Legless Parrot
A
bloke is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It
doesn't have any feet or legs.
The
guy says aloud; "Jeesh. I wonder what happened to this parrot?" The
parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot".
"Holy
sh*t", the bloke replies. "You actually understood and answered
me!"
"I
got every word", says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly
intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh
yeah?", the bloke asks, "Then answer this - how do you hang onto your
perch without any feet?"
"Well",
the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my
willy around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my
feathers."
"Wow"
says the guy, "you really can understand and speak English, can't
you?"
"Actually,
I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with reasonable competence
on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm
especially good at mythology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great
companion".
The
bloke looks at the £200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford
that."
"Pssssssst"
says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I
don't have any feet. You can probably get me for £20, just make the guy an
offer!" So the bloke offers £20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks
go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he's
interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathises, and
he's insightful. The bloke is delighted.
One
day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes "Pssssssssst" and
motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or
not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What
are you talking about?" asks the bloke
"When
the postman delivered today, your wife greeted him at the door in a see-through
black nightie and kissed him passionately."
"WHAT???"
the bloke asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
"Well,
then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began kissing
her all over" reported the parrot.
"My
God!" the bloke exclaims. "Then what?”
"Then
he lifted up the nightie, got down on his knees and began to lick her all over,
starting with her breasts and slowly going down..."
"WELL???"
demands the frantic bloke, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"F*ck
knows' says the parrot 'I got a hard-on and fell off my perch"....