Souls in Stir - Eleventh Edition
NO TITLE
submitted by Dave White, author unknown
(inmate)
Pray, don't find fault with the man
Whom limps and stumbles along the road,
Unless you have worn the shoes he wears
Or struggled beneath his load.
There may be tacks in his shoes that hurt,
Though hidden away from view;
And the burden he bears, placed on your back,
Might cause you to stumble, too.
Don't sneer at the person who is down today
Unless you have felt the blow
That caused his fall, or felt the shame
That only the fallen know.
You may be strong, but still, the blows that were his,
If dealt to you at the self-same time,
In the self-same way,
Might cause you to stagger, too.
Don't be too hard on the man that sins,
Or pelt him with word or stone
Unless you are sure - yes doubly sure-
That you have no sins of your own.
For you know, perhaps
If the tempter's voice should whisper
As soft as it did to him when he went astray,
It might cause you to falter, too.
Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault,
You, who are spiritual, restore such a one,
In the spirit of meekness, considering yourself,
Lest you also, be tempted.
The best gift you can give to your children is your time.
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Our minds are like parachutes, if they are not opened, they do not work.-Brian Polley-
(inmate)
OUT OF DARKNESS THROUGH JESUS CHRIST
A Testimony by Johnny Duran
(inmate)
August 2, 2001
My name is Johnny Alberto Duran, born and raised in the streets of Otay and later brought up on San Ysidro. I'm 36 years of age and I am serving a 15 year sentence for assault with a deadly weapon with great bodily injury. I started down this reckless way of lifestyle at the ripe age of 13, I thought I knew all about the pros and cons.
The first years of my life I grew up playing on dirt roads, we were poor and basically my mother had it tough, with ten mouths to feed.
By 1969 we had moved to ('Sidro's) Villa Nueva apartments and most all of my older sisters had moved out from mom's household, as had my father.
In the projects I became real familiar with all the other youngsters of my age group. I noticed a sense of togetherness, so I kicked it 24/7, Tu Sabes? Dressing down in my bonarooscees, cruising, drinking, huffing paint, smoking weed and taking Pingas (Reds) and all that crazy stuff which led me to juvenile hall. First for minor offenses, then came the armed robberies, kidnaping, attempted murder as well as burglary and many more assaults.
Back then I wouldn't hesitate to pop a few caps on my street rivals. I thought life was easy (like all youngsters in their early years). I wanted to make a name for myself. Little did I know at that time, that being well known would eventually work against me. I started shooting dope at the age of sixteen, about the same time I met Gloria who also bore me two daughters and a son. But, as always, I wasn't grateful. Not satisfied with what I had. So I continued down this rocky road of crime, drugs, prison and of course women whenever I was out on parole.
As I said earlier, I'm in prison serving a fifteen year sentence. But what I didn't mention was, the person I assaulted was the person I loved most. My ex-wife, Gloria! While constantly keeping in my prayers that she would come to forgive me some day.
While in prison everyone wants to have some kind of say so, Whether you are hitting "grogas", running the yard, or just a person on the mesa (running a block). But, like always, I was a menace to society, a menace in my own home and now ISU was tagging me and slamming me down for having ties to the "clica" (EME), as well as running dope for them and being their enforcer in which led me to the "ollo".
I was attached to an organization who later turned on me. Orders came that I was to be "taken out". I barely survived. After all this I felt a real sense of emptiness. I had a lot of hate and anger bottled up within myself and one day, during mail call, I received a letter from my brother Louie who, six to nine months earlier, had turned his life over to Jesus Christ.
Now, I never even had read a Bible in my life, but through my brother's letter it sank deep within my heart that my Lord and Savior was working through his life in order for me to get a firm grip on my own. So, low and behold, I asked one of the free staff (who walk the tiers) if she could hustle me up a Bible. The very next day she slid one under my door.
I didn't have any kind of understanding of what I was reading, but I always had a sense that God was real. I came upon a passage (Matthew 13:1-9). I prayed that I didn't want to be the seed that fell on the wayside, nor the seed that fell on the stony places, or even the plant who had no root. I wanted to grow on good ground and bring forth fruit some hundred-fold, some sixty-fold, some thirty-fold - He who hath ears to hear, let him hear.
