Todays Horoscope
This will not be updated daily.
Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 19)
You are conservative and afraid of taking
risks. You don't do much of anything and you are lazy. There has never been a
Capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still for too long
as they take root and become trees.
Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined
to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to
be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes over and over
again. People think you are stupid.
Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
You have a vivid imagination and often think
you are being followed by the CIA or FBI. You have minor influence over your
associates and people resent your flaunting of your power. You lack confidence
and you are generally a coward. Pisces people do terrible things to small
animals.
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
You are the pioneer type and hold most people in
contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are not
very nice.
Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)
You are practical and persistent. You have a
dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are bull headed.
You are a Communist.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker.
People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect
too much for too little. This means you are cheap. Geminis are known for
committing incest.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to
other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting
things off. That's why you'll never make anything of yourself. Most welfare
recipients are cancer people.
Leo (July 23 - Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Other think
you are pushy. Most Leo people are bullies. You are vain and dislike honest
criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieves.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder.This
nitpicking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and
sometimes fall asleep while making love. Virgos make good bus drivers.
Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult
time with reality. If you are a man, you are more than likely gay. Chances for
employment and monetary gains are excellent. Most Libra women are prostitutes.
all Libra people die of Venereal disease.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
You are shrewed in buisness and cannot be
trusted. You will achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of
ethics. Most Scorpio people are murdered.
Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You
have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of
Sagittarians are drunks or dope fiends or both. People laugh at you a great
deal.