One Liners
Change
is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Sometimes
I wake up grumpy..........Other times I let her sleep.
I
want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...........not screaming and yelling
like the passengers in his car.
I
didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
I
took an IQ test and the results were negative.
He
who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Puritanism:
The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be having fun.
The
sex was so good that even the neighbours had a cigarette.
Diplomacy:
The art of saying 'Nice doggie'......until you can find a brick.
Jesus
loves you..........everyone else thinks you're an arsehole.
Consciousness:
That annoying time between naps.
If
God dropped acid, would he see people?
If
one synchronised swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
If
you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
If
you try to fail..........and succeed..........which have you done?
Why
are haemorrhoids called "haemorrhoids" instead of "ass-teroids"?
The
main reason Santa Claus is so jolly is because he knows where all the
Whose
cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "S" in it?