It's been hard at times because of all theat Jesus has done for me, and I wouldn't want to do anything to dishonor His name. There is so many scriptures that I've been encouraged by, and I know this one will encourage you . . ( John 6:37) says, " All that comes to me, and Him, the Father giveth me, shall come to me. And him that cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out."
I've come to a point where I've seen the Lord's blessings. Lamentations3:25 says "The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him."
I know I will never be all that God intended me to be, nor do I claim to know all that Jesus wants me to know, but I thank God I'm not the man I used to be. Although I walk through the valley in the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for the Lord God is with me and far greater is He that is within me, than he that is in the world.
I realize that a lot of people think Christians are weak. I once had my daughter ask me if anybody says anything negative about my walk with Christ. My response was, and still is, those who think that way are actually the ones who are blinded of Christ, weak and deaf and lame.
Isaiah 43:10 says, "Ye are my witnesses, saith the Lord and my servant whom I have chose, that ye may know and believe me and understand that I am He and before me there was no God formed, neither shall there be after me." Matthew 7:24 says, "Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock.:
That rock, my brothers and sisters, is our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
READ THE BIBLE -- ROMANS 10:9-10
TEARS OF JOY
By Lawrence Cottle
(inmate)
Through all of my trials and tribulations that I had to bare
I finally came to realize that God was always there.
The Bible says, "Submit to all governing authorities" for they are from God.
And this is what I did when I left Joe's Apaio's Pod.
The prosecution came with nine years, four years, then finally three.
Then all of a sudden the Holy Spirit spoke, "Submit", then I knew God had set me
free.
Free from worrying, free from agony, not knowing what the jury would say.
So I set my foolish pride aside and let God have His merciful way.
There's power in a number and a mystery we will never know.
It started at the foundation from the Heavens to below.
When God said, "Let there be.", the creations started to form.
Then after Adam, man was born.
God instilled in us the spirit and the will to serve Him,
But those who turn away, woe unto them.
I was one of those persons who led that prideful life.
Now I'm glad that I responded to end the painful strife.
There are times we must pay for the crimes of the world,
But I shall never worry for God's word is like a precious pearl.
So as I go my way to complete the years at hand,
I'll always remember and rejoice, knowing that God is in command.
On Thing the Bible tells us, that God's word does not return "void".
So this is why I shed those precious tears of joy!
MANSLAUGHTER
A man charged with murder bribed a friend on the jury to hold out for a verdict of manslaughter. The jury was out for a long period of time, but at last brought in a verdict of manslaughter.
Upon visiting the prisoner the following week, the friend was thanked. "You must have had a tough time getting them to vote for manslaughter."
"Tough is right." replied the friend. "The other eleven wanted to acquit you."
Please see our pen-pal listing on the pages provided for that purpose
GOD'S WINGS
Submitted by Bonnie Atkinson, author unknown
An article in National Geographic several years ago provided a penetrating picture of God's wings. After a forest fire in Yellowstone National Park, forest rangers began their trek up a mountain to assess the inferno's damage. One ranger found a bird literally petrified in ashes, perched statuesquely on the ground at the base of a tree. Somewhat sickened by the eerie sight, he knocked over the bird with a stick. When he gently struck it, three tiny chicks scurried from under their dead mother's wings. The loving mother, keenly aware of impending disaster, had carried her offspring to the base of the tree and had gathered them under her wings, instinctively knowing that the toxic smoke would rise. She could have flown to safety but had refused to abandon her babies. Then the blaze had arrived and the heat had scorched her small body, the mother had remained steadfast. Because she had been willing to die, those under the cover of her wings would live.
He will cover you with His feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge." (Psalm 91:4)
Being loved this much should make a difference in your life. Remember the One who loves you, and then be different because of it.
If a man cannot be a Christian in the place where he is, he cannot be a Christian anywhere.
HENRY WARD BEECHER
Please see our Prayer Page.
