Melissa: Hi, I'm Melissa Robinson.
Ace Ventura: Pleasure to meet you.
Melissa: Did you have any trouble getting in?
Ace Ventura: No, the guy with the rubber glove was surprisingly gentle.

Marino: Hey Ace, got anymore of that gum?
Ace: That's none of your damn business and I'll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs.

Ace: Yo, Ron! Where's the bathroom?
Ronald Camp: Right over there.
Ace: [groaning] I think it's the pate. Stuff probably looks better on the way out!

Melissa: You know, you're just mad because your stupid little pebble theory didn't work out and you don't know how to express your anger.
Ace Ventura: Oh yeah? And you're ugly.

Lois Einhorn: Listen, pet dick. How would you like me to make your life a living hell?
Ace Ventura: Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking. Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number's still 911? All righty then.

Lois Einhorn: Ventura, when I get out of that bathroom, you better be gone!
Ace Ventura: Is it number one or number two? I just want to know how much time I have.

Ace: If I'm not back in five minutes... just wait longer!

Mr. Shickadance: Ventuuurrraaa!
Ace: Yes, Satan?

Ray: What's the password?
Ace: New England Clam Chowder.
Ray: The red or the white?
Ace: Damn, I can never remember that part!

Ace: Yes, I was in Fickle's room. It's quite pleasant if you're Hannibal Lector.