by Yuri Narula
Lately the most painful thorn in my side has been my students' inability to play a game that requires basic world knowledge. These students need to know, for example, that Delhi is a city in India ... that the Olympics started in Greece ... that such a thing exists as Mt Everest. Although the most basic tenets of common knowledge have eluded these students, they know EVERYTHING, in detail, about America. Well not exactly, but they know who Bill Gates is, they know which coast LA is on (but don't know which country Toronto is in), they can name not only the current president but also the past two, and they know who Britney Spears' ex-boyfriend is. Obviously, this all means that non-Americans aren't doing a very good job of spreading the cultural jewels of their countries.
With that in mind, I feel compelled to bring to you a part of Canadian culture unknown to many non-Canadians. Not poutine or touques (words not recognized by spell-check programs), not the fact that the CN Tower is the tallest free standing tower in the world, not even the story behind the $2 coin being called a "toonie."
No - I bring you the Newfie joke. There are knock-knock jokes, priest jokes, chicken jokes, nerd jokes, sex jokes, blond jokes, and the ever-popular Michael Jackson jokes, but did you know that there is a whole genre of joke dedicated to the Newfie? I wasn't sure if fame of the Newfie extended outside the borders of Canada, but it seems like most people know that a Newfie is a person from Newfoundland**. A lot of people think Canada is a friendly, considerate, and rather neutral country, but Canadians can be bullies just like the rest of the world. Sadly, we have chosen to direct our efforts towards a quirky group of our own, instead of banding together against the oddities of other nations.
Basically the premise behind every Newfie joke is that the Newfie is stupid beyond belief. You can pretty much replace any blond with a Newfie and have just as many laughs. I'm not sure exactly why Newfoundlanders were picked. Maybe it's cus they're kind of on the fringe of the country ... but then, what about those provinces and territories up north? You never hear people tell the one about that guy from Iqualuit (unless we're making jokes about Angus ... but that's a different matter completely). Maybe it's because Newfies talk weird. But then what about all the Frenchies in Quebec? Alas, I don't have all the answers.
But, I just thought the rest of you guys might want to know aboot it. I leave you with some favourites:
-Did you hear about the Newfie who was killed while ice fishing? He was run over by the zamboni!
-How do you drive a Newfie crazy? Stick him in a round room, and tell him to sit in the corner!
-Did you hear about the Newfie terrorist who tried to blow up a school bus? He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe!
-Did you hear about the Newfie that tried to hijack a train? He puts a gun to the engineer's head and says, "Okay buddy, turn 'er around!"
-Did you hear about the Newfie who died while drinking milk? The cow fell on him.
Best answers to the question, "What is a Newfie?" (unedited)
-Since this is owiously a canadian thing...i racked my brain and came up with this: a person from new foundland? or not... anyway, it's def not something i've heard before.
-To me it sounds like a kind of nickname for a food??? (Maybe I'm thinking too much about my craving for fig newtons...)
-Is it like a boob? boobie? ok, dont print that please.
-I got it! its someone from new finland... however its spelled... im right arent i!
-I'm guessing it's someone from Newfoundland. But I have no idea what that implies... If not that, then something like a "newbie" maybe.
-I have no idea! I'll take a guess and say a "fob"? Someone who just immigrated into a country?
-Sounds like a little nerf-like/beanbaggish ball that you play newfum with.
-A Newfie is a person who comes from Newfoundland and speaks with a strange accent-stranger than the average Canadian accent, so I've been told... heh!heh!
-I know that the newfie is a word to describe someone from Newfoundland. It is used (mostly) playfully and not maliciously although most of the newfie jokes I have heard are similar to Polak (Polish) jokes spun in America, and maybe Canada too. The newfie inventions: A submarine with screen doors, a solar powered flashlight, and so on. Every culture, eh, needs someone to dump on, eh? I'm just glad the Yanks got the Polaks and the Canuks (oops, did I just say that?)
-I have not a clue what this "newfie" word might mean! My guess is that it's someone who's obsessed with the whole notion of "newness"/the elusive in a goofy, possibly paranoid, kind of way!!!
*I'm not saying it's ok to make Newfie jokes (or even Angus jokes). I'm just saying that people do.
**Newfoundland: a province on the east coast of Canada, aptly named, as it was one of the first overseas British colonies.