MY TESTIMONY
By Sheila Proutt
(inmate)
Life started out on a sour note for me. I was adopted, half white, half black, no parents and born in the late 50's. I was adopted by a couple that were 50 years older than I. I had all that money could buy. Of course money doesn't buy love, and that I never had. I was raised in the Catholic Church, going to Catholic schools most of my life. I did well in school and graduated from high school in 1973. I went into the Air Force after graduation and had a good career there. I married before I got out of the Air Force. My husband and I settled in Fort Worth and began to build a family and home. From the outside everything would appear to be just fine. But on the inside I was miserable. I had been miserable all my life. All my life I was out of whack. I never seemed to fit in - anywhere. I was always trying to please everyone: mother, father, husband, children, teachers, bosses, friends, just anybody that would pay any attention to me. But I never fit in no matter how hard I tried to please people. The hole that was in my spirit grew larger and larger. People always disappointed me. They never lived up to the expectations that I thought they should. Especially since I was doing so much to please them. They should at least do what I asked or expected from them. But they never did. The men used me. The women hated me and everyone betrayed me.
My marriage wasn't what I thought it should be and I began to search for a way out. I couldn't dream of divorce, I had too much invested. One night an old friend came over to my house and asked me to run a night club for him. I agreed. I thought that I could have a lot of fun and have a break from my marriage at the same time. It was my way out without having to get out. Before long I was having so much fun. Things were great, or so I thought. Soon I was living two lives. I had completely abandoned my family at home and was living full time at the club. I soon got into a relationship with a drug dealer. He and I lived together and I was selling drugs and living it up. But things didn't last. He and I broke up and in my depression, I used drugs to cover up the pain of another failure.
At this time I had at all -- money, things, - and I thought that these things would cover up the pain, but they didn't. I used more and more. Smoking cocaine and drinking every minute that I was awake. It didn't take long to smoke up everything I owned. I began to hit the streets. Soon I was a prostitute and drug addict on the streets. Doing whatever I had to do to get the drugs. I stole from my mother, children, family, relatives and anyone else that would drop their guard long enough for me to get something from them. I hurt my children so much. They couldn't believe the woman that I had become. All they could do was to play like I wasn't their mother. If they saw me, they turned their heads in pain. Soon, I wasn't welcome in my family's home. I couldn't be trusted.
I would hear this little voice. It would say: "You are going to die on the street, a drug addict and a prostitute." But then, in my despair, I would hear this small, soft voice say: "No, you're not. No, you're not." That voice kept my hope alive that someway, somehow, I would be changed because I did not like the woman that I had become. I longed to be back home with my children at Christmas, making cakes and cooking dinner and having birthday parties with my family.
I was rescued August 19, 1997, and I gave my life totally to God October 2, 1997. When I was first arrested, I was so disgusted with myself that I refused to pray. I told God I am too disgusted with myself God, so I know how You must feel. But God, (I love those two words), had a plan and a purpose for my life. He always had a plan. I was the one that didn't know where I was going. But today I do. I have spent the most beautiful years of my life in prison. I have enjoyed it, because I spent it with my Savior, Jesus. They told me that I was in prison, but that's not what I called it. I called it "time alone with God." Jesus called His disciples to come aside. He calls us too, to come aside. To spend time with Him to recuperate from the sin that we have been engaged in. Time alone with Him so that we can renew our minds
with the Word of God. I want to encourage all those that read this to take this time in prison to get to know God. Put all known sin out of your life. Just make up in your mind that you are going to live a Holy life. Put down EVERYTHING but the Bible. It costs something to follow Jesus. It costs your time, your pleasures, your desires, your wants, your 'you'. You must be willing to give it all up. ALL. But the rewards are beyond anything you could imagine. He is more precious than fine gold. And He lasts a lot longer. God bless all my sisters and brothers in Christ behind the bars and fences. I love you and if anyone wants to write, please do. I am praying for the Body of Christ in prisons all over the world.
Editor's note: Sheila's address, for those wanting to write her, is included in the pen-pal section.
NATURAL HEALERS
By Joseph Pulliam
(inmate)
When I was conceived in the abode of your womb
Your internal body sustained me.
