Red Virus
Be
on the
look-out for
a new breed of 'Evil Red' computer viruses that could seriously
affect your PC:
The
Manchester United
virus - This is where the
computer develops a memory disorder,
and forgets
about everything
before 1993.
The
Manchester United
shirt virus
- This one is especially hard to detect as it changes its format every 3
months.
The
David Beckham
virus -
This affects newer computers mainly. The computer looks
great, all
the lights
are on,
but nothing works.
The
Roy Keane
virus -
Throws you
out of
Windows.
The
Alex Ferguson
virus - The computer develops a continuous whining noise and
the on-screen
clock runs
a lot slower
than all
the other computers in the building.
The
Andy Cole virus - The
computer is unable to get anything into the 'inbox'.
The
Mark Bosnich
virus -
You just
can't save
anything.
The
Ryan Giggs
virus -
The computer
develops a processor problem whereby it thinks
it's better than it
actually is. It also experiences dramatic fluctuation in performance.
Aside
from the
red viruses,
there are several other
'Premiership’ viruses that
you also
need to
be aware
of:
The
David James
virus -
Your PC
will act as though it will
save something, but then
unexplainably lets you
down at
the last second.
The
David Ginola virus - The
computer pretends to shut down, but then re-boots and is perfectly okay.
The
Stan Collymore virus - This
one is very hard to track down and is constantly on the move
- has been known to boot-up some Swedish models.
The
Glenn Hoddle
virus -
Disables your PC, lets you
down and then blames it all on its previous life as a calculator.
The
Gordon Strachan
virus -
This one
affects the
spellchecker function in Word Processing software, highlighting thousands
of errors that aren't actually there.