the love I have,
make me want to cry,
be evil,
but have my feelings too,
change my life with Oprah and Maya Angelou.
But Scott rejected me,
c'est la vie,
life is cruel,
treats you unfairly,
even so, a God there must be,
Mini Me, you complete me.

Scott: Look, I was wondering if we could work all this out? You are, after all, my father.
Dr Evil: Scott, you had your chance, okay? I've already had someone created in my image. He's evil, he wants to take over the world, and he fits easily into most overhead storage bins.
Scott: Him? Look at him, he's crazy! He's like a vicious little Chihuahua thing. He'll kill me the first chance he gets.
Dr Evil: Probably.

Austin: Let's hop on the good foot and do the bad thing!

Fat Bastard: I've got more chins than a Chinese phonebook.