When I was brought forth into a world wholly new
The sound of your voice-intuitively familiar-would comfort me.
When some nuisance of this world agitated me,
You held my head firmly against your breasts,
And the rhythmic beat of your heart
Would sooth me.
And with these same twin beacons of tender warmth
You would nourish me.
Nurtured by your particular love - I have grown into a man
Sound in body and mind.
Now, as I contemplate the years gone by. . .
I am deeply moved by remembrances of your compassion.
Is there any great wonder then
As to why science --
With all her glory,
Pales --
In light of the innate caring of:
NATURAL HEALERS.
When you have to make a choice and don't make it, that in itself is a choice. . . .
William James.
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Christ sends none away empty but those who are full of themselves.
LIFE'S LESSONS
By P. Craig Gavalas
(released)
I learned as the years roll onward and I leave the past behind,
That much I had counted sorrow, but proves that God is kind.
That many a flower I'd longed for had a hidden thorn of pain,
And may a rugged by-path let to a field of ripened grain.
The clouds that cover the sunshine, they cannot banish sin,
And then earth shines out the brighter when the weary rain is thin.
We must stand in the deepest shadow to see the clearest light
And often through wrong's own darkness, comes the weary strength of right.
The sweetest rest is at eve'n, after a wearisome day,
When the heavy burden of labor has been borne from our hearts away.
And those who have never known sorrow cannot know the infinite peace,
That falls on a troubled spirit when it sees, at last, relief.
We must live through the dreary winter if we would value spring,
And the woods must be cold and silent before the robins sing.
The flowers must be buried in darkness before they can bud and bloom,
And the sweetest, warmest sunshine comes after the storm and gloom.
A TESTIMONY
written by Erick Wickliffe (inmate) and
Submitted by Ben Shepherd
(inmate)
"Before receiving Christ I lived and thought another way."
Greetings from Erick Wickliffe. Born and raised in South Central L.A.. To see me here and now you would not believe that I came from one of the largest, well respected families of Watts.
My parents are upstanding Christian citizens and there has never been, nor has ever been since, any better parents. They are both veterans of over thirty years at the same job. Since my infancy and through high school I was an exemplary student and athlete. I did well enough to receive a scholarship to Cal. Poly, S.L.O. in California. For one year my story was a success. A future in sports was gaining much acknowledgment, and there were awards academically. All this success was coming to me, a young black man from Watts.
Everyone knows that Watts is a place where death of the innocence is a daily occurrence, with drive-by shootings, gangs, drugs, killings, and police violence. The movie, "Boys in the Hood", was the softest tale ever told about life in Watts. That is to say, comparing to the real Watts.
But fall I did! Why did I throw everything away?
The hardest thing to accept is the fact that, not only did I hurt my loving parents and son, but all my friends as well.
I received a sentence of fifteen years to life for killing another human being. Even though it was in self defense, I should not have been there.
The guilt of it all would have been too much to bear as maturity, time, and reality sank in if I had not finally received Jesus Christ's Holy Spirit into my life.
While visiting with my mother in early '93, I spoke intimately with her about the guilt I was feeling. She asked me if I wanted to be forgiven and I said, "Yes".
She had me get onto my knees and ask Jesus to forgive me. As I did tears of sorrow filled my eyes along with purist joy as I received Jesus Christ into my life. Amen.
Not only has God granted me the courage and strength to stand up as his child at CMC, but He has given me the power to keep pushing on, reading and studying His living Word. He keeps on showing me the comfort of prayer that guides me in the Way of Life here and now upon this earth.
It is funny how He has changed my life so much. No longer do I feel anger, or so much guilt. My society has become one of brothers and sisters in Christ, prayer, gratitude, and wholesome humility. Since 1990, eleven years ago, God is my shepherd and a real cornerstone and I am very grateful.
"Today He Has Blessed Me By:"
Giving me a close, beautiful relationship with Him, my parents, family, friends, and especially myself. He has blessed me by allowing me to continue to stay here at CMC and to take advantage of all the positive things this place has to offer a person who really wants to make big changes in his life.