Nike Tech Support
With Apologies to Nike and Converse
Tech: Nike Technical
support, what seems to be the problem?
Cust: I just bought a new cross
trainer, and it doesn't fit.
Tech: Well, what size do you wear?
Cust: I
don't know, my mom always bought my shoes but they've always fit
before.
Tech: I'm sorry, but you'll probably need to go to a licensed shoe
vender and have them find out what size your feet are, then call us back.
Tech: Nike Technical support, what seems to be the problem?
Cust: I have
your XJ300 and it doesn't make me run faster like it does on TV.
Tech: XJ300?
Are you sure it's a Nike shoe?
Cust: Yes I'm sure, I bought it! I'm not an
idiot.
Tech: No one said you were an idiot sir, I apologize for any
misunderstanding.
Cust: That's better.
Tech: Ok, now look on the side of
your shoe, and read what it says.
Cust: X - J - 3 - 0 - 0.
Tech: And after
that.
Cust: C - O - N - V - E - R - S - E.
Tech: Ok, I'm sorry, but that's
not one of our shoes, you'll have to call Converse to get your problem
resolved.
Cust: FINE! If you can't solve my problem, I'll talk to someone
that can! [click]
Tech: Idiot...
Tech: Nike Technical support, what seems to be the problem?
Cust: My shoes
won't stay on my feet.
Tech: Well, do you have your shoe laces tied?
Cust:
My what?
Tech: Those strings on the sides of your shoes, they need to be
tied.
Cust: Well, why didn't they just come tied? I didn't pay $60 to get an
unfinished shoe!
Tech: Nike Technical support, what seems to be the problem?
Cust: My shoes
aren't comfortable.
Tech: Can you describe uncomfortable a little
better?
Cust: Yeah, it feels like my feet are bring pushed in weird
directions.
Tech: Do you have your shoes on the correct feet?
Cust: Who's
feet are they supposed to be on?
Tech: No, I mean is the left shoe on the
left foot, and the right shoe on the right foot?
Cust: How can I tell the
difference?
Tech: Nike Technical support, what seems to be the problem?
Cust: I don't
like my shoes, I want to take them back.
Tech: No problem, do you still have
the receipt?
Cust: I never got one.
Tech: Are you sure? All stores are
required to give receipts...
Cust: Oh, well I didn't get this at a store, I
got it at a garage sale.
Tech: I'm sorry, that's what we call an OEM shoe,
since it wasn't sold by us, you need to contact the person you got the shoes
from.
Cust: But it's your shoe! They didn't make it, you did! This sucks...
Tech: Nike Technical support, what seems to be the problem?
Cust: Your XJ300
doesn't work right.
Tech: XJ300? Didn't I just talk to you?
Cust:
[click]
Tech: Idiot...