Little Johnny
Little
Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn
multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable
word?" Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, miss, me, me!"
Teacher says, "All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable
word?"
Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate."
Teacher smiles and says, "Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful."
Little Johnny says, "No, miss, you're thinking of a bl*wjob. I'm talking
about a w*nk."
Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car pass the playground and go into the woods.
Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane in a "Passionate
Embrace". Little Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain
himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly, "MOMMY,
MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND...."
Mommy tells him to slow down. She wants to hear the story. So Little Johnny
tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods
with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then
he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants
off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy...."
At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an
Interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to
see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mommy asks Little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny starts
his story, describing the car going into the woods, the undressing, laying down
on the seat, and ".... then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy
and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Navy."
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot"
The teacher replies "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
thinking,"
Then Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women
sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the
triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the
cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied
"Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the
cone" To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one
with the wedding ring on...but I like your thinking."
Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'"
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the f*****g difference?" asks the father.
Little Johnny replies, "That's what I said!"