Stifler: I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking USE them!

Jim: You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.

Jim: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
Kevin: You want to take this one?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Like warm apple pie.
Jim: Yeah?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah.
Jim: Apple pie, huh?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Uh huh.
Jim: McDonald's or homemade?

Jim: She's gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!

Michelle: And this one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy.
Jim: [Choking on his beer.] Excuse me?
Michelle: What, you don't think I know how to get myself off? Hell, that's what half of band camp is... sex-ed! So, are we gonna screw soon? 'Cause I'm getting kinda antsy.

Steve Stifler: I'll see you guys tonight, in the "No Fucking Section," right?