Return of the Snowboard
I'm told that I went snowboarding Monday. That's not usually something people have to tell you, but none the less this is what I was told. Now normally I would argue that I in fact did not go, seeing as I had no recollection of doing this, but something just didn't seem to mesh. Perhaps it was the fact that I was wearing snowboard boots, which I didn't remember putting on, or now that I looked at them, recognize at all. Maybe it was the way my brother and his friend Amy had to go up to Loveland to retrieve my snowboard and car. Or perhaps it was just the way that I couldn't remember anything that had happened to me in the past week and kept finding weird medical tags stuck all over my body in places I certainly didn't want anyone attaching things. These among other things lead me to believe that maybe, just maybe, I did go snowboarding. I suppose the rest of the story is possible too, that somehow I had been in some horrible accident which gave me amnesia and left with a few scars on my face and bruises all over my body.
Possible, but it's not true. It's also possible I was abducted by aliens who gave me an anal probe and wiped my memory, but that didn't happen either. After some deductive research on my own I think I have learned that I was not in fact snowboarding, and in actuality I am a deep cover agent for the CIA. You read about people like us all the time. We live lives just like everyone else until the government needs us and then they activate us with a secret code word and we turn into inhuman fighting machines. That's what happened to me and the snowboarding story is just a clever cover up. I, the secret deep cover operative for the Midwest, was needed to defend my country from evil spies bent on global domination. I tracked them to Loveland where I defeated them with my incredible kick boxing skills. This would not only explain the several bruises I have all over my body and scars on my face, but my amnesia was probably caused by the fact that I was deactivated until my incredible talents are needed to save the world again. Where's the proof you ask? Let's just say that this is still the land of the free and the home of the brave. I know, some of you probably refuse to believe this, but that's Ok. It's probably safer that way.