Welcome to American Airlines Flight Service to Oblivion

Please store all carry-ons in the overhead bin and keep all hands and feet inside the plane during take-off and landing. After take-off our crew will offer some alcoholic beverages. Accept them all and chug. You will also be supplied with a complimentary bag of stale ¢®@þ. As you can see we have inconveniently located all windows in the cabin. In an emergency, we will all dive out of the windows.