Austin Powers: Jimi Hendrix deceased, drugs. Janis Joplin deceased, alcohol. Mama Cass deceased, ham sandwich.

Scott: It's no hassle--
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott: But--
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott: I'm--
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott: All I'm say--
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott: There gonna get a--
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott: I'm--
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott: I'm just--
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott: Would--
Dr. Evil: Sh! ...Knock-knock.
Scott: Who's there?
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott: But--
Dr. Evil: Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh! Sh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive "sh!" Now, I have a whole bag of "sh!" with your name on it.

[Holding his cat, "Mr. Bigglesworth."]
Dr. Evil: When I get angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset... people die!

[Returning Austin's personal property after reanimating him.]
Guard: One Swedish-made penis enlarger.
Austin: [to Vanessa] That's not mine.
Guard: One credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis enlarger signed by Austin Powers.
Austin: I'm telling ya baby that's not mine.
Guard: One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by Austin Powers.
Austin: I don't even know what this is! This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.
Guard: One book, "Swedish-made Penis Enlargers And Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag Baby," by Austin Powers.

Austin Powers: Only sailors use condoms, baby.
Vanessa Kensington: Not in the nineties, Austin.
Austin Powers: Well they should, those filthy beggars, they go from port to port.

Dr. Evil: Scott, I want you to meet daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers
Scott Evil: What? Are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him?
Dr. Evil: I have an even better idea. I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.

[Dr. Evil has left Austin and Vanessa to their doom.]
Scott Evil: Wait, aren't you even going to watch them? They could get away!
Dr. Evil: No, no, no. I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying. I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. ...What?

Scott Evil: I was thinking I like animals. Maybe I'd be a vet.
Dr. Evil: An evil vet?
Scott Evil: No! Maybe like work in a petting zoo.
Dr. Evil: An evil petting zoo?
Scott Evil: You always do that!

Dr. Evil: The details of my life are quite inconsequential. My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy - the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really.

[Austin and Vanessa see a man decapitated.]
Austin Powers: Not the time to lose one's head.
Vanessa: No.
Austin Powers: That's not the way to get ahead in life.
Vanessa: No.
Austin Powers: It's a shame he wasn't more headstrong.
Vanessa: Hmm.
Austin Powers: He'll never be the head of a major corporation.
Vanessa: Okay, that'll do.
Austin Powers: Okay.

U.N. Repressentative: So, Mr. Evil -
Dr. Evil: It's Dr. Evil, I didn't spend six years in Evil Medical School to be called "mister," thank you very much.

Austin: Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby, yeah, do I?

Scott: I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab!
Dr. Evil: Scott, that hurts daddy when you say that. Honestly.

Austin Powers: What exactly do you do, Mr. Number Two?
Number Two: That's my business. Now if you'll excuse, I have to go to the little boys' room.