The 'Ghost' Poo.
The kind of poo where you feel poo come out and you know you have done it, but when you wipe there is nothing on the toilet paper and there is no poo in the toilet. Where does it go?
The 'Clean' Poo.
The sort of poo which is so smooth and slippery that it virtually falls out of your bottom. You can see poo in the toilet but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
The 'Hot Tar' Poo.
The kind of poo where even after 50 wipes you are still getting stains on the paper so you have to put some bog roll between your bum cheeks and in your underwear so you don't leave your pants with a skid mark.
The 'Second Thoughts' Poo.
This can be particularly irritating. You think that you have finished your poo and have mistakenly wiped yourself clean. You have stood up and have pulled up your trousers to your knees, when you realise there is still some more poo to come out.
The 'Pop a vein in your head' Poo.
The kind where you strain so much to get the poo out of your bum that the vein in your temple starts to throb and you practically have a stroke.
The 'Weight Watchers' Poo.
You poo so much you lose 30 pounds.
The 'Lincoln Log' Poo.
The kind of poo that is so huge you're afraid that it will not flush down the toilet unless you break it up into little pieces with a stick. This poo only happens when you are at someone else's house.
The 'Loud' Poo.
It's noisy and everyone within earshot is giggling.
The 'Drinkers' Poo.
This kind of poo happens the morning after a night on the booze.Its runny, it stinks to the point where you can actually taste it and you don't remember having the curry that is staring up at you from the toilet.
The 'Sweetcorn' Poo.
Self explanatory.
The 'Wish I could poo' Poo.
You really feel as if you need to poo, but every time you try, all you manage is a couple of farts.
The 'Side-Birth' or 'Boo-Hoo' Poo.
This poo hurts so much that you swear it is coming out sideways, your eyes water and you will probably need stitches after.
The 'Wet Bum' Poo (the power dump).
This poo comes out of your bum so fast that when of hits the water it splashes your starfish!
The 'Pebbledash' Poo.
The kind where yellow-brown liquid shoots out of your arse and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
The 'Mexican Food' Poo.
This poo smells so bad that the toilet should be condemned. This usually occurs when there is someone else waiting to go into the toilet after you so you have to pretend that the person before you did it.
The 'Upper Class' Poo.
The kind that think their poo never smells!
The 'Fisherman's Bobber' or 'Floating' Poo.
This kind of poo also occurs when there are people waiting to go into the toilet after you. You do your poo, flush two times but there are still several golf ball sized pieces floating above the water line.
The 'Ambush' Poo.
This kind of poo never occurs at home, usually at a party or while playing golf. Its the result of trying to fart a little, but you unexpectedly follow through and end up with a soggy mess in your pants. You end up walking bow-legged for the rest of the day.
The 'Sultana' Poo.
This
type of poo is really frustrating. You get yourself prepared for a 'Side-Birth'
and spend half an hour sweating it out on the bog, but all you manage is a small
plop resembling the size of a sultana.
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