1.
Why did God create woman?
To
carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
2.
If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
The
swallow
3.
How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
Phone
her.
4.
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because
they think men care.
5.
What is the definition of "making love"?
Something
a woman does while a guy is f#cking her.
6.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow
down and use a lubricant.
7.
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral
sex makes your day, anal sex makes your holeweak [wholeweek..]
8.
How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
None,
let the b**ch cook in the dark.
9.
What's the difference between pre-menstrual
tension and B.S.E?
One's
mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural problem.
10.
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because
it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator
11.
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing,
she's been told twice already.
12.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None.
It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
13.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
done wrong? You made her chain too long.
14.
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry
it!
15.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A
battery has a positive side.
16.
What are the three
fastest means of communication?
a)
Internet
b)
Telephone
c)
Telawoman
17.
Why do hunters make the best lovers?
Because
they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot.
18.
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're
both fun to ride until your friends find out.
19.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both
of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
20.
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A
man to show her how to work it.
21.
How are twisters (tornadoes) and marriage alike?
They
both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your
house.
22.
Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
She
knows she's given her last blow job.
23.
What's the difference between a b**ch and a whore?
A
whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a b**ch sleeps with everyone at the
party except you.
24.
What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After
10 years the job still sucks.
25.
What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
Spitting,
swallowing, and gargling.
26.
Why is the space between a women's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because
you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
27.
Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When
you take it off you wonder where her tits went.
28.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put
a nipple on it.
29.
Why did the woman cross the road?
What's
the b**ch doing out of the kitchen in the first place?!
30.
Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
Cause
it doesn't need cleaning yet