Court Quotes

Most language is spoken language, and in most words, once they are uttered, vanish forever into the air. But such is not the case with language spoken during courtroom trials, for there exists an army of courtroom reporters whose job it is to take down and preserve every statement made during the proceedings.
"Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?"
"Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?"
Q: "Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet."
Q: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. the autopsy started about 8:30pm.
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, you stupid _____, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!"
Q: What is your brother-in-laws name?
A: Borofkin.
Q: What's his first name?
A: I can't remember.
Q: He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?
A: No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first name!
Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
A: I refuse to answer that question.
Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
A: I refuse to answer that question.
Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
A: No.
Q: Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By Death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
A: No, I said he was shot in the lower lumbar region.
Q: And who is this person you are speaking of?
A: My ex-widow.
Q: How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?
A: Well, a gal down the road had several of her children by Dr. Cherney, and said he was really good.
Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
A: I will be three months pregnant November 8th.
Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th.
A: Yes.
Q: What were you and your husband doing at that time?
Q: Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you are emotionally unstable?
A: I should be.
Q: How many times have you comitted suicide?
A: Four times.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies have been preformed on dead people.
Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q: Did he kill you?
A: No.
The Court: Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.
Q: Did he pick up the dog by the ears?
A: No.
Q: What was he doing with the dog's ears?
A: Picking them up in the air.
Q: Where was the dog at this time?
A: Attached to the ears.
Q: And lastly, Gary, all of your responses must be oral. O.K.? What school do you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
A: She is my daughter.
Q: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?
Q: Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?
Q: Could you see him from where you were standing?
A: I could see his head.
Q: And where was his head?
A: Just above his shoulders.
Q: ...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial...?
A: The victim lived.
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: Yes, I have been since early childhood.
Q: The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiassed, objective witness, isn't it. You too were shot in the fracas?
A: No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.
Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present?
A: It indicates intercourse.
Q: Male sperm?
A: That is the only kind I know.
Q: (Showing man picture) That's you?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: And were you present when the picture was taken, right?
Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
A: I have only one, you know.
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